Remember me
by Milady29
Summary: Erin and Jay have been dating each other secretly and are ready to tell the world about their relationship. But then something happens...and everything changes. Love is a strong, beautiful thing, but is it resistant to the incident tearing the lovers apart? Beside their love, can intelligence unit even take a stand in the worst times?
1. Chapter 1

_''Jay!''_

_She tried to grab his hand before he fell down. But it was too late._

_One floor...two floors...then his body hit the street. His head hit the concrete with a loud bang._

_She wanted to jumped after him, stopped by Antonio. She wanted to save him...she didn't want to lose him_

_She closed her eyes and suddenly she was in a hospital room, looking at Jay in the bed. His body was covered in wires and tubes...but it was not Jay anymore. He was not there anymore. His brain was dead._

_''Do you think it's better to pull the plug...I think it's what Jay would have wanted.''_

_''No, he is alive! He is going to be okay!'' Erin cried when a hand suddenly grabbed her arm and woke her up._

''Shhh, it's just a nightmare.'' She opened her eyes and looked in Jay's eyes, who looked at her, worried as she had been screaming and sweating. He kissed her on her forehead. She was glad she woke up next to him and felt relieved that he was fine - sure he was fine! It had just been dream, she told herself again.

Sometimes she realized it was easier when they had been partners on the job, instead of partners in life. SHe wouldn't have all the worries.

''Yeah, it was just a nightmare.'' She sighed and she looked up at him with a small smile. He kissed her again and caressed through her hair.

''What was the nightmare about?'' He asked then, softly as he pulled her closer to him and she laid down with her head on his chest, her fingers playing through his hair as she looked at him.

''Losing you on the job.'' She said then, softly.

''You ain't gonna lose me, a bad penny always turns up.'' He said with a smirk as he stepped out of bed. It was time to get ready for work, but he didn't want to get out of the bed. He didn't want to pretend again that there was nothing going on between them, while there was. There had been things going on between them for weeks. They had spend almost all their time together and they loved each other but they didn't dare to tell it in in the office, afraid one of the would lose their jobs. Well, Jay would lose their job because he would never fire Erin.

''It was scary...you fell and you were brain dead...and I had to choose if they would keep you in a coma for much longer or they let you die...and I couldn't make the decision.'' She whispered as she shook her head. ''It was just a nightmare.'' She said then.

He laid back and bed and looked worried at her as she seemed to be really upset by the dream.

''It was just a dream.'' He said as he kissed her again and she smiled.

''I know...it's just...it seemed so real and so much can happen on this job. We lost a good woman this year.''

Jay nodded understanding. ''But you are not going to lose me.'' He promised then as he kissed her again and she suddenly stopped kissing him.

''If I had to make the decision for real...what should I say.''

Jay sighed and gave her a smile. ''It was just a dream and you never have to make that decision. But I'd say...would it make a difference? There is not much going on up there anyway.'' He brushed it off with a joke and she laughed.

He rolled over and kissed her again, pulled her towards her, caressing her back and she started to remove his underpants.

''We don't have to get to work yet...we can breakfast in the car.'' He said as he removed her underwear as well and she kissed him in his neck.

''Luckily...it doesn't take so long with you.'' She moaned with a smile.

Right in time they went to the car if they wanted to pick up breakfast and just in time they arrived at the parking spot.

''We have been carpooling for weeks now, don't you think it's starting to get obvious?'' Lindsay smirked and he shrugged.

''Well...Voight hasn't noticed yet.'' He smirked back and he pinched her in her ass, right before they entered the building and she laughed at him.

When they entered the unit the others were already waiting and they nodded.

''Still carpooling?'' Antonio asked and Jay started to blush.

''Uhm...yeah.''

''Take Ruzek next time so I don't have to take him.'' Antonio said and Ruzek sighed. ''I told you my car broke down close to your house. I am sorry.''

''No worries man, I will pick you up again tomorrow.'' Antonio laughed then and Voight pointed at the board.

''Know that company down 87th street that produces chemicals?'' He started off and the unit nodded. The smell coming from that factory was awful. Jay nodded the fastest as he lived close to it. Ugh, that factory.

''Chemicals have been stolen there again recently. They use it to make Crystal Meth.''

''And we are going to protect that factory?'' Ruzek asked and Voight sighed. Ruzek always interrupted him when he was explaining. It was so standard it wasn't even

''No we know where the meth lab is because we could follow the vehicle through the camera's. We are going to stop the meth operation.''

''Isn't that the job of the DEA?'' Antonio frowned and Voight nodded.

''Usually it is, but this is involved with the case of last week. Remember the guy with the nickname we couldn't trace down? He runs this meth lab. That's why we have this case instead of the DEA.'' Voight explained and the unit nodded.

''Get ready, we are leaving thirty minutes.'' Voight announced then.

They nodded and they knew what to do. Antonio, Ruzek and Olinsky walked downstairs to get the weapons. For a second he doubted if he had to text Laura, as he always did before they went on a raid, just so she knew. In the beginning he hadn't done it because he was afraid she would get even more worried, but now he did, because it was better if she knew what he was doing. before, he never did it...he wondered if Ruzek did so...but the young man just walked down the stairs like they were going to have a picknick in the park.

Sometimes he really doubted if the young cop knew he was going on a dangerous mission...but it didn't seem to matter to him. Antonio shook his head and walked after him.

Upstairs Jay leaned against Erin in the kitchen. Before he had actually liked this moments full of tension and action but now he was scared. Not for his own life...but Erin's.

He looked around, made sure Voight was not around and he hugged and kissed Lindsay.

''Be careful, 'll have your back.'' He promised and she nodded.

''You have to be careful too.''

''Nothing is going to happen to me.'' He assured her and he took her hands, bit his lip and gave her a big smile.

''I don't want us to hide anymore.''

''We should tell Voight when we get back. I don't want us to hide anymore either.'' Lindsay said and Jay nodded, lifted her up, kissed her again and smiled as his hand caressed the side of her face.

''You are my girl...and I want the whole universe to know you are my pretty girl.''

''Do your parents know I am your pretty girl...I would love to meet them one day.''

''They live in

As they heard the other approaching he let go of her and he sat down at the table, while she was acting like she preparing coffee.

For a second Jay wanted to tell them right now...but he wanted to talk to Voight first. The others passed the kitchen door and Erin turned around.

''But...you still haven't answered my question from this morning.'' She said then and he sighed.

''I honestly never thought about it...but I would always fight to stay with you. I hope you never give up on me.'' He said and the door opened, Antonio and Ruzek taking a mug of coffee.

''It's gonna be all breaking bad, I swear!'' Ruzek yelled and Antonio shook his head.

''If they are preparing the drugs...it's gonna suck. It's gonna smell and we have to do a drug test.'' Antonio helped the young policeman out of his dreams.

They got ready to go and at their car Jay sat down in the passenger seat.

''You still won't let me drive?''

''No, there is not much happening up there, remember?'' She chuckled as they drove after Voight and Olinsky. Behind them were Antonio and Ruzek and in the rear view mirror Jay could see Ruzek was talking excited to Antonio - Antonio didn't seem as excited - and Jay chuckled.

''I remember I was like that three years ago, a young dog...just joined the cops.''

''You still are a young dog.'' Erin teased him.

''I've been a cop longer than you.'' He teased back.

''Yeah. But I have longer in intelligence.''

''Yeah but that's because you are so smart.'' He laughed as he kissed her in her neck.

''Don't, Voight can see us.''

''I thought we were going to tell him.'' Jay said as he backed off.

''Yeah...when we are back. We should tell him instead of him seeing us kissing.''

They got out of the car, not looking at each other anymore and they got ready to go inside. Right before they ran inside this gave each other one final nod.

Quick they ran inside and got ready...but the lab seemed to be empty and Antonio almost sighed from relief when he saw nothing was boiling. The things that could ruin a day of work the most was a drug test and not being allowed to do much until the test results.

''CPD! Drop you weapons!'' Jay yelled as he went around the corner, into the next room of the warehouse, but it was empty as well...untill he heard a footsteps and somebody ran away.

With his gun ready he looked up as the guy ran away and quick Halstead jumped up, ran after him. Their footsteps sounded louder through the inch of water that was on the floor.

''CPD! Stop running, drop your weapons!''

Lindsay ran after them as well and suddenly a man jumped out of another corner, running after Jay.

Instead of stopping the guy kept running and Jay sped up his pace. He had to catch up, he had to catch the guy! He ran even faster and he had his gun ready to shoot if he needed to. Then a loud shot rang out through the warehouse. Falling to the ground he felt a sharp pain in his head and his head hit the floor.

There was another shot behind him and Lindsay yelled his name. Had there been somebody running behind him?

He heard the footsteps approaching him.

Confused he tried to move, but he couldn't. His head...was he shot in his head? Confused he closed his mouth as the water from the floor almost streamed into his mouth.

His head...it hurt so bad.

He could barely keep his conciousness.

''JAY!''

He looked up to Erin one last time before his eyes fell shut.

''Stay with me!''

But Jay was already gone.

Lindsay kneeled down calling and ambulance when she saw where the blood was coming from.

''No...no! You can't die, Jay!'' She cried as she looked at the wound on the back of his head where the small bullet had entered his head.

* * *

NOTE: The first Chapter of the story Remember Me! Are Erin's worst for going to be true? Are her dreams a prediction of what is still coming up? Will Jay survive? I promise you, this story is going to be one hell of an emotional ride!

I hope you liked this first chapter and I hope that you want me to continue this. Thank you for reading and please tell me what you thought and if you want to see more of this story by leaving a review!


	2. Chapter 2

Jay had been alive when they brought him inside...barely. But he had been alive. The wait had only been an hour but it seemed like an eternity and Erin tried to contain her tears as she knew they would be waiting for hours.

''We are called back to the district.'' Voight said and Lindsay shook her head.

''I am not going back.''

''There is nothing you can do for him right now.'' Antonio explained. He had been through this before and he knew how hard it was to leave your partner in the hospital, not knowing how they were.

''He is gonna be okay, Erin.'' Olinsky tried to comfort her.

''He was shot in his head, I might lose him!'' She snarled at them. She was so scared...so scared.

''I know how i feels, leaving your partner behind in the hospital, not knowing how they are doing but there is nothing you can do for Jay right now.''

No, there was nothing she could do for him now. If only she had seen the other man in the building fast enough, then Jay wouldn't be shot. There was nothing she could do now but wait.

''He is not just partner...we have been in a relationship for a few weeks.'' She cried then and the others looked at her, surprised and full of sorrow. Voight looked down at the floor. He had tried to stop their relationship because he was afraid Erin would get hurt...but he could not stop this. Antonio looked down to the floor as well. He wished he could congratulate then on their relationship. He was so happy for them, but right now there was nothing to say. As she stood there, leaning against the wall and almost crying, a nurse approached them.

''He is in surgery...we are not sure if he will make it through. Are his parents here yet?''

Voight stood up and walked away to talk to the nurse, to ask for more details regarding the procedure and the injury while Antonio pulled Lindsay against his shoulder, whom was crying after the update. She was going to lose him...

''He is going to make it through, he is going to be okay. Maybe they think he is not going to make but they don't know Jay yet! He is strong Erin, you know that.''

Voight walked after the nurse and nodded. ''So...be honest.''

''Be honest about what?''

''Is he going to make it through or not.''

''We don't know honestly. He could make it through...but his brain is damaged because of the bullet. We are not sure if he even will even wake up. We will put him in a medical induced coma so the swelling in his brain can go down...but there is a chance he might never wake. Even if he wakes up, he will never be the same anymore. He will never function again like he did.''

Voight moved his hand over his mouth, horrified by what the nurse just said. It was so unfair. It shouldn't have been Jay. It shouldn't have been anybody.

Slowly he walked back and Erin looked up to him. He sat down next to her while Antonio stood up to get something to drink.

''Antonio, you can go to the district, Olinsky and Ruzek are finishing the case there. I will stay here with Erin.''

Antonio nodded. It was not easy leaving a coworker behind like this, but he knew they had to finish the case and slowly he left the waiting room, nodding at Erin one last time, promising her he was sure Jay was going to make it through.

Voight looked at Erin and she looked to the ground.

''What did the nurse say?''

''He is still in surgery and after that they are going to keep him in coma for a while, so his brain can recover from the blow and the swelling can go down...he is going to be okay, Erin.''

Yes, he lied. He lied. He knew Jay would never be okay again but he couldn't tell Erin, afraid she couldn't handle the bad news. She nodded, relieved. Jay was going to make it through.

''Do you know if he is close to his parents?'' Voight asked then, because maybe it was easier if his parents would tell her if they were close to her.

''Not really, I only know they live in Missouri and he only sees them with Christmas. So I guess they are not really close.'' Erin said, thinking that he told her he hated to go to Missouri with Christmas as all his friends lived here, not in Missouri and he wanted to celebrate Christmas together with them.

''We should try to reach out to them though. He is their son, they must be worried...and if something goes wrong, they must be here.'' Voight said and Erin nodded.

''I will try to contact them. Do you have his phone?''

She nodded and handed him his phone. Voight stood up and walked away and Erin looked around the empty ER again, shivering. She felt so cold inside. This couldn't be good. Voight said he was going to be fine but she didn't believe him. She wished she could but she knew what damage a bullet could do in a head.

She laid her head against the wall, trying to sleep in the hope that time would pass faster, but it didn't work and she sat up again. Looking at the clock she realized they were already here for the two hours and she rubbed through her eyes.

Voight joined her again. ''They are on their way here.''

They sat in silence for another 50 minutes when a doctor approached them.

''Mr. Halstead has been brought to the ICU now.''

''Can I see him there?'' Lindsay asked.

''We are monitoring him very closely. Maybe it's a better idea to come back tomorrow doing visiting hou-'' When she saw the woman's urging and almost begging face she winked her to come with her.

''Just 1 visitor for a few minutes.'' She said and Voight nodded at Erin as she followed the nurse. The ER was not far from the ICU and she walked through the empty hallway to the room in to the back.

''Can I go in?'' She asked as she saw the medical staff swarming around the bed but the nurse shook her head and Erin looked through the glass wall. She couldn't barely see Jay in the bed under all the wires. His head was wrapped in a thick layer of bandage, tubes and wires going into the bandage as well and when she saw the ventilator next to his bed she started to cry. This was not true, she had to wake up! She was in another nightmare.

''We placed a small metal plate in his head and we are hoping the swelling goes down soon, so we can MRI him properly and we know the damage.''

Erin looked aside at her, shocked.

''But...Voight spoke to a nurse and he said he is going to be okay.''

''I am sorry, he will never be the guy again you once loved.'' The nurse said sorryful, sorry for the girl that she had been lied to. She laid her hand against the glass and wished she could hold his hand, kiss him all over his face and that he would wake up.

''We will keep him in a medical induced coma for four days...if the swelling is down then we will try to wake him up then. Hopefully he will wake up.''

How could Voight lie to her like that. No! Jay was going to be okay! Within a month he would be sitting next to her in the car again and he would get mad again because he wasn't allowed to drive. They would pick up breakfast again by the restaurant just around the corner because they didn't want to leave their beds and each other. Platt would annoy him again and be very kind to her,wich annoyed Jay even more than Platt's annoying of him. Voight would freaking make his life miserable now they knew that they were a couple.

Voight! She looked at Jay one last time and thanking the nurse she ran back to the ER. Voight stood there, ready to comfort her if needed but instead she pushed him away.

''You lied to me about Jay!?'' She yelled angry and he tried to grab her, hug her and apologize but she pushed him away again.

''How could you lie to me about that?!'' She yelled angrily.

''I didn't lie! I just didn't want you to be upset.''

''Jay is seriously injured and he is never going to fully recover and you didn't want me to get upset!? I trusted you Voight!'' Lindsay yelled angrily and some of the people waiting in the ER looked at them, startled by the loud yelling.

''Erin!'' He said as she walked past him, outside and he followed her.

''Erin! I am sorry!''

''You shouldn't have lied to me.'' She cried as she walked to her car, only take her wallet out of it and Voight closed her in.

''I shouldn't, I am sorry. I am sorry you have lose Jay.''

''I am not going to lose him. He will be okay! He is strong!'' Lindsay said, stubborn but she tried not think about what the nurse had said. What if he really would change? She had heard about people's personality changing drastically after an injury to the head. What if Jay would really have changed?

''Come, I'll drive you home. You are in no state to drive.'' Voight said but Lindsay shook her head.

''I am staying here tonight.''

Before he could object she walked back inside and she walked to the vending machine, taking a bottle of water and walking back to the ICU. She acted like it was okay she was there and she tried to open the door to his room, but then she saw the paper on his door. No entry before disinfecting and hopeless she turned around.

Slowly she sat down on the cold floor in face of his room and she looked at him, laying motionless and broken in the bed. She didn't lose him but she was gonna lose him. He was not the Jay she knew anymore and she had to prepare for that...but she didn't want too. She wanted Jay.

No she promised him to never give up on him and she couldn't give up on him now!

She stood up and walked back to the glass, laying her hand against the cold surface again. She could only see a small part of his face because of the bandage and the tubes, but he still seemed there. Her Jay.

_''I am sorry, he will never be the guy again you once loved.'' _She heard the nurse speak again in her head and she started to cry.

She could no give up on him!

* * *

NOTE: Poor Jay, Poor Erin. Are they ever going to be together again? Will he wake up and will he have changed? Can he recover against all odds and what will his parents be like? If it doesn't just break up her and Jay, does is also break her and Voight's trust for each other?

I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you so much for the good reception of the first chapter. I am really glad you like the idea of this. I hope you still do after this chapter.

Please tell me what you thought by leaving a review!


	3. Chapter 3

Five days had gone by in a blur and Erin sat there again, her hand folded around Jays. She listened to the sound of the ventilator, keeping him alive and she closed her eyes, thinking about what the doctor had said. He should have been awake by now, they had gotten him off the medication. But he was still in a coma. They were afraid his brainstem was damaged by the bullet, that would also be the reason he didn't seem to breathe on his own, but when they had done an MRI again, there was no damage to be seen.

Each day she had gone to the district, to give the others an update on Jay and almost every day somebody of the unit also had been here in the evening, but there was nothing news she could tell. His condition remained unchanged.

The second day of his coma, a petite woman with brown hair, blue eyes and freckles had suddenly stormed into his room, thrown her arms in the air and yelled his name. His mother. She had barely given Lindsay a look when she had grabbed Jay's other hand and had kissed him everywhere on his face where it was possible. Was this the woman he only saw once a year because he simply couldn't stand her?

''Ooooh Jay my boy.'' She had cried and then she finally looked at Erin.

''Who are you?'' She said then, sniffing.

''I am Erin Linday...his partner... and girlfriend.'' She said as she reached her hand out to give his mom a hand but his mom shook her head and carried on crying.

''Is he going to wake up?'' She asked, neglecting the fact Erin tried to introduce herself.

''They don't know yet...they are going to take him off the medication that keeps him in this coma in four days and then he should wake up. But they aren't sure. Where is his father.''

''Gone, for the past eighteen years already. Guy lives in Hampshire, won't come to visit his son.'' She said bitter and Linday had left the room, giving her some time alone with her son.

And now, five days later, nothing was sure. Jay was not waking up. Erin tried to keep herself from crying as she hoped he would open his eyes, or just show any sign of life. A doctor entered again, checked his vitals and left the room. It happened so many times a day Erin didn't even notice anymore. This morning they had also removed the large bandage around his head and changed it for a plaster and as the swelling in his face was gone, he seemed a lot better now, which made it even more frustrating he wasn't waking up.

She looked up she heard his moms voice on the hall and she was talking to a doctor. She didn't like eavesdropping - but it wasn't technically eavesdropping if she heard it without putting effort in listening - and she could hear a few words of what her mother was talking about.

''Not...up...switch off...support.''

She wanted to jump up, yell at his mother what she just heard or thought what she just heard. Instead she kept sitting with Jay, calmly.

''Ellen, can I talk to you for a minute?'' His mother asked then and she stood up, walked after the mother to the cafeteria.

''It's Erin.'' She said then, annoyed by his mother and the lack of interest she showed in her son's girlfriend. This did not just affect her, that her son was severely injured but it affected Erin as well.

''Sorry, Erin.'' His mother said as they bought something to drink, an awkward silence when they sat down at the table. His mother did not look at her and Erin drank her coffee in silence. She hadn't been talking a lot with his mother at all. Her mother just asked how he had been shot and she had told her, but other than that she hadn't asked a lot. She hadn't even been around when Erin was here. She had been reading to him and talking to him and Lindsay had stayed out of the room, giving her and her son some privacy. But it was just ao awkward, she had never met the mother before.

''is it Erin Lindsay, or Lindsay Erin, by the way?'' His mother asked then.

''Erin Lindsay.'' Erin sighed and she looked up at the mother. She didn't want to turn around what she just heard.

''I heard what you say to the doctor. I don't want to you to say that.'' She said then to his mother.

''I didn't say I wanted it…I just asked if it was a possibility. Maybe it's better to switch life support off if he doesn't wake up. I know Jay never wanted to life like a vegetable.''

''Jay told me we should never give up on him. Life support is not going to be switched off.'' She said firmly.

After an awkward silence they walked back to the room and sat down by his bedside.

''Erin...look at him. He can't breathe. He is getting feed through a tube. This is not the life he ever wanted.''

''I am not going to give up on him!'' Erin said mad as she looked at his mother. It was hard and she wanted him to wake up but she couldn't think about the fact that his mother wanted to switch him off life support. She understood she didn't want to see her son like this and maybe she did it out of life. But she couldn't lose him. She couldn't give up. She still believed he was going to wake up and he was going to recover!

''If you really knew Jay well enough if you were his partner and boyfriend, you know he would never want life like this.''

Mad Erin stood up and walked out of the room. She sat down in the chair close to his room and waited, tried not to cry. She wanted to support her mother and she wished that she would get support from her mother. That they would stick together through this rough time but her mother was so mean to her. His mother left and said also goodnight to her, short. Erin walked back into the room and sat down next to the bed.

''I hope you can hear me, you should by now.'' She said as she took his hand. ''I miss you Jay, i need you. Please, wake up Jay.''

She started to cry and laid her head against his chest. His chest was still moving and up and down and she closed her eyes, crying as she knew it was not himself who was breathing...no she couldn't lose him!

''Your mother wants so switch off life support because you are not here...but I won't give up. You can hear me...I believe that.'' She said softly as she sat up again, rubbing over his hand and looked as he seemed asleep but she knew he could not hear her. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him sorry, she wasn't fast enough to grab the person who shot him in his head. That she loved him so much. That she could never live without him.

She wished he would move the tiniest bit, that he would breath on his own and even better,that he would open his eyes and demand a pizza because he was starved after the tube feeding. But he wasn't there.

She checked her watch and saw it was getting pretty late but she didn't want to leave. Especially not now his mom was planning on switching off life support. Then she would lose him soon. No, she had to fight for him even if he couldn't fight for himself!

She laid her head aginst his chest again and closed her eyes and slowly she fell asleep. She could hear him breathing and like this, he was still with her.

She got awoken by one of the nurses.

''You have to be careful...he has a tube in his stomach, you could hurt it if you sleep like this...also it's not our policy.'' The nurse explained and she left the room so she could check on him. Wow, had she really slept here all night? She didn't feel guilty, she had felt so close to him.

''Hey.'' Voight walked down the hall. She hadn't been talking with him since he had lied to her, but right now she needed him as he was the closest to being her father. She tried not to cry as she walked towards him.

''What is wrong?'' He asked worried, laying his hand on her shoulder. Although she was still mad he lied to her, she broke down and he pulled her against him, comforting her like he had done many, many times before as he had tried to get her a better life.

''His mother wants to switch off life support because he is not waking up and she said...she said he never wanted to life like this...I don't want him to die.'' She sobbed.

''She can't do that!'' He said mad and he looked into the room, but only a nurse was in there, moving Jay to prevent bedsores.

''He should be awake by now.'' Lindsay said as she pulled away from his embrace and wiped the tears away.

''He needs some time, he has been shot in the head! Does is mother not understand that.''

''She...she said today...I don't think there is anything we can...she is his mother and his medical proxy.''

Voight walked away and Lindsay walked back into the room and sat down by Jay again.

''You know...I am not giving up on you. Your mother loves you and I know she does it out of care for you...but I know you just need some time.'' She said softly as she caressed his hand again.

She sat there in silence again untill the door burst open and his mom entered the room, followed by Voight.

''I ám his medical proxy! The decision is mine and I don't want him to be kept alive while he isn't!''

''He is not brain dead!'' Voight argument back and the mother turned his way. ''He is my son and I decide this, not the detective who failed to protect him in the first place!''

Voight walked out of the room with Erin.

''I tried to talk her out of it...and I talked to his doctor.''

''The doctor told you not to give up, right?'' She said hopeful. They would never switch off his life support if there was still hope.

''They don't know it anymore, Erin. They don't think he will wake up, they are afraid his brainstem is damaged.''

''Why don't they MRI him again?''

''They can't find the damage...but he is not breathing on his own, Erin. I am sorry.''

Slowly they walked back into the room.

''You can't do this!'' She cried as the doctors got ready to remove him off the ventilator but his mother looked at her.

''Sorry, I can, I am his mother.''

Slowly the doctors started to remove the ventilator and Voight pulled her against his shoulder as she started to sob. Then, when they had expected the heart rate would drop soon as he wasn't breathing, they heard a soft breath. Rattling, almost as a last breath.

But then it continued. Jay kept breathing, rasping and weak.

The doctors started running again, put him on supporting oxygen and Lindsay started to cry again, but not out of sadness this time. Out of happiness. She was not going to lose him. His brainstem was not damaged. He was breathing. He was alive.

* * *

NOTE: Never give up on him...

I hope you liked this chapter although the topic was kinda hard. I hope it was realistic...we will get to know more about his mother and his relationship next chapter and will she ever make up with Erin after this...and will Jay ever wake up?

Thank you for reading and please do leave a review with what you thought about this chapter and what you are expecting for the next chapters...response gets me enthusiastic and lets me write more and faster ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Today was a new beginning. Today she started again at work. She hadn't been working for the past nine days. Voight had told her to stay with Jay, but there was nothing she could do for him right now and if felt better to get back to work.

But today truly was a new beginning. His mother had called her she had to come by this morning before work because he was showing signs of waking up and she barely made it into his room when his blue eyes fluttered open. The blue eyes she trusted so much looked around the room for a second and closed again. But it was a beginning. He would return to her, she was sure now.

It didn't mean that he was better, not at all and there still was a long way to go, but slowly his doctor seemed to get hopeful again.

His mother smiled at her for a short second as he had opened his eyes and she knew his mother didn't dare to say anything anymore. She had avoided Lindsay after he was removed from the ventilator and Erin was pretty sure it was out of guilt.

''Do you also want some coffee?'' His mom asked her then as she stood up and Erin nodded, short as she sat down next to his bedside.

''I missed those blue eyes...please open them again soon.'' She said as she caressed his hand and caressed the side of his face.

''You would be so pissed right now if you saw yourself in the mirror. Erin, get a razor!'' She imitated him as she caressed through the scruffy hair on his jaw and cheek. Usually when he only had a little stubble, he already freaked out and started to shave and she kept making jokes as his razors were all over her apartment.

His mother entered again and held two cups of coffee, handing one to her.

''Are you going to visit him tonight?'' Erin asked.

''If...if you want to be alone with him I could come tomorrow morning.'' His mother stammered and Erin shook her head.

''No I wanted to ask if you maybe like to go out for dinner after visiting... I mean...we started on the wrong foot, but I think it's better if we both support Jay.''

''You really want to go to dinner with me?'' His mother asked surprised.

''Yeah, I do want to get to know you...and i think it's better if we get along, also for Jay.''

''I thought...I imagined you would never want to have something to do with me after what I almost did to Jay.''

''I understand why you did it...I do...and right now he is waking up.'' Erin nodded and she stood up as it was time to get ready for work and she nodded at his mother.

''I have made terrible mistakes in my life...mistakes Jay doesn't even know about. But sometimes it's time to move on and I hope we can move on.''

His mother nodded gratefully and Erin kissed Jay on his forehead before walking out. It was not that she really forgave his mother for what she had done, but Jay was still with them and when he truly woke up, she wanted his mother and his girlfriend supporting him together.

Carefully she put the cup of coffee in the holder between the two seats and for a second she realized the passenger seat missed the person sitting on it, making remarks and annoying her because he wasn't allowed to drive.

Maybe she should let him drive once after this was all over...

''...no, old habits die hard.'' She chuckled as she started to car and drove the district. Although she kept telling herself everything would be as it ever was,s he also knew deep down inside it could never be the same again, but she didn't want to think about that now.

She walked into the district and Platt winked at her. She walked towards Platt and Platt looked at her.

''How is he doing?''

''He is slowly regaining conciousness...it might take a while before he is fully back.''

''I am sorry.'' Platt said with a face like she actually felt sorry when she suddenly saw Burgess walking behind Erin.

''Burgess get your skinny ass over here!'' She yelled and Erin saw the perfect time the escape and quick she walked away from Platt.

She walked upstairs and greeted Voight and the others. She sat down at her own desk with a smile. It was good to be back. But Jay's desk being empty also made her kind of sad. She looked away from it and they started talking about the case. They didn't want to bother her about Jay again on her first day but from time to time her eyes strayed to the empty desk. He should be sitting on it, sipping his coffee and giving her a wink every now and then.

''Erin?'' Antonio suddenly asked and she turned around.

''Yeah?'' She asked and he walked up to her.

''I uhm...was wondering...when Jay needs any help recovering from the coma with walking and all...I really want to help him. I have been helping a lot of people with recovering after boxing injuries.''

''I am sure that would mean a lot to him. Thank you Antonio.''

He stretched his hand out for a box but instead she hugged him, glad by how loyal Antonio was but then she let go.

''No explosion.''

''No.'' Antonio said as he hit his fist against her but made an explosion sound and walked away. Lindsay chuckled and got back to work.

The day progressed slow but it was really good to be back, it kept her mind of all the worries she had for a moment. After work she drove past a convenience store. She bought a razor and some shaving cream and drove to the hospital. Not sure if it was okay she asked a nurse, but nurse already seemed to be happy she didn't have to do it and carefully Erin started to shave his beard. When she was done he opened his eyes, like he knew something had happened and she took his hand, but got no response.

But shaven he looked more like before and although he had already lost a lot of weight, even with the feeding tube and a large patch of his hair was gone, he seemed Jay again, asleep, peacefully.

A little bit disappointed she laid the razor and cream in his nightstand and his mother walked into the room.

''You shaved him?''

''He dislikes being unshaven...so I though he might like to be shaven when he really wakes up.'' She explained and his mother nodded.

They had some light chatting about Missouri, their job and

''He always disliked being unshaven.'' She said and after sitting with him for a while, hoping he would open his eyes they left for the restaurant.

''Erin...I am so sorry about what I have done.'' She said again and Erin looked away. She didn't want to talk about. Not again. She didn't want to think about the possibility he wouldn't have started breathing and she would have lost him.

''I don't want to keep talking about it...maybe if you hadn't chosen to get him of the ventilator, he might still be in the coma. He is waking up now.'' Lindsay said as she didn't want to keep talking about it anyway. ''He started breathing on his own...we didn't lose him.''

''I just...thought it would be better for him. He would never want to be in a coma all his life.''

''I don't want to...''

''I know how it is to lose somebody. My dad got very sick and in the end he was like a vegetable. Jay told me he was scared of living like that.''

''I am sorry.'' Erin said as she ate her dinner.

''I never want to lose Jay. He is all I have except for my mom and I miss him every day he is not with me...and I only see him once a year. I care about him but he never pays me a visit.''

''Maybe he is busy.'' Erin said as she felt uncomfortable around his mom again. but she had to bond with her, for Jay.

''My mother and Jay are all I have.'' His mother said.

''Why don't you move closer to Chicago? You could see him more often.'' Erin said as she felt kinda sorry for the woman.

''That would mean I would have to leave my mother - his grandma - there and I don't want to do that.''

Erin nodded understanding and they got ready to pay and leave.

''I am sorry about what I said to in his room, earlier. About you not being a good girlfriend if you don't know what he wanted. Neither did I...I was wrong Erin.'' She said as she hugged Erin and she nodded at Erin gratefully for taking her here. She felt really guilty towards Erin how she had been threating her and how she had almost killed Jay because she wouldn't listen to her.

Befor driving home, Erin walked into the hospital really quick to say goodnight to Jay as she did every night as she was relieved when she saw some more of the monitors were gone, it was a good sign. She was going to get him back.

In bed she tried not to think about the neurological damage that could still be there. What if she was hoping for nothing and she would never get him back?

She hardly got any sleep before the alarm rang and tired she turned around, stopped by the flower shop before driving to the hospital.

''Got you some new flowers.'' Erin smiled as she walked into this room and put them on his nightstand. Jay's eyes were open but he didn't really seem to notice her as she changed the withered flowers with new ones. She sat down by his bedside, as every morning before going to work as there was nothing she could do to help,but it was nice to spend some time with him int he morning. She kissed him on his cheek and for a short second he looked at her, but looked at the blanket again. It was enough for now, he was there again and hopefully he knew she was there.

''So, yesterday during coffee break, Ruzek dropped his coffee over some important papers. Antonio was so pissed off and Voight yelled him. He yelled so loud even Platt came upstairs to ask what happened. It was kind of funny.'' She said, hoping he could hear what she was saying. But his face didn't change a bit and it didn't seem that he had even heard what she said. A little bit disappointed she stood up and put the card on his night stand up right again which had fallen off.

''I have to get back to work now. I will be back tonight.'' She said as she kissed him on his cheek again and gave him a smile. Then, slowly his mouth also curled into somewhat of a smile and his eyes started to sparkle and she started to laugh, kissed him again.

''I missed you so much.'' She said as she laid her head against his shoulder, careful and he was still smiling when she looked at him again. Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep again and she went to work, with a hopeful feeling in her heart. Maybe the doctors were wrong, maybe she was really going to get the guy back she loved!

* * *

NOTE: Are Erin's hopes going to come true or is she hoping too much? I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you thought the part with Jay's mom and Erin was realistic, as she is still his mom and Erin would bond with her because it would be better for Jay if they got along.

Thank you for reading and please do leave a review with what you thought! Reviews get me excited and make me write faster and more, thus longer and faster updates! :D


	5. Chapter 5

''Hey, glad to see you awake.'' Antonio walked inside the room and Jay looked at him but seemed really absent. He didn't even seem to notice Antonio was there but Antonio sat down by the bedside either way.

''The man who shot you...he was sentenced to twenty years in prison yesterday.'' Antonio said slowly, hoping that Jay understood him and Jay's eyes moved his way, which made Antonio guess he could hear him.

''I wish he would get a life long sentence...he deserved it.''

Jay blinked with his eyes.

''I hope that you can hear me, because we need you with us again.''

Jay slowly opened his eyes and slowly he finally started to speak again. ''Who...are you?'' Sounded then, slow, with a lot of effort. Antonio almost jumped up, so glad Jay was talking again and he moved closer to the bed.

''It's me...Antonio.'' Antonio said slowly and Jay just looked at him for a few seconds but he didn't seem to recognize Antonio. The doctor entered the room as well as he had probably seen Jay interacting with Antonio.

''Do you know your name?'' The doctor asked as Antonio left the room. Jay looked at the strange man hanging over him...everything was so weird and confusing and he had no idea where he was...but his name? Yeah, what was his name? He tried to move, but realized his body was not cooperating with him at all.

''I...don't know.'' Jay said weak, almost grasping for air after saying so.

About ten minutes later Erin came running into the hospital and stood next to Antonio on the hallway, looking as the doctor was talking to Jay and she looked as Jay was talking again. SHe looked at Antoni and nodded gratefully.

''Thank you for calling me.''

''I am so glad he is talking again...but he doesn't seem to remember anything, or anybody.'' Antonio said sat and the doctor suddenly winked for Erin to walk into the room.

''Jay, can you remember who she is?'' The doctor asked as Erin sat down on his bedside, taking Jay's hand but he frowned for a second.

''No...'' He said then, slowly and weak and Erin knees started to give in...no! No! He had to remember her, he was Jay, her Jay. He had to know who she was. Tears started to burn in her eyes as she caressed the side of his face.

''It's me, Erin.''

Jay seemed so confused she pulled her hand back and left the room, crying. Antonio walked after her as she wanted to walk to bathroom and stopped her, letting her cry against his shoulder.

''He will remember, I know that for sure.'' He said compassionate. It must be hard for Erin, he had been absent for two weeks and now he finally ws awake again he didn't remember her. He would, Antonio was sure. Maybe it was just temporarily.

''Miss Lindsay, can I talk to you for a second?'' The doctor suddenly stood behind her and Antonio and she nodded, walked after him to his office and she was somewhat afraid for what was going to come. What if he really wouldn't remember her? That would mean she would lose him either way...she couldn't force him to love her.

''Mr. Halstead as no memory of anything...I think it could be temporarily.''

''It could.'' She sighed as it didn't seem really hopefully.

''It could...we are afraid the blow of the bullet damaged his hippocampus. That would mean the memory loss could be forever.''

''Could his memory be triggered by familiar things?'' Erin asked, hoping there was a way to help Jay. Maybe she could help him by taking him the police station and to his house.

''I have no idea, the memory is something we don't know a lot about. But you can try...and he needs company in his recovery.'' Erin nodded understanding and she wanted to stand up but the doctor winked her to sit down again and she did so.

''He is paralyzed now...it's temporarily. His head is still kinda swollen from the emergency surgery and pushes on the brain stem, that's probably why he couldn't breathe on his own at first. When the swelling goes completely down a few days he can start recovering.''

Erin bow his head as she realized there was such a long way still had to go and they had no idea if it would actually get better. She tried not to cry again as she left the room and walked back into his room. She was mad at herself she kept crying and crying wasn't helping him or herself. She had always been so strong but now here love was hurt, she felt weak. This was so different than the 'love' she felt for the bad boys she had 'loved' before. It was different than this. She wouldn't know what she would so if she and Jay would never get together again.

Jay looked at her as she entered the room and he gave her a small smile, like had done last night and she smiled back.

''The other guy told...me...that you were my partner...'' He said weak and she nodded. ''Did...we catch a lot of bad...guys?'' He asked with the same smile and she nodded. ''Oh yeah, so many.''

She had expected that Antonio had said they had been partners as in a relationship, but it didn't matter, she didn't want to force him into loving her again. He didn't remember her, maybe he changed. Maybe he didn't love her anymore. Jay's eyes fell shut again and he fell asleep. She took his hand and caressed it, even though she wasn't sure if he could feel it. His mom was waiting on the hallway and she left the room. She wanted to tell her what the doctor had told her but his mother already knew.

''I just spoke to the doctor.'' His mother said sad and she looked at him in the room.

''Don't give up hope again, he can still regain his memory.'' She said but she started to lose hop now. It just seemed that there was never any good news. She wish he would wake up and know who she was, that he would kiss her and that she could help him through recovery. But he had no idea who she was.

She went the station now as he was asleep and she would go back with lunch and after work and in the station she picked up the picture with the whole unit from her desk and put it in her bag, to show him later. Hopefully it would let him recall some memories and slowly she got onto the paperwork she still had to do. The others looked at her, had already heard from Antonio what was going on and tried to imagine how she was feeling. It had to be really bad for her, after she had been without him for two weeks and in doubt, she still didn't have him back. And she might not be getting him back.

After work she drove back to the hospital and he was asleep. For a second she doubted if she had to go home but instead she sat down by his bedside because she prefered being in his company over being alone at home, even if he didn't know who she was.

He was still her Jay.

But after a while she got up and drove home, curling up in bed and she started to sob in her pillow. She felt so helpless, so powerless. There was nothing she could do to help him. She couldn't help him with his paralyzed body nor with his memory. She just wanted to have him back, but also wanted him to recover for himself because he didn't deserve this.

She cried herself to sleep and woke up as the alarm rang again, tired. Slowly she got dressed and went to hospital again and she saw his mother sitting by his bedside, holding the picture she had left here yesterday in front of him so he could see it.

''I remember...some things from the picture...'' He said slowly as she entered and she nodded, smiling, happy and his mother stood up. She took the picture from his mother and sat down by his bedside.

''How are you feeling today?'' She asked then and he tried to move his head her way so he could see her, but he couldn't and as she noticed she moved the chair so he could see her.

''...okay...I guess.'' He said slow and weak and he started to cry. ''I just wish I could remember...you must be...important but I can't recall...who you are.'' He said as he started to sob and she caressed his face, wiping his tears away as he couldn't.

''It doesn't matter...it will come back. Just recover and rest for now.'' She said sweetly and she was relieved when he closed his eyes again fell asleep and she pulled the blanket over him, tucking him in, carefully and wiped his hair away from his face, tenderly. She wished she could tell him how much she loved him and missed him...but right now she didn't want to upset him even more and as he was asleep she kissed him on his forehead and left the room.

In the car she hit the wheel, mad and she tried to keep herself from crying again as she had been crying so much but she couldn't she was so sad that he didn't remember her. She wanted Jay back. She was glad he was awake...but she needed Jay back...

But she couldn't give up. She could never give up on him...

* * *

NOTE: Will Jay regain his memory and if he doesn't will it tear her and Jay apart. All I can say is that there is sadness but also a lot of cuteness coming up and his mom is not going to make it easy on Erin again.

Thank you so much for reading and please leave a review! Leaving a reviews means a lot to me because i am not sure if the story is realistic! Please tell me!


	6. Chapter 6

The nurses got him off the feeding tube and put a large plaster of it, making sure it couldn't move or be hurt and Erin helped him getting the t-shirt over his head.

''Thank you for taking me out today.'' Jay smiled as he waited untill he was dressed and she smiled back at him. Today she was going to take him to district, hoping it would help him recall all the things he had forgotten. As they helped him sit in the wheelchair as he could hardly walk yet she looked at the back of his head, at the large scars visible through his hair, that was slowly growing back now. Carefully, afraid she would hurt his head she combed his hair and he looked up and burst out laughing.

''Looking pretty enough?''

She started to laugh as well, glad he never lost his humor and she nodded. ''Oh yeah, you are beautiful.''

Carefully he laid his head against the headrest, not being able to hold his head up much longer. Slowly she started to push the wheelchair. At first, he didn't want to go because he flet bad for not remembering the others, but when she had told him it might actually help remembering the others he had agreed on going with her.

The only other person he had a lot of contact with was Antonio, who came by almost every evening after she left. Antonio was also there almost every time he had PT, to help him.

Jay enjoyed the short walk to the district, as it was not so far away from the hospital and he couldn't remember anything from the city, it was seeing it all again. Besides, he felt a lot better being outside than laying in bed all day long. As they were almost at the police station some people greeted him and he just greeted them back, although he had no idea who they were.

He just wished he could have walked already, for Antonio and so Erin wouldn't have to push him all the way here. For now, nothing was sure if he would return because in the hospital they had tried to see if there was any more brain damage and it turned out he had lost the ability to remember the order to do things as well and he didn't seem to understand cause and effect, but they hoped it would get better...he would recover, she was still sure of that.

''Hey Jay, how are you feeling!'' Antonio said as he stretched his fist out, close to Jay's and slowly but surely Jay hit his fist against his and they made an explosion sound. Then he looked at Ruzek, puzzled.

''Good.'' Jay answered then.

''This is Adam Ruzek, he is the rookie of our unit.'' Antonio said and Jay nodded at Ruzek, felt guilty again he couldn't remember him. Hopefully he would soon, because Ruzek seemed like a really nice person.

''I swear, do that fist-explosion thing again and I am going to hit you, Antonio.'' Erin laughed and Antonio just looked at her with a funny expression and Ruzek and Antonio lifted the wheelchair up the few steps with ease. When they entered Platt looked over the desk, ready to yell at Ruzek but then she saw they were helping Jay inside.

''Forget her before you remember her.'' Antonio joked and Jay looked at the lady...she didn't seem unfriendly.

''You want to lift him up those stairs too!?'' Platt said then and she pointed at the narrow, curved stairs and Ruzek and Antonio nodded.

''We are not like you Platt, we have power in arms...instead of our mouths.'' Ruzek said and Platt threw her pen on the desk.

''Patrol duty, Ruzek.''

''Antonio, if you help me I can maybe get up the stairs.'' Jay offered then and Antonio looked at him. It would be a lot easier.

''Are you sure?''

Jay nodded and Antonio carefully laid his around around Jay's back, grabbed his arm and lifted him up. Ruzek supported him on the other side and slowly they made their way up the stairs. When they reached the unit they helped Jay sat down on the chair behind his desk and Jay looked around.

''I remember...this was my desk.'' He said as he looked at the desk...that was the messiest desk even though he hadn't been here for three weeks. There were pencils and small notes everywhere.

''I always sat on top of it when we were talking about a case.'' He said then, wondering and Antonio nodded.

''The chair was never good enough for your butt.'' Antonio laughed. Jay laughed back and sighed. It was good to be back, even though he didn't remember much except for his desk and he looked at Erin, felt sorry that he did remember a stupid piece of wood but still didn't remember the people around him.

Some people walked towards him and one of the guys bow over the desk, hit Jay on his shoulder.

''Good to have you back here.''

''Voight.'' Erin said ands he pointed at the other: ''Olinsky.''

''Sorry... I can't remember you.'' Jay said as the men stood in front of him.

''Doesn't matter, it will come.'' Voight said and Antonio looked at Jay.

''Do you want something to drink?''

Jay nodded and Antonio walked away. Olinsky felt so bad for the young detective. He had become so thin and weak. Voight started explaining about the the case they were workingon and Jay just listening. It was better than daytime TV. Antonio handed him a bottle of water and Jay just took it, not knowing how to open it and he laid it on his desk. He didn't want to ask for help now and the others already seemed to feel sorry.

Erin saw him looking at the bottle and opened it for him and let him drink some, carefully while Voight kept talking. Jay was glad they just kept talking.

It was late in the afternoon before Antonio and ruzek helped him downstairs and back in the wheelchair so he could go back to the hospital, as he was tired and he knew he had to eat something, but wasn't allowed to eat something. He was going to miss being around them. Even though he didn't remember the it was nice being around them and out of the hospital.

The grumpy lady behind the desk said bye to him very nicely and he was confused now again, if she was nice or not.

In the hospital Erin laid Jay down on the bed, wanted to help him get back in sweatpants and an old t-shirt and ready for bed, but he looked confused.

''What is wrong?''

''I don't...I don't...I can't figure out in what order I should undress myself.'' He said and she started getting his shoes off.

''Always start with the shoes, because you will have to get them off to get your jeans off...should I call a nurse?'' She asked as she didn't know if he found this awkward.

''It's okay.'' He said then but she decided to call a nurse anyway, as she didn't know with the feeding tube that was still on his stomach.

''Maybe...you can ask if I can eat something...I would love to eat something.'' He said then and she nodded, walked out of the room and asked a nurse, whom said he could have some jello and directed her to another nurse. She followed the nurse and his mother walked also over the hallway.

''Just going to visit him for a few minutes.'' She said and Erin nodded. She got handed a small cup of jello after a few minutes and walked back to the room. His mom was gone and almost triumphantly she held up the cup with jello as she walked past the window and he was looking at her.

Back in the room Erin sat don Jay's bedside, holding the cup with jello and he was so glad he could finally eat some jello as a first try of eating again.

''Hey, what is wrong?'' She asked as he had been crying. His eyes were read, which always indicated he had been crying. Hopefully it was nothing something his mother had said...but she also hoped he wasn't in pain.

''Nothing...it was nothing.'' He said and he looked at the jello and slowly showed a small smile again.

''Finally, some food...or well...dessert.'' He sighed.

Carefully she put some on the spoon and brought it to his mouth. She had been feeding Justin when Voight just had took her in and he was still small...but it was a lot harder feeding Jay, somehow. Maybe because she was more afraid to do something wrong.

''Doesn't even taste that bad.'' He said with a wry smile. A large chunk fell from the spoon on his chin.

''I think it tastes better in my mouth.'' He said and she bow forward to wipe it away.

''Sorry.'' She said as she was really bad at feeding him.

''It doesn't matter.'' He said as he was already glad he was allowed to eat something instead getting feeded by the tube. Erin bow forward to wipe the jello of his chin and suddenly he looked her in the eyes as she came closer and she felt she was starting to blush, like an awkward teenager who fell in love for the first time. For a second she doubted if she should kiss him...but she didn't want to startle him as he had no memory of their relationship. carefully she wiped the jello away and looked back at him as she backed up.

''I was wondering...why were to no pictures on my desk like on Antonio's...Adams...and Olinsky's.'' He said as he looked at her. ''Did...I have anybody before I was shot?''

He seemed afraid, almost like he was afraid to get hurt that he was alone.

''There were no pictures on your desk because your girlfriend was always with you...in the office...and she is now.'' She said he looked her, surprised. He had been wondering why Erin sticked around him but he had never dared to ask her why she was here.

''Let's be clear about this, I don't have any expectations for us, I can understand that you are not in love with me anymore.''

Suddenly his fingers intertwined with hers. Slow but surely.

''I will remember you...I promise. That's an expectation you should have.'' He said softly as he moved his other hand up, the back of his hand caressing the side of his face, awkward as his motor skills were still minimal, but he could do it.

''You are the pretty and sweet and I don't know what waking up would be without you. You are here for me and all I can promise is to keep expecting that I will remember you.'' He said and his hand fell down again on the blanket, but he kept smiling at her.

''I know you will...and till then...I will still be here with you.'' Erin promised as she kissed him on his cheek. He smiled at her again and she smiled back. Slowly she was getting hope again that they would be together again.

* * *

NOTE: Jay promised Erin he will remember her and will love her again.. will he remember her? What did his mother tell him that got him so upset? What do you think she said?

I hope you liked this chapter! I hope you liked the visit to the station and the cute part at the end. Thank you for reading and please leave a review with what you thought of this chapter and what you hope to see!


	7. Chapter 7

''You are doing great.'' Antonio said as he sat down beside the treadmill Jay was walking and he checked the clock, say Jay was already walked for over five minutes and slowly he made it go slower and made it stop.

''I wasn't done yet.'' Jay said as he wanted to put it back on but couldn't remember what button was for what. He pressed on one of the buttons and it started again but Antonio put it off again and took Jay to the bench, told him to sit down and let him drink some water.

''You shouldn't strain yourself.'' Antonio said worried and Jay nodded.

''But I want to do this.'' Jay said determined.

''I know, but there is no reason to strain yourself. You could suffer a setback if you strain yourself too much. That's not what you want, right?''

Jay shook his head. He was sweating and panting and Antonio knew he had already been straining himself with these five minutes of walking.

''Right, so let's not overdo in training.''

Jay nodded and they made the way back to his room and Jay looked at Antonio.

''Actually...I do feel like I have to strain myself. My mom wants to take me to Missouri in a private hospital to get better care...I want to show her that I can recover here so I dont have to go away.'' Jay said as he sat down his bed and Antonio helped him with getting his shoes off.

''You should tell your mom you don't want to go to Missouri...she can't force you.''

Jay nodded at Antonio and Antonio helped him lay back in bed as Jay was kind of tired and he liked to take a nap. As Jay was in bed Antonio left the room, almost bumping into his mom.

''He is asleep.'' Antonio said rude as he was mad at the woman for making Jay's recovery even worse.

''I am just going to go in -''

''No, you are walking to the cafeteria with me now because I need to talk to you.''

Jays mom did so and they sat down.

''Jay just told me you want to take him to Missouri and he doesn't want to go to Missouri.''

''Well, I think he can get better care close to me.'' His mom said and she wanted to get a leaflet from her back but Antonio kept on talking. Maybe she was afraid to lose him out of her care when she went back to Missouri but Antonio couldn't let this happen.

''I don't think so, because he is straining himself to get better to he doesn't have to leave the only people and places he knows. Straining could cause a major setback and I don't want him to get hurt again. Don't force him into going some place he doesn't want. You are only making his recovery worse like this.''

His mother shook his head.

''I am his mother, I only want the best for him.''

''He is receiving the best care we can get here and Erin and I are trying to help him every way we can but instead of helping us you are pushing back and we can't do this without you. If you support his, we could support him all together which would help his recovery.''

It made Antonio so mad, they were helping Jay and his mom tried to rip him away from the only people he had beside her. He didn't recall anything and the only thing that was known to him now was almost getting ruined by her. She was making it harder for Jay instead of easier. It made him so damn angry!

His mother nodded...slowly but look up at him.

''Still, I want him to go to the medical facility in Missouri. It has proven it let's patients with a brain injury recover really well.''

''He doesn't want to go!'' Antonio stood up, mad and he was afraid he would get even more upset with the woman he decided to go away. She wouldn't take him to Missouri, never. Even if it was the last thing he did, he would make sure Jay stayed here with the only place and people he knew. In the evening, Erin had to finish some important paper work so she would be a little later. At work he had told Erin about his mother's new idea and she had gotten very mad and upset as well. Together they had promised each other they would never let him go with his mother if he didn't want to - it was his own choice after all.

Jay was awake now, eating some jello while laughing as he was watching a tv show and Antonio was glad he seemed a little cheered up from his morning. Antonio looked at the TV an chuckled as he saw he was watching Spongebob.

''It is easier to understand.'' Jay said gloomy as he thought Antonio was laughing at him but Antonio shook his head.

''It's okay, it's a fun show. I was laughing because I enjoy watching it too.'' He calmed Jay down.

''Where is Erin?'' He asked as Antonio sat down and they had promised to come with the two of them.

''She will be a little later...did your mom visit you after I was gone?''

''No, she didn't.'' Jay answered as he laid back in the pillows, looking at Antonio. It felt good to have a friend like Antonio who came by every day. Even though he couldn't remember Antonio was here every day with Erin.

''I told her she is not going to take you to Missouri and she is not going to. I promise you, Jay. I won't let her take you away.''

''Really?'' Jay said hopeful and Antonio nodded. Only now he realized how vulnerable Jay was.

''Really.'' Erin said as she walked into the room and she sat dow next to Antonio. Jay's eyes filled with tears as he grabbed both their hands.

''I don't want to leave you.'' He said worried and Erin nodded.

''You are not going to Missouri, we keep you here. I promise and Antonio promises.''

Slowly Jay seemed to calm down and he ate his jello as Antonio and Erin talked about the case they were doing. Although he didn't understand the cases he liked to hear about them. Maybe it was just hearing Antonio and Erin talk like he though it had been before.

Antonio left a little later, giving him and Erin some time alone and Erin looked to the floor.

''I heard from Antonio you are straining yourself to stay here with us. Please don't do that. If you keep doing that something is bound to go wrong and then you are back at square one. That would give your mother a reason to talk about taking you to Missouri again.''

Jay nodded, sad and she nodded back.

''Don't strain yourself, promise?''

''Promise...but which promise do I have to keep to first?'' He frowned, confused and Erin realized that he was trying to make an order in the promises...something he couldn't do anymore.

''You don't have to make an order. Just try to stick to both.'' She helped him and he nodded. She took his hand in hers again as he started to fall asleep again after the exhausting day.

In his dreams, he kept being haunted by his mom taking him away from his only friends. No, he didn't want to leave Chicago! He didn't want to leave Erin and Antonio! He didn't want to leave the only city he knew!

At night he suddenly woke up and he tried to keep himself from getting too awake but too many thoughts were haunting through his head. What if Erin and Antonio couldn't stop his mom from taking him Missouri? That would mean that everything he knew now would be gone again...Erin...Antonio...the guys at the police station. He barely knew them but it was all he knew now. He didn't want to lose them again...maybe he had to fight harder!

Slowly Jay opened his eyes and slid out of bed. Holding his bed he walked to end of the room and he grabbed his sport shoes from the floor, walking through the door. The lights were out on the hallway and he grabbed the railing as he started to walk over the hall, barefoot. Most other patients who hadn't closed their blinds were asleep and he figured it had to be early in the morning. His legs were already shaking as he made the short walk over the hallway to the elevator but he wanted to do this, he didn't want to go to Missouri.

He walked into the elevator and pressed the door closed button, like had seen the nurses doing. The doors closed...but nothing happened. Confused he started to press random buttons and suddenly the elevator started to move and the doors opened but he realized he was not on the right floor. He pressed another button and sighed relieved when he was on the floor where the PT room was. Slowly he walked into the room and sat down in the bench, the room only lit by the exit sign. He looked in the mirror in front of him and looked at his hollow face, thin arms and shaking, tin legs that were visible under his short and he felt bad. He knew he was not the man in the picture Erin had brought. He had been strong there, big and muscly and now he was thin, weak. It made him feel even worse and he wanted to train now. He wanted to train for Erin and Antonio, to prove he could stay here and he wanted to be the man in the picture again.

Slowly he slid his bare feet in the shoes and he was pretty sure he forgot something but he couldn't recall it and lost he looked at the loose shoelaces, no idea what to do with them. He sat there for a few minutes and stood up then, walking to the treadmill. He put it on and started to walk on it. Then, he suddenly couldn't raise his right leg because he stood on his shoelace and he fell forward, on the treadmill, off the treadmill, on the floor. A piecing pain pinched through his stomach and he laid curled up on the floor, crying from his pain as his stomach hurt so bad as he couldn't stand up. Carefully he laid his hand against the feeding tube that was still in there because he couldn't eat anything else than jello he was afraid he hurt something with the tube in the fall.

Laying there, crying in the dark with only the greenish, vague light of the exit sign, he hoped somebody would found him soon, not being able to stand up. Ouch his stomach...and did he break his hip? Everything hurt so bad.

He tried to calm down as he waited...waited for somebody to find him.

* * *

NOTE: Poor, poor Jay. Who is to blame for all of this, he or his mother? Hopefully somebody will find him soon...but if it's the middle of the night...and was Antonio right about a huge setback?

I hope you liked this chapter and you are not going to dislike me for the cliff-hanger at the end. Thank you so much for still reading and don't forget to leave a review with what you thought of this chapter and what you think of future chapters - of course you weren't going to forget that, you were on your way to the review box, right? ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Jay wasn't sure how much time had passed when he finally heard somebody open the door. Hours, probably. His hand laid against his t-shirt, that felt sticky because of the blood and his stomach was still hurting, as well as his hip. He wasn't sure where the blood was coming from but he figured something was wrong with the feeding tube, but in the dark he could not see anything. His mouth was dry and he almost lost conciousness, but he wasn't sure if it was because of the pain or because he had been laying here for hours.

''Always those damn treadmills. Has been running for hours, probably.'' The man grumbled as he walked to the treadmill but saw the wounded, hurt man on the floor then.

''Hey buddy, what are you doing here?'' The janitor said worried and then he saw the man on the floor was bleeding. Worried he called a medical team and Jay started to cry, relieved they finally found him.

''What happened?'' The janitor asked worried. The man had been cried and seemed pale and he was afraid the man hurt himself by training at night. He wasn't the first patient to do that but he kept questioning why people kept risking their own health like this.

''I fell.'' Jay cried and the door opened again, a few nurse and his doctor walking in.

''Jay, you can't...'' The doctor said worried when he saw the blood in t-shit and carefully lifted his shirt up. He gasped as he saw the tube, ripped out of the man's stomach. ''Bring him to a OR!''

The nurses ran away to get a gurney and his doctor looked at Jay, worried. ''Any pain in your neck...back...feeling numb?''

''No, just my hip...and my stomach...''

The doctor looked at his hip, worried. But luckily his hip didn't seem dislocated or broken.

''I am sorry, I just wanted to show that I could do it on my own.'' Jay cried.

Moments later the nurses entered and Dr. Daniels sedated him as Jay was in a lot of pain. He felt so bad for the man, that he had strained himself so much just to show he was recovering. All they could hope now was that his stomach would not get infected.

A few hours later, Jay woke up in the pacu, feeling somebody was holding his hand when he felt nausea and sore. Ugh... He opened his eyes for a second realized he was not in his own room...but his eyes fell shut again.

''Jay?'' Erin's voice sounded worried and Jay tried to open his eyes, but somebody was pulling him back to sleep. He lost his conciousness again and when he woke up Erin was sitting by his bedside, but reading a book now and they were back at his own room.

_Erin smiled at him, took his hand an took him around, around to see the world he did not remember but he would remember everything she said. Everything to the tiniest detail. She too him to cities, to mountains, to everything. Everything he might have seen before but could not remember...until he woke up. _

He coughed, trying to catch his breathe and when he moved his hand to his mouth he realized it was covered by an oxygen mask and his hand fell back on the blanket.

''Jay.'' Erin sighed, tears filling her eyes. She was so glad he was awake again, afraid he couldn't wake up because he had been fighting the infection that was raging in his abdomen after he had ripped out the feeding tube in his fall and his stomach and the tube area had gotten infected. They hadn't been able to put the tube back as the skin and his stomach were both infected nor was he able to eat and they had been so afraid he had not been able to fight the infection...but luckily he woke up now.

''Oh, I have been so worried.'' Erin said as a tear dripped down her cheek and his eyes fell shut again.

_Erin kissed him, softly, tender. Again, kissed him on his forehead while he put his beer away and kissed her back, his arms around her and he pulled her on top of him as they laid down on the bed. He wanted to hold her, stay with her forever and wanted to protect her, so she could never get hurt. _

_''I love you.'' She said as her fingers caressed through his hair and her lips traced the side of his face._

_''I love you too.'' He whispered as his hands caressed over her back. He would stay with her forever..._

When he woke up again he felt a little better. Jay took the picture from his nightstand that was still here, from the unit and his thumb rubbed over Erin on the picture...was he having feelings for her? He didn't even know what friendship was anymore but he felt something special for her. Like he wanted to be with her all day long and she made him feel special. The dream confused him ever more...did he really dream about Erin?

Antonio suddenly entered the room and saw Jay looked at Lindsay on the picture, dreamy.

''You love her, don't you? You are remembering you loved her.'' He said with a smile but Jay shook his head.

''I don't know...I feel something...deep inside...but I don't know what it is.''

''It's probably love.'' Antonio said with a smile.

''I am afraid I am not good enough for her.'' Jay said as he bow his head and Antonio laid his hand on his shoulder.

''Erin loves you too..she always will. She loved you no matter what, Jay. You can't imagine how scared she was when you were shot and she never left your side. She doesn't care you might forget things and mess up the order of things. All she cares about is you. You are good enough for her, you are all she wishes.'' Antonio said and Jay nodded.

''I just don't dare to...what if she really doesn't...I don't know if it's love.'' Jay sighed as even his own thoughts were hard to follow and sat he looked at the picture again.

Antonio left as he had to go home to Laura and the kids and Jay had just started eating his jello he was allowed to try again when Lindsay entered.

''You are eating!'' She sighed happily as she saw him eating the jello. ''Finally.''

''What happened with me after the fall?'' He asked Erin and she sat down. He heard a few things from Antonio but he was sure Erin would tell it a little more easier to understand.

''You fell of the thread mill when you tried to train at night. Why did you do that?'' She asked a little sad.

''I just wanted to show...I could recover here.'' He explained as he didn't want to leave and he knew she knew, but he also realized he had made a stupid decision with walking at night. What if the janitor hadn't come? He could have been there for much longer!

''I know, I am sorry for being to harsh.'' She said as she took his hand and she looked back at him.

''You...The feeding tube got ripped out during the fall and it got infected. They couldn't place it back and you couldn't eat. They were so afraid you would get really weak because of the lack of food and wouldn't be able to fight the infection.''

''I feel weak.'' Jay said and Erin looked at him with a sorry face. She had thought he had seemed a lot better but unfortunately he hadn't felt a lot better. Erin realized he meant that he was too weak to eat and she sat down on his bedside and took the jello, taking a bit on the spoon and bringing it to his mouth.

''Don't drop it on my chin.'' He laughed and he ate the jello she gave him. It made him feel better his sore stomach was not empty and hopefully he would regain his power soon again. But his sore hip had to get better before he could walk again, too.

He ate most of it until she dropped a bit down on his chin again and he started to laugh as she laughed apologizing and came close again to wipe it away. For a second he doubted if he should kiss her like he did in his dreams as she was so close now. She was so pretty.

No...he didn't know. He was so confused. He just wished everything was back as it ever was when he was sure that what he felt for her was love.

''I am sorry I am so bad at this.'' She said as she started to blush and finished with the jello. Glad he ate it all.

''They are reopening the case about the shooting...they think it was a mistake of the unit that you were shot.'' She said then, upset as she was upset this investigation was really shaking things up at the already shaken unit. It could mean something bad if they found something that could have caused that they were to blame.

''It will be okay.'' Jay said as he still hoped he would return within a few weeks like nothing happened, but he also knew that with his brain damage, that was not likely at all.

He got tired again as his eyes fell shut again every few seconds as she was talking. Not because what she told was not interesting but he was simply too exhausted from just eating after the infection weakened his body so much.

''I need to go home.'' She said as she saw he was at the end of his power and as she stood up she kissed him on his cheek, looking up perplexed then. It had been something she had done when he was still asleep but now that he was awake, she had no idea if he loved her - no of course he didn't! He didn't even remember her!

With a red face she apologized and walked out of his room.

Confused Jay laid his hand against his cheek, on the spot she had just kissed him. It gave him a fuzzy feeling inside. Was this love?

Right now..he just felt confused.

* * *

NOTE: Is Jay falling in love with her again or is he confusing memories and dreams with feelings? Can he figure this out and will he every feel good enough again and can he recover again after this huge setback? Where is his mom and can Erin contain her feelings for him while he figures everything out? Will the investigation have nasty consequences for the unit?

I hope you like this chapter although it was kinda blurry as it was from Jay's POV and he has been out a lot. I also hope you liked the dream sequences.

Thank you for reading and just like with the previous chapter: Please don't forget to leave a review about what you think about this story and like to see...you know where the review box is ;)


	9. Chapter 9

''Slowly.'' Antonio said as Jay started to stumble on the thread mill, but at least he was walking again.

''No, I can't anymore.'' Jay panted and Antonio helped him off the threadmill. Antonio helped him sit down in the wheelchair and Jay laid his hand on his hip. It still hurt, even two weeks after the fall. The doctor had told him again it was just bruised and sore from the fall and that it was so sore because he probably landed on the bone because he had lost so much weight already.

Antonio brought him back to his room as it was time for him to leave to the station and Erin was waiting by the door of dr. Daniels. Lately, Jay had seen really unhappy being in the hospital and she knew that he wanted to get out of here. Maybe it was okay for him to do the rest of recovery at home. She could take him in, as well as Antonio. But that was his choice to make.

''Miss Lindsay, can I help you with something?'' He asked as she was waiting for him by his office and she nodded. He pointed her to inside and she sat down.

''I was wondering...I think it's better for ja- mr. Halstead - if he could recover at home. I know he can't care for himself but both me and Antonio offer a place to stay.''

''I also think it is better for Jay. He will have to come to the hospital multiple times a week for therapy and if it strikes back on his therapy we have to make another choice...but I think it's good he recovers somewhere with the people who care a lot about him and he is out of the hospital after such a long time.'' The doctor nodded and a few minutes later after talking with the doctor about him living the hospital a little longer she walked to his room, excited.

He was watching tv while eating and Erin was glad he could finally eat some decent meals now.

''Enjoying the mashed potatoes?'' She asked and he nodded. ''They don't taste like much.''

''I will make some of my special mashed potatoes for you with spices so they will taste good.'' She said with a smile and Jay nodded.

''I just talked to your doctor and if you want to leave the hospital, you can. Antonio and me both offer you a place to stay and recover but it is your choice to make where you would like to stay.''

''Antonio already has kids...doesn't he?''

''Yes, he had a son and a daughter and he also has a lovely wife. I am sure you will feel at home in their family.''

''I want to stay with you...I think the kids can be overwhelming.'' He said and Erin nodded.

''We will go home tomorrow.'' She smiled and Jay laughed, happy. He was happy he would finally leave the hospital and he was sure he could manage with Erin.

The day progressed slowly as he couldn't wait to leave the hospital tomorrow and go home with Erin. He just wanted to leave this place as it depressed him and maybe when he was at home with her, he could help her more often instead of laying in bed and waiting for something to help.

At night he could hardly sleep and he was very early in the morning with packing his bag and getting all the stuff ready.

''I will see you back next thursday, Jay.'' dr. Daniels greeted him and he was also glad Jay was going home with the people who cared about him instead of being here all day long. There still was a really long road of recovery ahead but it would get better, he was sure. A part of that was because of his dear friends.

A nurse brough Jay to the entry with a wheelchair as it was a long walk and he couldn't walk for too long and it was a long walk from his room to the entrance.

Erin was already waiting for him and they went to her car and Jay enjoyed being outside for the firs time since they went to the district because of his setback.

Jay looked at her as she was driving them home and he looked how she steered, used the signals and the clutch. It seemed so complicated while his drivers license told him that he had been doing this too, before. Maybe he had been driving the two of them before in their car when they worked together as partners in the CPD.

''I can never drive again.'' He said then, sad.

''Don't give up. You might not be able to remember how to drive now, but you can still remember.'' She said with a heartwarming smile and slowly he started to nod.

Erin thought back. About a month ago, she had still imagined that right now, they would be working together again, but it wasn't true. It wasn't even sure if Jay ever got back to work. She parked the car and pointed at her apartment on the third floor.

''I live there...right there...that's your bedroom window.'' She smiled friendly as they got out of the car. She held his arm as they walked to the elevator, afraid he would get overwhelmed by everything and they went to her floor and she opened the door.

''Maybe you remember something here...just like in the police station.'' She said and Jay nodded. He hoped he would as maybe it would mean he would remember her. But when they entered the modern apartment, he didn't remember anything. She walked in front of him as she opened the door.

''I am sorry...it's a little small.'' She said as showed him the bedroom. There was a low queensize bed and a cabinet with a few drawers in which she had already put a lot of his clothes which she had gotten from his home and there was a small desk.

''It's better than the hospital room.'' He smiled as he sat down at the bed and looked at the view. For a second Lindsay doubted if she should let him sleep in her bed and she could sleep here, but she figured he would be okay with everything.

''I brought most of your clothes from your house.'' She said as she opened the drawers and showed him.

''But if they are too big or you don't like them, we can go to the shop.''

Jay nodded and Erin smiled as she leaned against the cabinet. ''So, what do you want for dinner tonight?''

''I...don't really mind.'' Jay said as he had no idea what he should choose as he had no idea of what he liked and what Erin was good at preparing in the kitchen.

''I got a list from dr. Daniels with things that will help you gain strength...prepare yourself because you will have to eat a lot.'' She said as she thought about the list. He had even insisted Jay would eat an appetizer, main dish and dessert every evening. Hopefully she had time enough to still prepare all those things for him when she was going back to work. But she would still make sure he would get enough.

''Besides...guess what we are going to do tomorrow.''

''What?'' Jay asked, a little mad as he couldn't handle surprises.

''You are going back to the work tomorrow in the unit as you have no therapy...well if you feel good enough to go to work.''

''But I can't remember our cases.'' Jay said sad.

''Doesn't matter, there is enough to do. Being a detective is more than handcuffing a bad guy.''

''Then I guess I should save energy for tomorrow.'' He said with with a smile as he laid down on the bed and she left him alone to take nap as she sat down on the couch, watching tv. She smiled as she thought about what she and Antonio had been planning. Antonio had told her that she should take Jay to the station every day he had no therapy rather than leaving him alone. Together with Jin they had thought of a system that would make him feel helpful as he really seemed to enjoy helping people and it would keep him busy. Together with Jin they had made a table and made some deals with several people all through the district. Basically, Jay would be bringing 'important' folders and papers to those people and after walking several rounds, he would pick up the same files. It would make him feel important and happy.

They didn't want to belittle him but they knew that letting him sit in the office, now knowing what to do, would make him feel even worse.

Jay suddenly left his bedroom and sat down next to her.

''Can't sleep...but that's because I am not so tired I think.'' He said as he sat down on the couch and looked at the movie she was watching.

''We could watch something else if you like.'' She proposed but he shook his head and they kept watching the movie. When she looked aside Jay was asleep and as his head laid sideways on the back of the couch she could see the large scar on the back of his head. His hair was almost as long as it had been before again, but the rough skin was still visible and a thin red line could be seen his neck as well. She knew it was miracle he survived. Slowly she stood up to prepare dinner and while she was in the kitchen he suddenly came walking her way.

''Can I help you?''

She nodded and pointed at the package of spaghetti laying on the other side of the kitchen.

''Please take the spaghetti, get the wrapping off, break the spaghetti and put it in the water.'' She said absent as she continued cutting the vegetables for the sauce.

Jay grabbed the spaghetti and turned around. His hands started to shake as he had no idea what came next and the package dropped from his hand.

''Sorry.'' She said as she knew she shouldn't give him too many things to process and do at once and slowly he packet it up again.

''Walk to the table.'' She said friendly as he did so and he laid the package down.

''Open it and...'' she waited until he did so. ''Take the spaghetti out.'' He showed her the spaghetti in his hands.

''Break it.''

He did so and a few parts fell on the floor and he looked down.

''It's okay.'' She said as she realised she should have told him to do it above the boiling water.

''You can throw it in now.''

He did so and looked at her with a sad smile.

''I am sorry I messed it up.''

''You didn't, the spaghetti is boiling.'' She said with a smile and there was a knock on the door.

''Errrr...'' Erin said as she didn't want to leave Jay alone in the kitchen. ''Can you open the door? It's probably Antonio...his mother made dessert for you.''

Jay nodded and walked to the door. She heard Antonio talking to him and they walked into the kitchen together.

''Jay...you should bring this to your room.'' Antonio said as he handed Jay the book he had taken for Jay about boxing and Jay walked away with it, happy.

''Actually...I need to talk to you for a minute.'' Antonio said as he closed the door so Jay couldn't hear him and Erin frowned. They had promised not to keep secrets from Jay, because it would make him feel left out.

''What...'' Erin said a little mad and confused when Antonio was sure that Jay was gone.

''We are trouble...big trouble.'' Antonio said then and Erin looked at him.

''What is it? Is about Jay? The investigation?'' She asked worried and he nodded.

''Not so much Jay...his mother.''

Erin sighed. She hoped his mother was not doing something bad again.

''What is it?'' She asked again and Antonio sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.

''Today Voight announced that we, the department, got sued for neglecting the safety of Jay during the raid because nobody was in time to catch up with the shooter and the investigation said we could have caught up in time. His mom is the person suing us.''

* * *

NOTE: Uh oh, his mother again. Will she ruin the department? How will things go between Erin and Jay now he is recovering at her home and how will his first day back in the department go? Can they hide that his mom is seeing his only friends?

I hope you liked this chapter! Thank you for reading and I always love to hear what you thought about this chapter! Please tell me what you thought, both positive and negative and maybe what you hope to see in this story! Thank you in advance!


	10. Chapter 10

Jay's alarm went off and slowly he rolled over and pressed on the button like Erin had shown him. He laid there for a few seconds and he closed his eyes as he was still tired but he knew he had to get out. There was a short knock on the door and he leaned forward, opening it.

''Good morning sleepyhead.'' She laughed as she saw how tired he was but she also wanted to make sure he was really up for going to the station today.

''If you don't feel well enough we could wait a little longer before getting you back at the station.'' She said but he shook his head.

''Well, the bathroom is free for you. Should I get the shower on for you?''

He nodded and together they choose some clothes for him to wear and take the bathroom so he could get dressed after his shower and she got the shower on.

''I am going to make us some breakfast. Just come to the kitchen when you are ready but if you need some help, just yell for me.'' She said and he nodded as she closed the bathroom door. He got his sweatpants and t-shirt off he wore in bed and stepped under the water. It was a little to hot and when he tried to get it a little colder it became completely cold. Lost he looked at the blue and red but he didn't dare to turn as he was afraid it would get too hot. Shivering he got out of the shower a few minutes later and looked at the pile of clothes. Getting his underpants and jeans on was easy but he looked confused at the two shirts that were there, one with long sleeves and one with short sleeves. Why would he need two shirts? Maybe the shorter was for when he got cold. A few minutes later he was still shivering as he left the bathroom and walked to the kitchen. Erin frowned as he entered the kitchen.

''Look out! your shoelaces are not tied.'' She said worried as she walked his way and tied them for him before he could fall. She would explain it to him tonight and then she looked at his shirt. He was wearing the black long-sleeved shit and she tried not to smirk as she looked at the red part of the t-shirt that was peeking fro under the black shirt.

''Jay, you are supposed to put the t-shirt over the long sleeved shirt.'' She said friendly and he frowned.

''Why?''

''It...well...you always wore it like that.'' She explained, no idea how to tell him another way. He nodded and he walked back to his bedroom the change the shirts and he checked his hair in the mirror. As long as it covered the scar on the back of his head he did not really care. In the kitchen Erin gave him a plate full of food and he looked at the large stash of scrambled egg and toast.

''I am not that hungry.'' He said honest and she nodded at the plate.

''You need it...you have a whole day of work ahead.'' She said with a friendly smile after she joined him with a plate and they had breakfast.

''Are we going to walk to the station?'' He asked but she shook his head. ''You are going to need that hip longer today...so no walking to the station.'' She answered and he nodded relieved.

After grabbing the last stuff they went to the station and walked up the stairs together. Jay remembered some of the people when they had been here before and he was glad to see Antonio again as he had left immediately yesterday after giving him the dessert and the book.

''The cake your mother made was really great.'' Jay said and Antonio smiled. ''Glad you enjoyed.''

Voight and Olinsky greeted him back as well and Jay was glad he could sit behind his desk again.

''Are we going to get to work or what?'' Voight said and Antonio got the files ready.

''Oh...Jay...could you bring this to Platt?'' Antonio asked and he handed Jay a file.

''Platt is the lady downstairs?'' Jay asked just to be sure and Antonio nodded.

''Yeah, that ugly old toad.'' Antonio said with a wink and Jay smirked.

''I think that is Spanish for that lady that is going to smack you if you speak that language again, Antonio Dawson!'' Platt's voice sounded from the hallway and they laughed. Jay made his way downstairs after Platt and Erin nodded at Antonio.

Platt would send him to the next person and the next person would keep sending him on until he ended at Jin, who would let him make the same circle backwards. It would just be for now, so he could meet the people again and find out where everything was in the station without belittling him too much or giving him a complete tour.

''So...the lawsuit.'' Voight sighed as Jay had left the office and they could talk about it now.

''I don't know honestly. The investigation proves it. She has us by the balls.'' Antonio said sad and Erin nodded.

''I don't get why she is making to hard on her son.'' She sighed sad.

''I know...unfortunatly there is not much we can do now. All we can do now is support Jay and make sure he recovers well.''

They started working on their case again and jay entered sometimes, proudly telling his progress and he drank some coffee with them during the break. In the lunch he and Erin and Adam and Antonio had lunch in a bistro close by and after lunch he continued. It gave him a good feeling helping people like this.

''Whoah, Jay! It's good to see you here again.'' A cop slapped him on the shoulder and Jay looked at him, confused.

''I don't-''

''Oh don't tell me you didn't see the Blackhawks game yesterday...or were you doing Erin?''

Confused Jay walked away.

''Hey Jay!'' Somebody else greeted him.

Panicking, Jay ran into the males bathroom and closed the stall. He didn't know these people but they knew him! It made him terrified they kept talking to him while they had no idea who they were and they didn't seem to know he didn't remember anything.

Upstairs Ruzek looked around. It was past four now and Jay should have been back by now. He had told them in lunch he didn't have much to do left and that he would be finished soon after lunch. That was three hours ago.

''Shouldn't Jay be back by now?''

Antonio shrugged. ''Maybe his hip started to hurt so he sat down for a while. I am sure he is fine.''

''I am going to check on him.'' Ruzek said as he walked down the stairs. He didn't want something nasty to happen to Jay on his first day, like losing the way or getting confused because people asked too much of him. It hurt him, to see his friend in this state. He knew Jay wasn't unhappy but it was sad to see the man that always had told him what to do and was his superior so confused and fragile.

''Have you seen Jay?''

''Yeah...he retrieved the file here again...like...two hours ago.'' Platt said, not looking away from the computer as she was busy and Ruzek walked on to Jin. He felt kinda stupid they let Jay walk around in circles all day long, but he had seemed really happy he could 'help' them and when he arrived at Jin's, he knocked on the door. ''Did Jay drop the file off here?''

Jin shook his head.

''You lost him?''

''I did.'' Ruzek said as he ran down the stairs again and walked through the building, hoping Jay just had gotten lost on the way to Jin and then he saw the bathroom door standing open. He heard a soft sniff and slowly he pushed the door open.

''Jay?''

He saw the folder with the files he should have brought to Jin and slowly he knocked on the door of the closed bathroom stall.

''Jay?''

Somebody on the hallway frowned and Ruzek closed the door.

''Yeah.'' Finally sounded sniffy from the bathroom stall.

''We are worried, are you okay?''

''No.'' He cried.

''You did great this morning...what happened?'' He asked worried. ''Let's get us something to drink upstairs and talk about it.'' Ruzek proposed but Jay didn't respond.

''The question, people they all confused me.'' Jay sniffed and Ruzek sighed.

''Some people might not know about your accident. Or most forgot. You shouldn't get upset, Jay. Just explain them what happened.'' Ruzek said full empathy and finally Jay left the bathroom stall, drying his tears.

''I feel stupid for crying.''

''It's not stupid.'' Ruzek assured him as they left the bathroom.

''We could go upstairs and ask Erin to take you home if you want to go home.'' Ruzek proposed but Jay shook his head: ''I want to finish this round.''

''I will walk with you.''

Jay nodded gratefully and together they walked up the stairs with the file and Jay handed it to Jin, proud.

''Thanks Jay, you are a great help.'' Jin smiled friendly and Jay smiled proud. ''You should bring this to Waters from homicide.'' Jin said as he handed him a file and Jay nodded. Ruzek walked with him to homicide and the detectives in the unit greeted Jay.

''I...I forgot everything since the accident.'' Jay said then and they nodded understanding, introduced each other and Jay handed the file to the woman who introduced herself as waters.

''Thanks Jay...can you give this to Antonio?'' She said as she handed him a sheet of paper and he nodded, almost ran back to the office with refound energy and enthusiasm as it was going so well.

''Hi Platt...bye Platt!'' He goofed as he ran up the stairs with a smile and Platt just shook her head but Ruzek could catch a glimpse of a smile. Everybody seemed to relieved Jay was doing to well. He seemed to enjoy his new found work for now and proud he handed the file to Antonio.

''I think we should call it a day.'' Erin said as she checked her watch. Voight nodded and she and Jay got ready to go home as the rest from the unit was cleaning the last things up.

When they got back home they had dinner and while she proposed they could watch a movie Jay said he was tired and went to bed. As she wanted to go to bed he suddenly hugged her tight and let go, walked to his room with a shy smile. He still didn't dare to kiss her...but he was sure his feelings did tell him he loved her...there was no longer confusion.

* * *

NOTE: Well, with Linstead not happening in PD we need a little - although awkward - linstead here. It started with a hug but will Lindsay not only get old Jay back through his recovery but also in her love life? When will we see his mom back? Can they convince her otherwise before they have to go to court?

I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you so much for reading and please don't forget to review! Reviewing keeps me writing!


	11. Chapter 11

Erin got up in the morning, smiling as today was another Jay would spend at the station with her. Two days ago had been his first day back at work and yesterday he had had therapy. Slowly she got up and got showered and dressed before knocking on Jay's door. Slowly she opened it, peeking inside but he was still asleep.

''Hey, it's time to wake up.'' She said softly as she kneeled down.

''Work today?'' He asked slowly as he sat up an she nodded., ''Well...if you feel up to it.'' She smiled but he seemed really tired.

''I don't feel so well.'' He said as he rubbed over his head. He didn't really have an headache but he felt light-headed and tired, like he hadn't been sleeping at all last night instead of hours longs.

She looked worried. ''What is wrong?''

''I am just...tired.'' Jay said and Erin nodded. ''Well...you should rest for today then.''

He walked to the kitchen with her to have breakfast together and he promised he would sleep after that but his eyes fell on the cookbooks standing at the shelf next to the fridge. Maybe he could make dinner for her once. She was so busy at work and he felt bad she had to make dinner after returning home.

''You can call me when you need something, remember? If I don't take my phone call Antonio and if he doesn't take his phone either call Laura.''

Jay nodded and her phone rang. She took it and looked up.

''What did she do?'' Mad she hung up a few minutes later. She looked upset, hurt. Tears were burning in her eyes and he wanted to ask her what was wrong but she was already grabbing her back and heading out.

''Jay, I got to go. Rest and please call me when something is wrong, okay?''

He nodded and looked worried as she seemed really upset as she walked away. He cleaned their plates away and laid down in his bed, looked at her car left the street and he turned around again, looking at the ceiling.

His eyes fell shut and he had another dream like the one before.

_He sat in the car with Erin, she was driving and he looked at the two coffee cups standing between them. She yawned and he nudged her against her shoulder._

_''Stay awake!'' He teased her. ''Stay awake or you have to let me drive.''_

_She chuckled as she looked at him. Her pretty smile stood out in her face as her eyes started to sparkle, like they always did when she smiled. The dimples were even cuter and he laid his hand against her face._

_''In your dreams.'' She laughed then. She would never let him drive, not because she didn't trust him but she liked to tease him. _

_''But you are the only thing I dream about'' He said as he kissed her in her neck and she laughed. He loved her, but somehow he had to hide it. He had the feeling they would never be together. _

Suddenly he woke up again and he felt less tired than this morning as he saw it was past noon. He took the plate with sandwiches and vegetables out of the fridge Erin had left him and had lunch. Looking at the books again the thought about the idea this morning. Maybe it would cheer her up as she seemed so upset.

He didn't like to see her so upset. She was so dear to him and so sweet...he didn't want to see her in pain. It hurt him to see her in pain. He took one of the books and choose a dish, walking to the fridge with every ingredient and realised there wasn't anything in there and he looked in his jeans, where there were some dollars left from their trip to the shop yesterday. Maybe he could get the ingredients.

Since he had hugged her, he realised she was special, that he had special feelings for her but he didn't dare to tell her, afraid she would reject him because he changed since the accident.

Slowly he made his way to the shop, not sure if he was walking in the right direction as yesterday was already a blur in his head again.

In the shop Jay walked around, looking for the stuff he needed to make the dish for Erin. Yesterday the shopping had been so much easier with Erin because she knew where everything was and he kept walking circles to find everything. It was frustrating.

Hopefully he could surprise her and show her how much she meant to him. The book seemed pretty easy and he threw the ingredients in the small basket when he suddenly passed the shelf with the dvds and he grabbed one of the movies, looking at the dvd. The poster reminded him...of Erin.

He shook his head. It was just a Disney movie. He had watched some in the hospital.

...but not this one...this one seemed special.

He threw it in the basket. He was sure it was special, somehow. Otherwise they could maybe watch it after dinner. Maybe it would make her feel better as she seemed really upset this morning. After paying he walked out of the shop.

''Sir...you have leave the basket here!'' The man by the door said and confused Jay looked at the basket with groceries in his hands. How was he going to carry it home otherwise?

''Sir, just take the plastic bag with groceries out.'' The man said friendly as he handed Jay the bag and Jay nodded, walking home. He was exhausted from the small walk to the shop and laid down on the couch, taking a nap.

When he woke up he was shocked it was past five and quick he started cooking. Quick he read the steps...when he realized there was no tomato.

How could he forget the tomato?

He had been in the shop!

Upset he sat down on the chair by the counter and looked in another book, found a dish without tomato and he heard Erin's car when he was cooking the meat and quick the threw the sauce over it, onto the pasta and looked at the dish, proud. He couldn't follow the directions in the book in the right order - or remember the right order of the ingredients but it didn't matter, it looked like the dish in the book! At least, that should be good...right? he started to doubt and for a second he thought about throwing it out. Why did his brain mess with everything? It made him feel sad again but instead he smiled. Maybe it was good after all.

''I am home!'' Erin announced as she entered and looked at Jay, standing there, holding the plate in his hand, proudly.

''I made you dinner.'' He said then with a smile and Erin smiled, looked at the strange looking pasta on the plate as they sat down by the table.

''Don't you have something to eat?'' She asked as they sat down at the table and he looked confused, realized he had been focussing on Erin's plate and had forgotten to make food for himself.

As she started to eat the pasta she realized it was uncooked and the sauce was cold, but the meat in the sauce was burned.

''I messed up.'' He said with a sad expression and she laid her hand on his arm.

''No, you did great...you tried and it is really really sweet.''

''Maybe we should get other food.'' Jay nodded sad and she nodded.

''Pizza?'' She asked then and he nodded.

While he kept sitting at the table, miserable she cleaned away the plate and she felt bad because he had really done his best to prepare dinner for her and it was so sweet from him. She ordered pizza for them and looked as he looked at the table and she put the books he had used for cooking back on the shelf.

''You tried, it was really really sweet.'' She said as she laid her hands on his shoulder and suddenly her eye fell on the dvd he was holding in his hands.

''Where did you get this?'' Erin asked surprised and he shrugged; ''I bought it in the supermarket. It reminded me of you, somehow.'' He said as he handed her the dvd. Right now he felt ridiculous he had said a Disney movie reminded him of her but he looked as she smiled at him.

''We went on our first date to see this movie.'' She said as tears filled her eyes. Did this really mean that he was starting to remember her? He couldn't remember the movie and he looked at the movie in her hands, gobshmacked.

''Didn't you like the movie?'' He asked worried as she started to cry but she shook her head.

''Let's watch it, shall we?'' She said with a smile as they walked to the living room, waiting for their pizza to arrive and Erin put the DVD in the DVD player and started the movie. Jay tried to remember seeing it but it was all one big blur. But he liked it a lot and during the movie he looked aside at Erin every now and then, if she was enjoying the movie as well. She jumped up as the pizza got delivered and they shared it.

When the movie was over and they cleaned the table he suddenly took her hand.

''I don't remember the date, or the movie. But I do know...that I love you.'' He suddenly admitted and Erin gave him a smile, not knowing what to do until he suddenly moved forward and kissed her on her lips. As he let go of the kiss she smiled at him, kissing him again.

''I am sorry I still don't remember you.'' He whispered as they held each other tight. He hated that he still didn't remember her but he wasn't confused about his feelings for her anymore. She was special. She made him feel special.

''It doesn't matter...love is all we need.'' Erin smiled as she held him in his arms and laid her head on his shoulder. This was all she wanted. This was all they needed.

* * *

NOTE: They are finding each other again! Will he still remember her and why did Erin seem so unhappy after the phone call? Could it have something to do with his mother, whom is going to appear next chapter? Is Jay having dreams or are his memories slowly coming back to him?

I hope you liked this chapter and thank you so much for all the reviews on the previous chapter. Reviews are motivation for me to write and it means a lot you want to read it. Thank you so much! Please to leave a review again and keep me writing! x


	12. Chapter 12

**IMPORTANT: The three cursive parts at the end of the story take place at the same time as the things happening between those parts but at another place. **

* * *

Erin was preparing breakfast when she suddenly felt two hours around her and Jay kissed her on his cheek.

''Good morning.'' He said softly as his chin was on her shoulder and she turned her head a little bit so she could face him.

''Good morning.'' She smiled as she kissed him on the tip of his nose and he looked at the omelets she was making.

''Smells good.'' He said. She smiled as it were just like old times. Maybe his memory was really returning to him. Maybe this was the way it was going to be and that it really would be like before his accident.

''Could you make the table?'' She asked as her hands were full and he nodded, walked to the table. Then he looked at her a little lost.

''Just put down two mats, two plates, cutlery and two glasses.'' She said absent as she turned the omelets and he walked to the cabinet, got two of the mats and looked as she took the frying pan of the furnace and was ready to lay them down on the plates...except there were no.

''Jay...plates?'' She said as the pan was really hot and burning in her hand and he looked confused.

''Plates!'' She said worried as the pan was really hot and she walked back, put it back down on the furnace and grabbed two plates herself, putting them down on the table a little upset while Jay looked at her.

''What?'' He asked then, confused like he had missed out on the last ten seconds and she looked at him, mad.

''I...you should...my hand...'' She stammered as she didn't know what to tell him. She was mad the plates had not been there and she hurt his hand but she knew he was not blame. She shouldn't have told him the table bit by bit. Although she dreamed about things becoming as it ever was. But she knew it would never be the same again.

Suddenly she felt something cold against her hand and when she looked down Jay held a wet cloth against her hand, worried.

''I am so sorry I didn't put the plates down. I...blacked out.'' He said as he looked at her, guilty and he was upset he had hurt her.

''It's not your fault. It's okay.'' She said as she looked at her hand and it didn't hurt so bad anymore. He felt really really guilty though as he felt it was his fault because he had messed up.

They had breakfast in silence and suddenly his hand started to shake and he suddenly left the table. Erin jumped up and walked after him and found him sitting on the edge of the bed, his face hidden in his hands and his shoulder shaking. She sat down next to him and laid her arm around him.

''It's okay...nothing bad. I am sorry I confused you.''

''I didn't want to hurt you. ''

''You didn't.'' Erin comforted him and she felt bad he felt this way. It was not his fault. Maybe she wanted to get back with the old Jay so bad that she was forgetting he was not the old Jay anymore.

Slowly they got ready for work and Erin got them some coffee.

''Coffee?'' She asked and he nodded, still upset.

The coffee did miracles though, he seemed to feel a little better. He did some chores till lunch and walked to the small bistro they had gotten this morning for lunch and another coffee.

Mina Halstead parked the car and looked at the station as she wanted to talk to Jay. She needed to ask him if he would speak in court...it would make it a lot easier. She wanted to get out of the car when she suddenly saw him walking into the station, holding Lindsay's - or Erin's ...she forgot again which one was her first name - hand, both holding a large cup of coffee. Erin took the lid off for him and Jay drank a little of the coffee, the foam of the cappuccino stuck on his upper lip and he tried to kiss Erin, whom pushed him away, laughing and quick he wiped the foam mustache away, kissing her now before they went inside, both laughing.

Mina looked at the wheel of her car. Jay seemed so happy...cheerful. He seemed like the young boy again that she knew. Was she destroying his happiness with this case instead of trying to help him?

Jay handed the file to Platt a few minutes after lunch.

''Wipe that cheesy grin of your face, Halstead.'' Platt smirked as she took the file but Jay kept walking with the cheerful grin on his face. She was teasing him but actually it felt really good that he was so happy again. He was smiling, enjoying life again and that was good.

Erin suddenly passed the desk as well and she ran towards him and handed him another file, hoping they could try to let him take two things away at the same time and he kissed her on her forehead, smiling at her and she walked with him, holding his hand.

She finished the round with him as she still felt guilty about this morning and when they were done she sat down next to him in the kitchen, where nobody else was.

''I am sorry about what happened this morning. Next time, I won't confuse you.''

''But I want to help you and do the things I did before.'' He sighed.

''I know...it will return to you.'' She said as she held his hand and he nodded, sad. He felt so bad because he had hurt Erin and he knew it could happen more often. He didn't want to hurt her!

''What if it doesn't get back?'' He asked worried and Erin caressed his hand again.

''Then...we will figure it out. Jay, you are more than the brain damage, you are my Jay.'' She said and she gave him a smile and he smiled back before they leaned forward and kissed each other before getting back to work again.

The door to Voight's office opened and the sergeant stepped inside, looking at Voight.

''Voight.''

''Sergeant, can I help you?''

The sergeant nodded and sat down, looked at Voight.

''I am glad to see Halstead is back and he is feeling well enough to be here...but what does he do?''

''He is here because he needs to be here. This is where he belongs.'' Voight shrugged. He had been afraid that he would get questions about Jay being here.

''Well...I hope you understand this is a police station...not a charity.''

Later that night, Antonio was doing the dishes. Today they hadn't dared to speak about the lawsuit they were facing but they knew they had to think about it soon. But neither of the people in the unit wanted it. All they wanted was to keep it hidden from Jay.

The doorbell rang and he walked to the door. Wondering who would still be here so late at night he saw the woman standing there.

Antonio opened the door, frowning when he saw Jay's mom on his doorstep. Confused he let her in and he followed him to the kitchen. he wondered what she was doing here and for a second he doubted if he should call Erin but he also knew that it would upset Jay if he heard about the lawsuit after all, so he decided not to call so instead he looked at his mother, awaiting for what she had to tell.

''I am sorry for all the misery I caused to you and the whole unit.'' She said then. ''I am dropping the charges. Today when I saw so happy at the station, I know I was only spreading misery...''

_One neighborhood closer downtown Erin laid against Jay. His left arm was around her while his other hand caressed through her hair and they watched a movie. She looked up at him as he was watching the movie and smiled as he seemed to enjoy it. Suddenly he looked back at her and kissed her._

''...I know I was wrong for suing you. I just hoped that I could help Jay that way and we could get closer again. He is my son Antonio, he is all I have.'' His mother sighed in Antonio's kitchen. Antonio nodded. He would do everything for Diego too, but not destroying his happiness and he was glad that Jay's mom saw that she had been wrong.

_Erin and Jay stood up from the couch and hand in hand they walked to her bedroom, closing the door._

''I am going back to Missouri...but I will always be here for Jay. I just think it's better if he stays with you.'' His mother explained, miserable. Her son was all she had and while she had tried to get some money so she could afford good care for him, he had made the people that cared about him more than miserable. She knew what she was doing but she hadn't realized she only made it worse for Jay.

As Antonio was quiet, not knowing what to do she left his kitchen and walked out.

_Jay laid with his arm around Erin, smiled at her as he kissed her again. She was all he needed. He wanted to remember her and he never wanted to hurt her again. He felt so guilty about this morning. But they would figure it out...hopefully._

* * *

NOTE: Jay's mother is out of town and is not going to rip him away from Erin...but...Voight is going to play a role in this story too and today we caught a glimpse of it. Jay's happiness is not out of the woods yet! What will the sergeant to about his job? Can he and Erin also overcome the issues he still has with his brain damage?

I hope you liked this chapter and again thank you much for the reviews I have gotten on the story. I wish I could answer you all but my PC has no internet, so I have to update on my phone and PM is a bitch to my phone. But your reviews are really more than appreciated and keep me motivated to update soon!

Thank you so much for reading this chapter and please do tell me what you thought about this chapter!


	13. Chapter 13

After the straining therapy session Jay got under the shower the nurse had brought him too before his talk with the doctor and he thought about all the things he had to tell his doctor while the water ran down from his head.

He knew he had to tell the doctor about his blackout. He couldn't afford having more of them and really hurting Erin, he never wanted to hurt her and he still felt guilty about it although she didn't talk about it. He had seen the blister on her hand, he knew she was hurt and it killed him on the inside.

Slowly he made his way to the office and sat down.

''How are you Jay?'' The doctor asked friendly. He had a short conversation with dr. Daniels every time he visited the hospital as the doctor seemed really concerned about him.

''Physically...good. Mentally..a mess.'''He admitted then and Daniels frowned.

''Isn't it going well between you and Erin Lindsay?'' He asked concerned as he hoped the two would find each other again as it was tragic that they were ripped apart because of brain damage. Usually he didn't get really close to his patients but Jay had really grown in his heart. The young man was so nice and caring and he was so strong even with all the setbacks.

'''We are good...but I hurt her because I suddenly blacked out.'' He said then and Daniels frowned.

''How did you black out?''

''Well she asked me to do something but I forgot what I had to do. I just...It was like I just couldn't think for a few seconds.''

Dr. Daniels nodded concerned.

''I...know a doctor in Milwaukee who is specialised in brain damage and memory recovery. I could try to contact him, Jay. Maybe he can do something for you. I thought we could help you here, but apparently it's not enough what we can do for you here.'' Daniels sighed, hoping he could help the young man.

Just like there was consultation in the hospital there was consultation in the intelligence unit.

''So if I am right, the sergeant lost his mind and he wants to have Jay gone out of the unit because he is of no use. He doesn't understand this is where Jay belongs even if he can't do detective work? He got hurt on this job, he deserves to be here!'' Ruzek said mad and Voight nodded. Voight was so mad that they even thought they had the right to kick Jay out now he was doing right. Sure, he was not doing useful work as the sergeant saw but he was being useful, to himself, to his recovery and he also brought a smile on everyone's face.

''They can't kick him out.'' Antonio said mad.

''They won't! I am not going to let them!'' Voight said determined. Jay had suffered enough already and working in the unit made him remember things sometime and made him recover. It would break him if he had to leave. They couldn't let him go like that especially not with the fact that he got hurt on the job!

''First the lawsuit, now this. People just...ugh.'' Erin said and Antonio nodded. They got back to work, sure they would figure it out for Jay and as Antonio went to get coffee Lindsay walked after him.

''Antonio...I am going out with a friend tonight...I was wondering if you -''

''I'd love to spend the night with Jay. We could watch the Blackhawk match.'' Antonio smiled.

''You don't have to watch the match if you want to spend the night with Laura.''

''Kidding me!? I want to see that match! Like I said, I'd love to.'' Antonio said friendly and he meant it. He would spend the night with Laura tomorrow but tonight it would be guys night.

Jay waited outside of the hospital after the long day of therapy. First there had been physical therapy, then there had been the talk with dr. Daniels. It made him feel better he might do to a doctor that could help him and it meant everything to him dr. Daniels was really sticking neck out for him. After that there had been occupational therapy. He had talked about the limits in helping at home and the therapist was happy he tried to help Erin as much as possible and he had given him some tricks to remember more.

Erin came walking towards him. He walked her way and hugged her, kissed her.

''How was your day?'' He asked as they walked to the car and she smiled.

''It was okay, just the usual. How did therapy go.''

''It was okay, too. Just the usual.'' He said teasing and they got in the car. He wasn't sure if he should tell her about the doctor in Milwaukee, afraid he wouldn't be able to help him and it would be a disappointment for her too. He knew she loved matter what but he also know everything had changed so much. He loved and he tried to do everything for her he could but he also knew things were every different than they were before. He wanted to be the guy he had been to here before instead of her looking after him and he wanted to achieve that again.

Jay was waiting for Erin when they got home as she got changed as she was going out for dinner tonight with a friend, which she had gotten for her birthday two months ago but after Jay's accident she had been low on social level.

''You look really pretty.'' He said as she was ready to leave and wearing her prettiest dress. She kissed him and listened to the song on the radio as she danced a little with him. He danced awkward as he could hardly run and just walk so dancing was a task, but she smiled and enjoyed it.

_So give me hope in the _  
_darkness that I will see the light._  
_because oh they gave me such a fright._  
_But I will hold as long as you like._  
_Just promise me we'll be alright._

Slowly they danced around on the folky, beautiful song and he smiled as he kissed her again. The lyrics said exactly what she meant to him.

Then the doorbell rang and she opened, Antonio entered carrying beer.

''I am not drinking.'' Jay said as Anotnio had promised to come ofter to walk the blackhawk game but he shrugged.

''I do, Laura is coming to pick me up.''

Erin's friend called her she was waiting downstairs and Erin left, kissing Jay and and Jay and Antonio got installed on the couch for the match.

''Don't you feel bad you have to be here all night?'' Jay asked as he handed Antonio a beer and Antonio shook his head.

'''No, not at all. Why would I?''

''Well...you are basically my babysitter.'' Jay said as he sat down next to Antonio on the couch and looked as the match was almost starting. He knew Antonio was here because Erin was out and they were afraid things would go wrong if he would be alone.

''Kidding me, we are just two friends watching the Blackhawks match.'' Antonio said as he took a sip of his beer.

''I know I am dangerous.'' Jay said then sad as what had had happened the day before was still haunting through his mind. Erin kept saying that she was fine and that it was nothing, but he had seen the blister on her hand and he knew she had been burned.

''What is it, you look really sad?'' Antonio asked worried as he looked at Jay and Jay shrugged.

''Yesterday morning Erin made omelets for breakfast and I said I would make the table and I blacked out, messed up. Erin was holding the hot frying pan but I didn't put down any plates so she couldn't put them on the plates and the handle was really hot. She burned her hand. It was my fault.'' He explained.

Antonio nodded. TO be honest he was here because he didn't like the idea of Jay being alone because there were a lot of things the man could not do but they didn't want to tell him because they didn't want to belittle him and wanted to make him feel like he still was the man he was before he was short because they knew that inside, he still was that man and they needed to treat him like that.

''I...uhm...told my doctor today and he is going to put me in contact with a doctor that is really great with brain damage and memory issues. I hope he can help me. I don't want to hurt Erin again.'' Jay said as and Antonio laid his hand Jay's shoulder.

''It's not your fault but I hope the doctor can help you so you and Erin can return like it was.''

Jay nodded with a sad smile and Antonio suddenly got an idea.

''You know what. I can show you how to make an omolet so you can surprise Erin with breakfast tomorrow.''

Jay nodded enthusiastic and he followed Antonio to the kitchen. A little later they sat down in the living room again enjoying their omelets and Jay hoped he could remember how to do it tomorrow so he could make one for Erin. Maybe surprise her with a complete breakfast in bed.

Hopefully the doctor could help him.

Hopefully Erin and he could be together like before again and he would never hurt again.

* * *

NOTE: Will the doctor be able to help Jay regain his old memory and will his brain damage better? Do you think Jay is being overly worried about something that meant nothing to Erin? But are the secrets they are keeping for each other also pulling them apart? Can the unit keep him there as the mean sergeant is trying to get him out? Will Jay also surprise her with the breakfast as the cute guy he is?

The song doesn't belong to me obviously, it's Ghost that we knew by Mumford and Sons. If you don't know the song, I recommend you look it up because it is a beautiful song that would fit their dancing and its also the song that oddly enough give me a lot of inspiration for this story.

I hope this chapter didn't let you down because i feel its of a lower level than the previous ones, somehow, but I don't know how to fix it. Thank you for reaidng and please leave a me a review and keep me writing! :)


	14. Chapter 14

Antonio woke up as his phone was ringing and Laura woke up beside him. She looked at him with a frown, who was calling them awake so early on saturday morning and Antonio took the call, walked to the living room.

''What is wrong Jay?'' Antonio said as he rubbed through his eyes and he heard a sniff.

''I tried to make an omelet for Erin but I forgot how to do it.'' Jay said sad and Antonio was worried something had gone really wrong.

''What happened?'' He asked worried.''Are you hurt?''

''No, but can you tell me how to do it by phone again?'' Jay asked and Antonio sat down, talking Jay through it step for step. Jay looked at the cheese filled omelet on the plate and smiled proud. He walked to the fridge and got the orange juice, filled a glass and put it on the plate as well. A few moments later he entered her bedroom proud and she opened her eyes as she opened her eyes.

''I made you breakfast.'' He smiled and she sat up, took the tray and smiled at him.

''That's so sweet.'' She said as he sat down on the edge of the bed and handed the tray and she kissed him on his cheek. The omelet seemed delicious and she took a bite as he slid next to her in bed and laid his arm around her.

''Hmm...this is really great.''

Jay was happy he did well and that he finally could do something good for her. She enjoyed breakfast, giving him a piece as well and he laughed as it dropped from his chin and she started to laugh.

''I am not good at it, really.''

''No...but thats okay, you are still lovely and amazing.'' He said as he got the piece of egg from his chest and ate it.

''You are the loveliest.'' She said as she really appreciated the breakfast, it was so sweet of him.

''Well you are the loveliestest.'' He laughed and slowly they got out of bed. She undressed herself as they walked the bathroom, kissing and stepped under the shower together, still kissing. Right before stepping in he got his underwear off as well and soaped her in as the water was slowly getting warmer.

''We should have waited...the water is not warm yet.'' She smiled as she kissed him and laughing he wrapped his arms around her.

''But I have body heat.''

''True that.'' She said as she laid her head against his chest.

''You can wash your hair first.'' She said as he was in the way of the water and he looked at the bottles of shampoo and conditioner. He grabbed one out and she frowned.

''That's conditioner.''

''My hair needs that.'' He said confused as it seemed he was doing something wrong but then she pointed at another bottle.

''First shampoo...then the conditioner.'' She explained friendly but he seemed to get angry and got out of the shower.

''Jay?''

Worried she put the water off and grabbed a towel, walking after him.

''Jay?''

Worried she looked in the kitchen and living room and neither was he in the bedroom they had shared tonight. Then she found him, sitting on the bedside of the spare bed, staring in front of him and biting his nails.

''What is the problem?'' She asked worried.

''I...I feel so stupid.'' he said, miserable.

''You are not stupid.'' She said worried as he laid her arm around him but he pushed her away as he stood up mad and hit his hand against the wall.

''I can't even remember which bottle of shampoo I need to use first.''

''And it doesn't matter. It will come back Jay. Please, don't get mad at yourself.'' She said worried and tried to hug him. At first it seemed he wanted to rip himself loose from his arms but then he stopped and laid his head on hers.

''I am sorry I am asking so much from you.'' He said, finally calming down and she pressed herself tighter against him.

''You are never asking for too much, Jay. Never.'' She said as she looked up and kissed him again.

Then suddenly the doorbell rang and Erin got her bathrobe and walked to the door.

''Laura...Antonio?'' She said surprised.

''Just here to drop something off.'' Antoni said and she laughed.

''Well we heard we had your chef for breakfast...so we are here to bring you lunch.'' Laura's voice sounded and Antonio laughed.

''Jay arranged it. Laura never should have told Jay she has a bakery because you both will be turkey's next thanksgiving.'' Antonio laughed.

Antonio winked at Jay, whom just came walking around to corner in his sweatpants and Jay nodded gratefully.

The Dawson's left again after putting a big plate with sandwiches and small caked on the kitchen counter and Erin hugged him.

''Aren't you the sweetest man a woman can wish.'' She kissed him with a smile and he lifted her up, but couldn't carry her and put her back...more therapy before that...and he wanted to take her to the shower.

''You know what, forget about that shower, I mean, strawberry cake.'' She smiled looking at the large plate from L. Dawson's bakery and they had lunch.

''Dinner's on me.'' She laughed with her mouth full.

Laura and Antonio were laughing in the car.

''I am not sure who was more surprised, Jay or Erin.''

''But Jay ordered you said.'' Laura said confused and he laughed.

''I did. I just wanted to help Jay as he felt so guilty about something that had happened between them and he didn't know how to make it up. He didn't have to make it up but hopefully she will pamper him so much the rest of the day he will forget about it.'' Antonio smiled and Lauren nodded and smiled.

''That's so sweet of you.'' She laughed.

''No, you are sweet.'' He said as he kissed her.

Later that night Jay and Erin crossed the park in front of her house to the small cafe in the corner.

They walked inside together and Erin got their coats as they moved to the table.

''You can get that beanie off inside.'' She said as she held his hand and he moved his hand over the beanie on his head but shook his head then.

''I am...it's...uhm...the scar.'' He mumbled and she nodded understanding. At the statin he didn't seem to mind but as it was the first time they really went out together she figured he wouldn't get it off.

''It's not that I feel...but...''

''It's okay.'' She smiled and caressed over his hand. Then he suddenly pulled the knitted beanie off and smiled at her.

''I guess it's okay...and ugly. But okay too.''

''It's not ugly. It's...a sign that you are strong.'' She said as her hand caressed through his short hair and felt the really rough skin and the red line in his neck. He was wrong, Erin knew it was not ugly. It was the sign he was strong because he was still with her. Even with the bullet in his head, he had stayed with her and when the doctors said he wouldn't be able to make it, he did.

''Would you like the menu?''

''Yeah.'' Jay smiled at the waitress and Erin pulled her hand back.

They ordered their food and enjoyed the food.

''Not as good as yours.'' He said, cute and she laughed.

''Absolutely.'' She laughed back and they laughed as his hand held hers again and he looked through the small café they were having dinner, it was cozy and most of the light came from a few tiny candles.

''I remind this place.''

''It's our coffee place.'' Lindsay said as she reminded all of the nights they went here to get coffee after dinner. It was not to far from her apartment.

''Well...I guess we should finish the night with coffee then.''

''And we should finish with a walk through the park.'' She smiled as they got up and walked out of the coffee, carrying their coffee and they were almost done with their round as they tossed the empty cups away and she held his arm.

''It's kinda cold.'' Jay stated and she took his hands, warming them as they walked through the small park.

''I think...we walked here before.'' He said then, looking around and Erin nodded.

''We did... we used to get coffee there at the café we just ate...and then the walked a round to the park. We did it almost two times a week.'' She smiled as she stilled rubbed over his hand. He pulled his hands loose from her and kissed her. She smiled as their lips seperated again and suddenly his eyes rolled away and he fell in her arms, shaking and worried she laid him on the ground.

''Jay?'' She asked worried as she smacked him against his cheek, when he suddenly started to shake violently and she grabbed her phone.

''I need an ambulance in Douglas park, right now!'' She said desperately as she tried to hold him.

''Jay...'' She cried as she held him in his arms, waiting for the siren to come and help them.

* * *

NOTE: A day that started so good ended so bad...what is happening to Jay? Will help come in time or will Erin lose him after all? Could the seizure have anything to do with him regaining his memory? Will this set him back so much he will lose his spot in the intelligence unit completely now?

So who wins the price of the sweetest man for today? Jay with his breakfast or Antonio with the lunch?

I hope you liked this chapter that was mostly just a nice saturday for the two lovers...except for the end. Thank you so much reading and please do leave a review before going and keep me writing!


	15. Chapter 15

As Jay's body finally weakened she laid him on his side in the recovery position, holding him, worried. She looked relieved as the paramedics arrived and kneeled down.

''What happened?'' The woman asked worried as she looked at Jay.

''He had a seizure.''

The paramedics got him on the gurney and Jay moaned for a second and Erin took his hand, worried.

''Does he have any history with seizures?''

''No, but he suffered a traumatic brain injury two months ago.'' Erin said as she sat down next to him in the ambulance and the ambulance drove away She held his hands in the ambo as they drove to Lakeshore and his eyes slowly opened for a few seconds.

''Hey buddy, welcome back. Lay back and rest.'' The EMT said as she laid her hand on his arm and he closed his eyes again. She checked his vitals and nodded at Erin.

''He is going to be okay.'' She said friendly and Erin nodded. Hopefully he would...

In the hospital they took his gurney away and Erin sat down in the ER, remembering the memories of the night she had been waiting here almost the whole night, not knowing if he was going to be okay. It had been so fearful, those lonely hours and she got the same scared feeling in the ER again.

After less than a half hour a nurse came to get her and she walked after her and she brought him to Ja's room, where Jay was laying in bed. Sighing relieved as she knew he was going to be okay if he was already in a bed, recovering from the seizure.

''Dr. Daniels will be here in a few minutes.'' The doctor said and Erin was glad it would be his own doctor to help him. It was not that she didn't think he other doctors didn't know what they were doing but it was nice to have the man around Jay they both trusted and who know exactly what was going on.

''How are you feeling.'' She asked worried as she wiped his hair back and he looked up to her.

''Nausea...headache.'' He sighed and he closed his eyes again. She caressed over his hand and forehead and the door opened, dr. Daniels entering.

''Hey Jay, how are you feeling?'' The doctor asked worried.

''I am okay.'' Jay mumbled but Erin shook her head. ''He just said that he is nausea and has a headache.'' Erin said as she was afraid Jay didn't dare to be honest to bother the doctor but she didn't want him to be in pain and he gave her a small smile.

''I will take care of that. You had a seizure, Jay.'' The doctor told him and Jay looked worried.

''It's really common after head injuries, but since you hadn't had a seizure till now, I had hoped that you wouldn't get them.''

Jay bow his head as he squished Erin's hand and she tried to looked away as she felt tears burning in his eyes. From the doctor's words she could deduce that this seizure was not a one time thing.

''We will get you on anti-epilepsy medication and we hope that it will keep you from having these attacks, but I can't promise anything, Jay. I am really sorry.'' Dr. Daniels explained and Jay nodded, almost absent as the doctor left the room.

Erin kissed Jay on his cheek.

''I will be back tomorrow...sleep well. Try to rest.'' She said as she could see he was having a hard time staying awake and

The next morning Antonio and Ruzek visited him and Ruzek had a hard time walking and sat down with a hard moan.

''What is up with you?'' Jay frowned.

''Rookie here wanted to catch the bad guy. Slipped over ice.'' Antonio smirked and Ruzek looked embarrassed but triumphantly then.

''But I did catch him. I tackled him in my fall.'' Ruzek laughed and Jay laughed as well.

Ruzek explained more about the fall on the ice and the arrest and Jay enjoyed hearing about it, it took his mind of the situation he was in now and he was sad as Ruzek had to leave.

''Sorry, I promised Wendy to be back before lunch and it's far after lunch now.'' Ruzek said as he checked his watch.

''Well you can stay a little longer then.'' Antonio shrugged but Ruzek shook his head.

''Not a change, Wendy will come get me here if I won't be back soon.''

''It's okay, thank you for coming.'' Jay said and Ruzek left. He was already grateful Ruzek had stopped by. He hadn't expected any visitors as he would be out of here within a few hours but he was glad they still dropped by. Made waiting before he was cleared to easier.

''Thank you so much for the lunch yesterday.'' Jay thanked Antonio and Antonio nodded with smile.

''Glad I could help you. No problem at all.''

''Really, I can pay you back.'' Jay said but Antonio shook his head.

''Diego's team won the match so Laura had to make cake and lunch for them and I decided that you deserved some as well.''

''What sport does Diego play?''

''Soccer, he made the winning goal.'' Antonio said proud.

''Wow! Next time he plays, I will come cheering for his team.'' Jay promised and Antonio nodded and Erin entered as it was time for Jay to leave the hospital and she helped him get dressed and they walked out after another conversation with dr. Daniels, whom had explained them about the medication and the seizures.

''What is wrong?'' She asked worried as he seemed so miserable in the car.

''I...uhm...think I will never become a detective again even after I regain my memory now I have the seizures. It just hit me.'' He admitted and Erin looked at him, sad. He was probably right if the medication did not stop the seizures from happening.

''It will all be alright.'' She promised him.

They went back inside their home and although it was dinner time Jay could hardly eat. Erin saw he was struggling and she made sure he didn't want anything, afraid he wouldn't eat enough but she guessed he was still a little shaken up from the seizure and the hospital.

They watched their favourite Disney movie again before going to bed. The movie made him feel a lot better, it cheered him up and Erin kissed him and laid on top of his chest.

He put his arms around Erin and kissed her again on her forehead as they snuggled up, both exhausted and they fell asleep.

''Goodnight.''

''Goodnight.''

Jay woke up as Erin opened the door to the bedroom the next morning and entered with breakfast.

''What did I do to deserve this?'' He smiled as he took the tray, his head feeling a lot better than yesterday and he looked at the tray, smiling happily. He was so glad he felt much better and he was home again with Erin. He ate breakfast and she went to get her own tray but kept looking at him from the kitchen and he frowned.

''Something wrong?''

''No, not at all.'' She said and looked back at her own plate and he continued eating. He knew she was more worried now because of the seizures, but he was not going to have one eating breakfast, come on!

''I...the medication stops me from having seizures...so you can stop looking at me like I will start convulsing any second.'' He said then as he didn't like to see Erin that worried. She walked back into the bedroom and saw down on the bed next to him.

''I know...but I can't help but worry about you.'' She admitted.

''I am okay.'' He said as he finished breakfast and stole a piece of strawberry from her bowl of fruit with a smile.

She laughed and nodded.

''If you say so.''

But deep down inside it was not so easy to let go of her worries. She didn't dare to leave him alone anymore, afraid he would have a seizure when she was not there and that he would end up hurt. She would never forgive herself if he would get hurt during a seizure and she hadn't been there to help him.

''You know what I would love to do.'' He said then as he laid his arm around her. He had been thinking about this the night in the hospital.

''Tell me.'' She said curious and Jay turned so he laid on his side and kissed her on her cheek.

''I want to go on a holiday in Missouri with you in a luxury hotel like I saw on television and so we can visit my mom.'' He said as he thought about the fact he was sad she had left him here without saying goodbye. But he hoped he would get to see her.

''My mom and you got along pretty well, right?'' He smiled with a honest smile, as he didn't know any better.

* * *

NOTE: Uh oh, what is Erin going to answer? Will Erin tell him the truth about his mother? Because Jay is completely ignorant about what his mom has done to unit and to him as they never told him. Will he get more seizures and will the seizures give the sergeant another reason to kick Jay out of the unit? Will Erin be able to stop worrying about him one day?

I hope you did like this chapter and poor Jay...I just can't make the misery stop for him...I mean...the story would get boring, right? But good news too:

Today I also started working on a new storyline within this story...all I can say for now is that it has something to do with his dad. I hope you will like that new storyline when it starts in a few chapters! I promise, the story is going to make a whole lot change for Jay.

Thank you so much reading this chapter and please don't forget to leave a review before leaving. Don't hesitate to tell me what you think is wrong with the story and things you would like the see!


	16. Chapter 16

**ONE WEEK LATER, SUNDAY. **

* * *

Jay rolled over, bumping into Erin and he kissed her in her neck as she was already awake. She smiled and turned his way, kissing him too and he started to look around.

''What are you looking for?'' She asked worried.

''Breakfast...you were awake before me...so...'' He said with a teasing smile as he kissed her again.

''Are you expecting me to make breakfast for you every morning?'' She huffed with a smile and he shrugged. ''We could also have breakfast in the cafe and get coffee...and take a walk through the park.'' He proposed and she nodded.

A little later they walked through the park, hand in hand and Jay laughed as she told him about the april fool's joke the unit had pulled on Platt.

''So Platt got a bunch of roses delivered to her?'' Jay laughed and Erin nodded.

''Yeah, the card was with hearts but also was in Spanish, so she asked Antonio after hesitating for a long time and then it turned out it said 'Check the date' and she checked the calendar...well Ruzek almost peed his pants, you should have seen her face.''

Jay almost choked on his coffee as he started to laugh. He wished he had been there last Tuesday but he had been in the hospital with the doctor from Milwaukee...but he still had to ask Erin.

''Erin...?'' He asked slowly as he took her hand again as they threw the cups away.

''Tuesday when I was in the hospital I did not have physical therapy. I had a conversation with a doctor from Milwaukee and I talked on the phone with him sunday when you were not in the hospital yet and he told me to go to Missouri and ask my mom for old pictures, hoping it would help me regain my memory. He is really helping me, Erin!'' He said as he stopped walking and laid his hands on her shoulders.

''Why didn't you tell me? It's good news right?'' She said upset as he had not told her about the doctor.

''I...was afraid I would regain no memories and it would disappoint you.''

''You never disappoint me, well, you do by just hiding important information from me.''

''But I have a feeling you are hiding something for me about my mom, because you still haven't said anything about the trip to Missouri.'' He said upset and Erin shook her head.

''There is nothing.'' She lied and they walked back home.

''Are we going to watch a movie tonight?'' Jay asked as he had seen a DVD on Erin's dvd shelf he really wanted to see but she seemed to doubt for a second.

''What is it?''

''I have an important dinner tonight from the academy.''

''Why am I not invited?'' He asked hurt as he had been in the academy as well.

''It's something from my year, Jay. You were not in my year at the academy.''

''I could be your date.'' He offered. ''I mean, I am your boyfriend after all.''

''Yeah but it's without partners. But I am not going, I am not leaving you alone.'' She smiled then as she had decided.

''No, you should go. Don't stay here because of me please.'' He said but she shook her head.

''No, Jay it's okay.''

''I am not a baby.'' He said a little upset. course he could manage on his own for a few hours.

''But the sei-''

''Erin, do you want to stay every second of every day with me, afraid I will have a seizure?'' He asked worried and she shook her head.

''No...but...I am worried about you.'' She said and he nodded, mad. Before she could say something else he walked away, to the spare bedroom and he closed the door, angry.

Down at the station, somebody was even more angry. He had been called down there on his free sunday by the sergeant. Hank Voight was not pleased at all.

He walked to the sergeant and burst into the office.

''Ah, Hank, sit down.''

''Is this about Halstead?'' Voight said as he crossed his arms and the sergeant nodded slowly, looking up from his papers.

''Halstead is not going out of the unit. It is all he has and he likes doing little chores. He is getting better every week.''

''He is having seizures!''

Voight just shook his head. ''That boy belongs in this unit and he is not going anywhere even if I have to pay for him myself if he is too expensive for you!''

Back at Erin's house she got ready for dinner, knowing Jay was probably right and she should give him some freedom.

''Jay, I am going. I will be back before twelve.'' She said softly as she knocked on the door and as there was no response she guessed he had gone to sleep. ''Make sure you eat something later, if you can hear me.'' She said after that as she slowly walked away, not wanting to upset him even more.

As the front door closed Jay left the room and walked to the fridge, finishing the pack of milk in a bowl and he threw some cereal in, not in the mood to put any more effort into making his food and leaning against she counter he ate it.

Drowsy he walked to the couch then and fell asleep, only to wake up a little later and before he could reach the bathroom he threw up. Disgusted he pulled the t-shirt over his head and walked to the laundry room and saw the full basked of laundry and he pushed it all in the machine.

Confused he looked at the basked of soap but he threw the amount in he guessed was okay and sighed relieved when the machine was running and he walked back to the living room, curling up on the couch as his stomach was cramping and he closed his eyes, dozed off again.

''Jay?''

Erin woke him up an looked worried at the carton of milk in her hand.

''Did you drink this?''

He nodded and she sighed.

''It is almost four days past the expiring date! Are you okay?''

He stood up. ''I...uh threw up on my shirt...but I put it in the washer!'' He said proud and Erin walked to the the laundry room and gasped as she pulled the door open and a stream of water and soap streamed out, making the

''Damn it Jay!'' She said as she looked at the soap, now knowing where the start cleaning and she his her face in her hands. She didn't want to get mad at him as he had done it with the best intentions but it was not easy staying calm as this was maybe the reason she shouldn't have left him alone.

''I just wanted to help!'' He said and she looked at him as she searched for clothes in the mountain of soap, afraid they had come out as well.

''Sometimes it better if you don't help if you have no idea what you are doing.'' She said upset and Jay looked mad as he walked to the spare room.

Upset he walked to the room, falling down on the bed and trying not to think about his fight with Erin as he curled up, his stomach still unsteady and he slowly fell asleep.

Jay woke up confused and turned around, to find a post it right next to his pillow and he lifted it from his mattress and looked a tit as the light from the window hit the small paper and he looked at Erin's handwriting.

_'Good morning sleepyhead. If you feel better you can walk to the station. Breakfast is in the fridge. X Erin.'_

He got up and tried not to think about everything that had happened last night. Maybe Erin was right and he was not ready to stay on his own. But he wanted to! He wanted to prove her he would be okay.

In the kitchen he looked confused at all the notes hanging around and he walked to the fridge, kneeling to read the note.

_'Please close the fridge.' _

It was Erin's handwriting but had she parted all these notes around to make him remember things? So it would be easier for him?

He opened the fridge door and there also was a post it on the shelf with dairy products, telling him to the check the date with a heart drawn after it and he smiled as he took the milk and the sandwich she had left for him. He checked the date now because of the post-it. The milk was good this time and he had breakfast. He cleaned his plate with the instructions of Erin by the sink and he got dressed, opening his drawer and finding another one that said the days with stashes of clothes and a list that told him how to get dressed and he smiled. It made him feel warm inside Erin had made this effort.

He got dressed and was ready to walk to the station and when he opened the front door Erin came walking down the hallway.

''I missed that memo that you came to get me.''

''Oh, I just came to check on you.'' She smiled and she started to blush.

''I am so sorry about yesterday.'' He said but she shook her head.

''No, I am sorry.'' She said as she hugged him and looked at him again.

''Not mad about the memo's?''

''No, they are really helpful.'' He smiled and she handed him another memo.

''I forgot to hang up the most important one.'' She said as he looked at the memo in his hands.

'_Don't forget how much Erin loves you. x_'

He smiled as he pasted it on her forehead and kissed her.

''I would never forget that.''

* * *

NOTE: They made up and Erin solved a problem for Jay, but not all problems are out of the way! Erin is still trying to get Missouri of the list and the sergeant is still trying to get Jay of the list. Also, maybe he it's easier to be around the house now and do things but does it make Erin's worries about his seizures any less?

I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you liked the idea with the memo's. It was not my idea but somebody's elses and I thought it was a great idea. Credit is given where credit is due...thank you so much Natalie!

Thank you for reading and please leave a review before you go! :)


	17. Chapter 17

I ''Thank you, Laura. You are a sweetheart.'' Emanuel Dawson told his daughter-in-law as he sat down by the table facing Antonio as he had promised to have lunch with his son. He took the cup of coffee Laura had just put down in front of him and they looked a sa whole family entered the shop and bought their bread. As it was very busy for a friday morning and Antonio had just returned from a morning in the station but they had lunch now. He had hoped Laura could sit down with him but she was too busy. Usually they had lunch together on Friday, sometimes with his dad too like now but he felt a bit of guilty as she was working hard while he was eating.

''How are things going in the district?'' His dad asked him and Antonio shrugged nervous.

''Ah, things are going well but we are running into some problems with the sergeant.''

''What is it?'' Emanuel asked worried and he looked at his son. ''Not Sergeant McRose right?''

Antonio nodded. ''Yes, him. He wants to have Jay gone from the unit because he is not doing the work he used to do. But he can't kick Jay out, right? I mean Jay even got hurt on the job. He can't kick him out because this is the only things that is keeping Jay cheerful and gives him the motivation for therapy.''

His father nodded understanding. ''That is the man who got shot in the head two month's ago, right?''

Antonio nodded and his dad stood up.

''What are you going to do?'' Antonio frowned as his dad suddenly got up and walked away.

''Don't worry, your old man will fix this.'' His father nodded at him and Antonio stayed behind baffled, looking at the half-finished sandwich his dad left behind.

Erin and Jay arrived at the cafe where they always had lunch and Jay sat down by their usual table in the corner as Erin went to get their coffee and lunch. He liked the table, it had a good view over the street and it was one of the things that slowly made him get used to things again. Habbits he was slowly starting to get again and even places that he started to mean things to him again.

''A cappuccino and a salat with feta cheese for you plus a sandwich with ham.''

''I am predictable, ain't I?'' He laughed as he took a sip of coffee and Erin nodded.

''Yup, you are starting to get boring again.'' She laughed and Jay laughed too as he started to eat his lunch.

''You know, my doctor called my mom that she should get all of my photo albums ready so I can take them back here after the trip. It could recall memories...and...'' He looked in the laptop bag next to him and took a paper out.

''I booked a hotel for this weekend. I know you are free because there is nothing on your calendar and now you don't have an excuse to not visit my mom again.''

''I was not making up excuses.'' Erin said surprised.

''Yes, you were.'' Jay sighed. ''I mean, I am brain damaged and I might not able to tell if I should use shampoo or conditioner first but there is nothing wrong with my judgement when people are lying or not.'' He said a little upset and she nodded.

''I guess it was something that happened in the hospital. It's okay but please let me go there for my recovery.''

''Ofcourse! And I am happy to go there with you.'' Erin smiled then as she took his hand and looked at the hotel. A Hilton hotel in st. Louis.

''Jay, why did you book a hotel this expensive?'' She asked worried.

''I didn't...my mom did...'' Jay admitted with a smile.

''View on the Busch stadium? Jay this is insane!''

''Maybe my mom really wants us to come to Missouri.'' Jay smiled as he finished lunch and she did so and they walked back to the station with another cup of coffee and Erin thought about his mother. Maybe she was trying to make it up. Antonio had said she had seemed really miserable when leaving and she hadn't even dared to say goodbye to Jay before leaving.

Besides, it was a holiday with him, which should be really great and if the picture albums gave him memories back she wanted to make the trip for it.

Back in the station the sergeant walked into Voights office.

''Jay can stay.'' He said shortly before walking out but Voight frowned. ''Why the sudden change of heart?''

''Nothing. Just make sure he is not walking in anybody's way.'' The sergeant said blunt and walked out of the office, passed Antonio, grumbled something and walked on.

Antonio smiled as he saw his dad walking away and he followed his dad.

''Dad, what did you do?''

''McRose is an old friend of mine from when I was still in the police force and I don't want him to make a friend of my son miserable. I told him so. Your old man still knows how to solve problems.'' Emanuel Dawson smiled and walked off and Antonio sighed relieved. Hopefully this would be the end of the sergeant trying to kick him out.

Erin got the news from voight and was so happy things were looking up for him. For them,actually because she felt good when he felt good. He was smiling as he brought files around - important ones this time - and helped them with small chores.

"Maybe he fled Chicago. " he said suddenly as they were talking a case and Antonio smiled as Jay was right. Antonio had just wanted to say it but he was happy Jay did as Jay was looking so happy now voight nodded.

And it was a happy smile, not the cocky smile he showed before sometimes. A lot had changed for Jay.

Later that afternoon he and Erin got in the car and he looked out of the window during the small drive home, enjoying the view of the city when he looked at the clock, worried.

"are we going to make it to Saint Louis in time? " he asked worried and Erin was surprised.

''So we are leaving to Missouri tonight, like for real?'' Erin smiled as they came home and Jay nodded, kissed her and realized they should get going if they wanted to reach the hotel before the night.

They grabbed their bags really quickly and got in Erin's car.

''Do you mind me going to sleep?'' He asked worried as he had a splitting headache after a day of work and she shook her head, realized he was tired and moments later he was sleeping beside her while she drove over the highway, calm. He was asleep until she stopped close to the border of Illinois and Missouri and they got out for dinner and a small break.

Jay kept looking at man that was staring at him.

''Just let it go.'' She sighed and he nodded, sad. He didn't like it when people were staring at his scar. He knew it stood out and that it was still very visible but he did not like people staring at it.

He ignored the man, having a hard time with it but they walked back to the car then and continued their way to Saint Louis and he dozed off again.

''Babe, we are here.'' She woke him up a few hours later and he woke up, confused and dazzed and walked after her into the hotel, carrying her bag as well as she was getting the key at the reception. They took the elevator to their rooms and Erin opened the door.

''Oh, wow.'' She said baffled as she looked through the modern, luxury room and Jay dropped their bags on the chair as they walked to the window, looking over the city.

''You must be sleepy.'' She said as she closed the curtains a few minutes later.

''Let's check the bed first.'' He smiled as he wrapped his arms around he and they walked to the bed.

''I do like that order.'' She smiled and he laughed.

''Sometimes I do make good orders, right?'' He smiled as he kissed her and she helped him undress.

"You do very often don't underestimate yourself. " she smiled as she kissed him but he was struggling again because he knew he was messing up a lot. But she carried on and undressed herself as she kissed him again and his hands caressed her body.

He didn't need a sticky note for this.

* * *

NOTE: They are in Missouri! Will Erin and his mom finally make up? Will the picture albums help him and how will the small weekend out be for Jay and Erin together? Can he overcome his bad self esteem? What do you think, should Erin make up with his mother? We are almost at the new story arc that is going to involve his father!

I hope you liked this chapter and I wonder if there are any things you want to see for their stay in Saint Louis in the next chapter beside the plot points that will be in here. To be honest I am not really familiar with the city.

Thank you so much for reading and please do leave a review before you leave with your opinion and what you thought and keep me writing!


	18. Chapter 18

''Hey mom.'' Jay hugged his mom tight and Erin looked over his shoulder as he did so. He seemed so happy to her and she was glad that they were in Missouri now and that he could see his mom again. It was good they never told him what his mom had done as he was so happy to see her now. Maybe she had been wrong but Jay was still her son and he needed his mother. Maybe they could start over and forgive each other. She was still very mad for what she had done to the unit and to Jay, but maybe it was a time to recover, all of them.

She let them inside and didn't look at Lindsay as she closed the door behind her. She didn't dare to look Lindsay in the eyes.

''What do you want to drink?'' She asked as they sat down in the living room, an awkward silence following.

''Coffee, please.'' Jay said then and Erin nodded as his mom walked away to the kitchen to get some coffee ready for the couple and Jay looked at the pictures hanging around. A few from the people who guessed were his grandparents and some of him. From when he graduated the academy and one from when he was very smile and Erin smiled endeared as she saw the picture of toddler Jay. His mom returned and put the cups of coffee down in front of them and pointed at the stash of books.

''These are all for you, I completed them as much as I could with the information I thought was left out...I hope you can find something in it, Jay.''

Ugh, it disgusted Erin how nice his mom was and she looked out of the window as Jay grabbed the first book and started to flip through the pages and looked at every picture.

''Erin, can you help me in the kitchen for a second?'' His mother asked then and suspicious Erin stood up as they walked to the kitchen.

''I really want to talk with you for a second. I know I have made a lot of mistakes and I feel terrible for making you and the unit so miserable and I can't thank you enough for never telling Jay about the terrible things I did. I just hope we can start again with a white blank page.''

''A grey page maybe.'' Erin said bluntly and his mom nodded.

''It's a start, but I really hope we can make up some day.''

Erin nodded, she was not ready for it now but maybe in some time, when everything would be back as it ever was.

''I am really, really sorry Erin. All I did I did for my son and maybe I have been selfish because he is all I have, but I realize he is happy with you and that means everything to me. I want to thank you for your loyalty and love to you, you are the reason he is smiling.'' She said, honest and Erin knew she meant it.

''A light grey page.'' Erin smiled as they walked back and looked as Jay was flipping through the books, she laughed together with him at his childhood pictures. He didn't seem to recall anything but seemed to enjoy looking at it.

''Who is that man?'' Jay asked as he pointed at the man holding him as a baby and his mom swallowed loud.

''That is your father.''

''Is he dead?'' Jay asked fearful and his mom shook her head.

''No, he left us when you were ten.'' She said as she closed her eyes, blocking the painful memories of when his father and the love of her life had met her.

''You should probably go.'' She said then as she almost started to cry and Jay and Erin got up, afraid they ha d made her upset and they left to the car. She understood why Jay had asked the question but she could understand the question might had ripped open some painful memories and even though she disliked the woman, she felt sorry her husband had left her like that.

''What...hapepend when I was shot?'' ay asked then as they walked back to the hotel, he had been wondering it for a long time but he had never dared to ask her.

''You mean when you were shot?'' She asked.

He nodded and Erin took a deep breath. She tried to remember everything she should tell him but she had tried to bury everything.

''You fell to the ground and you looked at me before you closed your eyes...and I kneeled down, afraid you were dead but I felt a pulse and I called an ambulance.'' She started to cry. ''You were bleeding and the wound...it was so...I can't.'' She said as she started to cry as she remembered the

It started to rain and they sighed as neither of them had an umbrella and Jay laid his arm around Erin as she was shivering, remembering the afternoon he was shot. The memories were burned into her soul and she tried not to think about the wound on the back of his head, how messy it had been and how sure she had been she was going to lose him.

They were soaked as they arrived at the hotel and Jay was standing there with clicking teeth as he had given his jacket to Erin when it had started to rain.

''You should get showered to get warm again.'' She said worried as she hugged him and hoped he would take a shower before he would get sick but he pulled loose.

''Jay, shower.''

Instead he shook his head and was afraid the books were soaked but they had stayed dry in the plastic bag. He put them down on the desk.

''Jay, you are cold, you have to shower.'' Erin insisted again and finally he did so, short before her and she was showering as he was still looking at the picture. He looked like the man. The man had the same brown hair and the freckles in his face and he hoped that if he could ever find the man he could find himself back as well...but he didn't even have a name.

''remembering?'' Erin asked as she walked up behind him, coming out of the shower.

''I want to remember, I really want to.'' Jay said as tears filled his eyes and he flipped through the pages. Erin laid her arms around him as she kissed him in his neck and laid her chin on his shoulder as she looked at the pictures.

''You were adorable.'' She said as she pointed at the picture of him sitting by a lake, a paper boat floating on the wather and she laughed as she saw his cute, pink, chubby cheeks and brown curls.

''I wish I could remember.'' He sighed then as he caressed the fingers of the picture and Erin sighed as he was standing next to his father. ''I wish I could remember him.''

Her fingers caressed his neck and he stood up as he looked at her, tears in his eyes and she cupped his chin in her hands, kissing him, once, twice. She wanted comfort him and be here for him, she wanted him to get happy again and she wanted him to remember again.

He gave her a sad smile as she kissed him again.

''Just, it will come, don't get upset because it may take a while.'' She nodded with a smile and he nodded back as he kissed her again and they laid down in bed. As she fell asleep in his arms he stared at the ceiling. He felt conflicted now he knew his father was still around and he wanted to meet the mean, maybe the man could tell him who he was...not that was ridiculous, he left him when he was ten, dammit!

He turned around as the rain was still slamming against the window and Erin stirred in his arms, but she was already asleep.

It confused him he wouldn't have a lot of memories of his father even if he remembered.

He wanted to find his father.

* * *

NOTE: Boom bam pow here is the storyline! Will Jay be able to find his dad? Will Erin help him and will finding his dad will also help him to find out more about himself? I really hope you like the idea of this story line, It is going to another ride within this rollercoaster!

Thank you so much for reading and I really hope that you do like the idea for this new storyline and what you think about his mom now. Please tell me if you do by leaving a review and please tell me what you thought about this chapter overall! Again, thank you so much still reading the story!


	19. Chapter 19

''Jay, I got this file that they asked for in homicide.''

Jay looked up from his pc, his hand slowly leaving the keyboard as he looked at Antonio.

''Sorry, what?'' Jay asked confused as he had been so focused on his computer he hadn't even heard what he had said and Antonio pointed at the file. ''Can you bring this to homicide?''

''No, I can't.'' Jay said as he looked back at his pc.

''Uhm...okay? Are you okay?'' Antonio asked, worried something might be wrong as he was usually happy to bring a file away.

''Well, what are you doing then?'' Antonio asked friendly because he was glad Jay had found something to do that really seemed to interest him but Antonio was wondering what it was.

But now he looked back at the screen and Antonio walked back to his own desk,wondering what Jay was doing what was important to him that he couldn't even tell Antonio what he was doing. He tried to look at the screen but he could see in the way Jay was looking at him, he didn't want Antonio to look at his screen and Antonio walked back to his own desk, puzzled.

Erin frowned but decided to let it pass as he was doing his work really well now. He stood up and wanted to talk to Antonio when he suddenly weakened and fell to the floor, Erin jumped in as he started to convulse and kneeled down, Antonio kneeling down as well.

''Can we help him?'' Antonio asked worried but Erin shook her head and sighed relieved when Jay stopped convulsing and laid still. Carefull she laid him in the recovery position, hoping he would wake up soon. Ruzek and Olinsky and Voight looked at their co-worker worried, but knew there was nothing they could do to help him so they gave him some space.

''Hey bud.'' Antonio smiled as Jay slowly opened his eyes again and they made sure he laid still for a few minutes before he got up and walked to the small kitchen with Antonio and Erin, the others just working like nothing had happened as they didn't want Jay to feel bad.

''I will get the car.'' Erin said as she kissed Jay on his cheek and Antonio stayed with him as Jay he still felt really bad.

''I...feel so ashamed.'' Jay said then and Antonio shook his head.

''Don't feel bad, just feel better.'' Antonio felt bad as Jay felt ashamed.

''Can you get the papers on the desk and my bag?'' Jay asked and Antonio nodded and Jay walked until he returned with the shoulder bag and Jay took it, gratefully.

''If you need any help with finding him.''

''I don't want that help.'' Jay said as Erin entered and she held his arm as they walked downstairs. It was time to o anyway as it was six Pm, but Jay still felt bad. He had wanted to keep working as he was doing so well.

They went home and Jay slumped down on the couch and Erin handed him some soup, but he could barely eat it before he fell asleep.

She decided to take a shower and when she was done after some time she walked back to the kitchen to get something to drink. She was surprised to find him sitting at the kitchen table and reading the papers.

''Jay, what are you doing?'' Erin asked as she really wanted to know and he looked up from the papers he was looking at. She guessed they had something to do with it as well and wanted to look but he pulled then away and threw them back in the bag beside him.

''Can you maybe...help me how I should take the bus. There is somebody I need to meet.'' Jay said and Erin frowned at him, mad.

''You know you can tell me everything.''

Jay nodded as he sat down on the kitchen chair and looked up at her.

''I kow...but this is something I got to do on my own.''

''Jay, there is nothing you have to do on your own. I will always be here for you and I don't want you to hide secrets from me, Jay.''

''How can I tell you a secret that is even a secret to me?'' Jay said as he looked at her. She took the papers from the bag and Jay jumped up, the chair falling over.

''Erin those are my papers, give them back!'' Jay said as he wanted to grab them from her hands. Instead she looked at the paper on top. A birth certificate. James 'Jay' Halstead. Born to Wilmina Halstead - Bridges and Jurgen Halstead.

She looked at him. ''Are you looking for your father?''

''Yes, but it is none of your business!'' He said as he pulled the papers from her hands and sat back at the kitchen table, looking back at the papers and ignoring her.

''Jay, I am sorry, I just want to help you. I am sure we can find your father.'' She said, afraid he was really upset again and she laid her hands on his shoulder's and he sighed.

'''This is something I want to do on my own. You help me with everything, but this is something I need to do Erin.'' He said then as he looked back at her and she nodded.

''But if you need any help, you tell me, right?''

He nodded and she kissed him on his head.

''It's kinda late, we should go to bed.'' He said then as he stood up laid his arm around her as they walked to the bedroom and got ready for bed. While she was sorting out his clothes for tomorrow he went to brush his teeth and she saw the sexy lace panties she had been saving for a special night with him and she took them out as he entered the room again.

''Bathroom is free.'' He said as he slid in bed.

''Okay...don't feel asleep yet.'' She winked as she walked in the bedroom and slipped in the white, lace underwear and looked in the mirror, brushing her hair and putting on some lipstick before walking back to the bedroom and she leaned against the door post, only to see Jay was already asleep. She smirked as she dressed in her pyjamas, not wanting to wake him up of course and she laid down next to him, her head on his chest as she dozed off and laid his arm around her.

He stirred for a moment but stayed asleep and she closed her eyes as well now.

_''Jay!''_

_She looked as he fell to the floor and she sprinted, ran his way and fell to her knees as she saw the blood coming from the back of his head._

_''Jay!'' She cried as she looked at him. ''You can't die, please!'' She cried as she felt his pulse, but found out he had none. Quick she started CPR, pressing his chest. She couldn't lose him, she couldn't! After thirty times she put her mouth on his as her hand caressed his head. Suddenly she pulled her hand back as she felt something warm and sticky...she looked at her hand, red from the blood and with little particles on it...when she realized it were his brains and she crawled away, seeing that the back of his head was completely blown away._

Screaming she woke up, bumping into Jay while the tears streamed down her cheeks. Screaming hysterically she tried to push him away and he laid his arms around her. ''Shh...it's okay...it was just a bad dream.''

She sobbed as she laid against his chest and realized it was stupid the dream had upset her so much again, he was here, right here with her. She laid her hand in his neck and kissed him.

''What is wrong?'' He asked worried and she tried to smile through her tears.

''It was just a bad dream.'' She said as she let go of the tension in her body and slowly laid down again.

''What was it about?'' He asked worried as he caressed her through her hair and she remembered the morning of the day he got shot, it had been exactly the same.

''I dreamed you died in the shooting...really stupid.'' She admitted and he got up, leaning over her as he kissed her.

''I am not going anywhere, I promise.'' He said as he looked at her and she nodded.

''I know, it was just a bad dream.''

''I love you.'' He said as he kissed her again.

''I love you too...sweet dreams now.''

* * *

NOTE: Jay is working his case like a detective again, but is his father still alive and will he be able to find him? Will he need the help of Erin or Antonio or will they keep helping him against his will?

I started a new House, MD story today and if you have watched the series (or maybe you didn't), it would mean a lot to me if you read it...it is also going to be an emotional rollercoaster! The story is called when Roads end and you can find it on my profile! I promise you, it is going to be really emotional.

Thank you so much for reading and please leave a review before you go! I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	20. Chapter 20

Jay sat in the city bus, nervous as he hadn't told Erin where he was going. She thought he was i the hospital now but he was actually on his way to a western suburb. Jurgen Halstead lived there...one of the many, but this address gave him a special feeling and he knew it was the right one, he was so sure. The adress seemed to familiar.

He looked out of the window...what was he going to say to his dad? There was so much he wanted to tell him! He wanted to tell him so many things! He wanted to tell about Erin, about his life at the police station and although the stories were not so interesting as it had been before the accident but he hoped his dad would listen to him and they could bond again, that he would have a father again.

He didn't need to forgive his father as he didn't remember that his dad left him. Well, he knew, but it was a good time to start over and he hoped his dad would think the same. He really hoped that they could make a bond again so he could talk with his father again. Slowly he got off the bus and walked to the right house from the map he had drawn and he felt a little proud as he stood in front of the door as he hadn't been able to follow a map yet.

He knocked on the door, nervous. What if is father would open the door? Would he hug him, say or wouldn't he even recognize Jay? No, he probably wouldn't as Jay had been a little kid when...

The door opened. A really old man stood in front of Jay.

''I don't buy things sold from door to door.'' He said, shaky voice and Jay stood there a little baffled...

''Are you Jurgen Halstead?'' He asked a little thrown off as he knew the man could have been his grandpa instead of his father and the man nodded.

''I am sorry...I think I have the wrong Jurgen Halstead...I am so sorry...I thought...I mean...my dad's name is called Jurgen Halstead and I am looking for him.''

''I have son, but he is sixty-two.'' The man sighed and Jay looked surprised. ''Is his name Jurgen too? Does he have a son?''

Oh, how coincidental would it be if he would be standing here with his grandpa!

''No...his name is Jacob...and he doesn't have children. Sorry, boy.'' The man said as he closed his door and Jay slumped down on the chair, sad. The door opened again above him and Jurgen walked outside with his cane, picking up the newspaper.

''Would you like something to drink? You seem really tired.'' He offered then friendly as he felt sorry the man hadn't found whom he was looking for but instead Jay shook his head.

''I don't want to bother you any longer.''

''You are wearing a CPD badge...and I have been in the police as well...I would love to hear how the CPD is doing.'' The old man sighed and Jay smiled friendly as he smiled and walked inside.

''I just made some tea.'' The man smiled as he walked in front of Jay to the kitchen.

''Thank you.'' Jay thanked him as the man give him tea a little later and sat down by the kitchen table.

''So...what unit do you work, boy?'' Mr. Halstead smiled friendly and Jay smiled, but the smile disappeared as he didn't know what to say.

''I used to work in intelligence but I got wounded on the job about two, three months and now I am just doing chores...but the unit is really great, they are trying to make me feel important.'' Jay said as he laid his hands around the mug and the man nodded. ''I am sure you are still a great use to the unit, you found me and while I am not the person you are looking for...I have the right name.'' The man said and Jay nodded.

''What unit did you work in?''

''I worked undercover for the biggest part...and the best part of my life.'' The man smiled, thinking back about all the nice memories he had of his job and he talked to Jay. It turned out he had even worked with Olinsky years ago, when Olinsky had just started undercover and Jay suddenly checked his watch.

''Mr. Halstead, I am so sorry but I have to go... my girlfriend is waiting for me...she is really worried me all the time.''

The man nodded understanding as Jay had told him about the brain injury and he walked to the door with Jay.

''If you are still looking for a grandpa besides your father...and next time take your girlfriend.'' Halstead said with a friendly smile and Jay nodded, thanked him and listened to the directions the man was giving him to the bus but when he started walking he forgot them again...right...or left...he couldn't remember the order and he started walking in the directions he thought the man het told him.

He was hungry as it almost dinner time and he searched his pockets, found a little change from the bus ticket and walked to the hot dog stall, buying one as he was starving so he could go ho-

How was he going to get home again? He had no money left for the bus ticket!

He told himself to calm and sit down and eat first, then think.

Jay looked as the sun went down as he sat down on the bench and ate the hotdog he just bought, but honestly he had no idea where he had to go. Sure, he could see the sears tower and he knew that Erin's apartment was further in that direction, but he had no idea how to get there. As he was finished eating he stood up again and walked down the street towards the sears tower. He tried to call Erin again but she did not take off her phone and he kept on walking. If only he could remember the address so he could ask somebody.

It was getting darker and darker and Jay rubbed over his arms as it started to get cold as well and he felt stupid for not taking a jacket.

He kept on walking, as fast as he could but realized it could take hours before he reached the sears tower and he wanted to get home, he wanted to be back with Erin and he felt stupid he hadn't told Erin where he was going. He kept walking and checked his watch, knew he was walking for almost two hours and he was exhausted so he sat down on the bench close to him. His hip started to hurt as it still did when he strained it since the fall and he checked his phone, finally giving in to calling Antonio was he was shivering and in pain. But then hs battery was empty and he put it back in his in his pocket, tucking his hands in his pocket as he started walking again and although his hip was killing him, walking kept him warmer than sitting down.

It was dark now and he kept walking, towards the lit Sears tower when he suddenly realized he might take a taxi to the park close to Erin and he felt stupid for not thinking about when he was suddenly pulled unto an alley, a hand pulled over his mouth and hands going over his pockets as he felt a fist in his face.

''Money, phone, everything!'' One of the man holding him said as Jay got another hit against the head.''Give it here if you don't want another punch in your face!''

* * *

NOTE: uh oh, they are mugging Jay! Can he get home safely? With his belongings? Do you think he is stupid for not telling Erin where he went? and he didn't find his father...

I hope you liked this chapter! Thank you so much for still following the story and please tell me what you thought about it by leaving a review!


	21. Chapter 21

Jay felt as his phone was taking from his hand and his wallet from his pocket and he fell backwards against the wall, in the dirty kicked back, manage to kick one against the knee and almost grab his phone, only to get another punch in the face. The muggers ran away and he tried to crawl up, but his head hurt to bad and his foot was stuck under the container and he sighed, tried to pull his foot lose but he was stuck and worried he started to call out to the people on the street. He held his back as the muggers hadn't taken it and pressed it against his chest, as it was the last things of worth he still had, as it contained all the papers about his father. He also made sure that his police badge was still there and he was glad it was.

Finally a girl saw him and ran up to him.

''Sir, sir? Are you okay? You are bleeding.'' She asked him worried.

Jay nodded slowly and she helped Jay up, getting his foot from under the container.

''Can I use your phone for a second?'' He asked then and the girl handed him her phone. Quick he opened his back and took the memo with Erin's phone number.

''Babe...I...I got lost. Can you pick me up?'' Jay said then with a shaking voice and he told Erin where he was and gave the phone back to the girl, thanking her for helping him and after she walked off he grabbed his stuff together, made sure there was nothing left on the ground and slowly walked out of the alley, leaning against the wall as his ankle and foot hurt from the container and he waited for Erin, clutching his bag as he was afraid somebody would take it away as well. Some people, looked at him, worried as his head a was bleeding, but they didn't dare to ask him as he seemed to scared and they didn't want to startle him.

He sighed relieved as he saw Erin running his way over the sidewalk and he stood up and she pulled him in her arms.

''I was so bloody worried about you.'' She cried as she laid her head on his shoulder and then look up, carefully caressed his face.

''What happened?''

''I...I am sorry, I lost everything.'' He cried, feeling bad as he hadn't been able to fight the men off and get his phone back. She took his arm as they walked to the car and he tried to keep from sobbing. He felt so awful he had lied to her and had lost the way and worse, had lost his stuff.

He sat down sideways in the car as she looked at his face, worried.

''I think we should get you checked out at the ER.''

''No.'' He said firmly as he sat down in the car and swayed the door closed. Upset Erin walked around the car and got in at the driver's side. Jay looked away from her and worried she looked at the dried blood on his chin and nose.

''But what about your nose?'' She asked worried. It didn't seem broken but she was worried it was as there was a lot of blood but he looked at her, mad.

''I just want to go home.'' He said upset he laid his hand against his face and Erin knew she wasn't going to get anything done with him instead of going home and she would keep an eye on him. She didn't want upset him even more by taking him to the ER against his will and she decided it was better to just go home and she did so.

She also wondered how he came in this side of Chicago if he was at the hospital but it was not a time to ask now...maybe later tonight...maybe tomorrow. It worried her, she didn't like he was keeping things from her.

''Jay?'' she asked then as they almost passed their favorite drive through restaurant, hoping she could cheer him up a little bit.

''Do you want something to eat? Or drink.''

He looked at her for a second and back out of the window. ''No.''

''I am think I am going to get one of these Chicago style mozzarella pizza that you like so much.''

Jay shrugged, still upset and worried Erin drove through the drive-trough hoping that he would eat something at home and after she was handed the pizza they drove home, Jay still silent.

''Jay, don't get so upset. We will get you a new phone...was there anything important in your wallet?'' She asked as she parked the car.

''Just a picture of you. I used all my money for dinner.'' He said and she nodded, glad all of his passes where still in a drawer in the kitchen.

''They didn't steal my badge and my case though.'' He said as he pointed at the bag and Erin raised one brow:

''Why were you carrying your badge?''

''I didn't go the hospital today...I worked on my case.'' He said and he sighed. ''And I visited a Jurgen Halstead. Not my dad. Nice man though.''

Slowly they got out of the car and Erin held the pizza a little awkward as she was also holding Jay. She was keeping an eye o nhis because she knew a hit on the head could cause seizures and she put him down on the couch as she walked to the kitchen, to get a plate and a cooling pack for him and she handed him one.

''I don't nee-''

''Put it on your face.''

Grumbling Jay laid it against his swollen eye and Erin started eating. Halfway during the movie he suddenly looked at her.

''Are you going to finish that whole pizza?'' He asked then with a small smile on his face and smiling she handed him a plate with a piece and he looked a little lost as he was still holding the cooling pack against his face and she took it back and brought a piece to his mouth with a fork.

''Oh, we are going down this road again.''

She laughed as she kept feeding him the pizza and as they were both tired of the long day and he finally laid the ice pack down, his eye already bruised, as well as his cheek and she laid her hand against it, carefully and hoped that it only would be bruised for a while, but he was fine other than that. She had cleaned the blood away and was glad it didn't seem to be from a broken nose. Hopefully his eye wouldn't get to bad either.

''You can tell tough stories in the office tomorrow.''

''I fought a whole gang.''

''Totally.'' She laughed as they walked to the bedroom and got ready for bed.

''undress, then jammies.'' She said as she got undressed for bed and he nodded as he still got lost in the order of getting ready for bed from time to time.

In bed they cuddled up and Erin laid against Jay.

''I am so proud you are looking for your father and how much effort you put in it.'' She told him then and she laid her head on his chest, smiling at him.

''But you don't want me to go alone, do you?''

She shrugged with a smile. ''I'd like to help you, but it is your case and your job, detective Halstead.''

''I'd love you to help me, detective Lindsay...but only with driving the car.''

She laughed as she kissed him.

''You are going to find him, I am sure.'' She said then, knowing Jay would find him eventually.

* * *

NOTE: awww poor Jay, he lost his phone but at least Erin comforted him instead of getting mad. Do you think she did this well or should she haven gotten more mad he lied at her and he didn't tell her where he was going?

But did Jay really walk off with a beaten face, broken ego and a missing phone or is he keeping something from Erin again?

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this chapter. Please tell me what you thought by leaving a review.


	22. Chapter 22

Jay held the file out to Platt and Platt looked at his bruised face.

''What happened to you?'' She said, pulling one side of her upper lip up as she looked at the bruised face of the young man.

''Wrestled with a bear.'' Jay smirked as he knew his eye was all shades of blue en black and his cheek was as well. Erin had offered she could try to hide it with make-up but he was okay with it and he wanted to walk back upstairs.

''Jay, can you bring this away for me?'' Platt asked as Jay handed her the file but without saying anything he walked up the stairs again, to the office as Erin was showing him all the Jurgen Halstead's she found on Facebook. He walked back into the office. Maybe his dad was too old for Facebook but it was a way they could possibly find something of him.

''Jay?'' Erin asked as he entered the office and he walked towards her.

''I…I remember that your mom said that your dad lives in New Hampshire? Are you sure that he lives in Chicago?'' Erin asked wondering as she remembered what his mom has said. But he had spoken to his mom recently on the phone about his dad and his mom had said that the last thing she heard from came from Chicago. ''He probably moved there so could see you.'' His mom had said, Jay even more determined to find him now. But their search was not giving the much except that they found out there were a lot of Jurgen Halstead's in Chicago.

''But I have the list here.'' Jay said and Erin nodded.

''I know, but we can't just go to every Jurgen Halstead, asking if he is perhaps your father.''

Jay shrugged and walked back to his own desk and wanted to push it on, looking at the buttons on his computer and pressed all three, glad when his computer started with a load roar. It was a possibility...it were only sixty seven.

''You are going to the hospital this afternoon, right?'' Antonio asked and Jay shrugged.

''Memo.'' Erin said and he checked the row of papers hanging under the screen and he nodded then. ''Yes, I have to be there at two.''

He was going to meet the doctor from Milwaukee again. But he was glad Erin kept hanging up the memo's everywhere so he could remember the things he should. Recently he had been meeting the doctor more often but although he started to remember snippets of his youth and even from his work at the police station he still didn't know anything about Erin and he hated it. He wanted to remember it.

''Ah, I needed to go the shooting range today with some rookies. I thought maybe you wanted to ride along and we could shoot for a bit.'' Antonio said. Jay was not allowed to carry a gun anymore even though he was still a part of the unit, afraid he could hurt himself or the wrong people with it Antonio knew Jay really liked to go shooting together. With Antonio supervising him it would be okay and maybe it would be good he practiced it again before he would ever use it if he fully returned to the unit.

''I can still drop you off at the hospital.'' Antonio offered and Jay nodded gratefully, glad he didn't have to take the bus. The people around him confused him so much when he was sitting in the busy city bus and he got a headache from it. Too many voices and confusing things around him there.

Erin and he stood up then as it was time for lunch and they walked outside, hand in hand and some officers looked at them. They still though it was bad they were in a relationship as they were working together but nobody made a problem as they also knew that Jay was not really working here anymore. THey got coffee and sat down, enjoying the nice sunny weather. It was late March but it was already getting warmer and Erin still remembered the cold they had endured when he was still in the hospital in January.

''Mommy, what is wrong with that sir's head?'' He heard a kid asking behind him and Jay turned around, looking at the little boy looking at the large, rough scar on his head.

''You can't ask that.'' The mother hissed and dragged the boy away and Jay looked down at the table, upset. It was not because the boy asked, but how the mom had reacted. She could have told him it was just a scar but now she acted like he was a monster. Erin rubbed over his shoulder and Jay pretended to act like he didn't care but he kenw it was ugly, hideous and very visible. The skin was so rough and red and he wanted to hide it again but he didn't have the beanie with him. He knew he shouldn't compain about a scar because it was the reason he was still alive and it was the only thing visible from the massive injury but he hated it, even though he couldn't see it himself. It made people look at him, made him feel uncomfortable. The hair growing over it made it a little bit better but it was still very visible.

''Are you okay?'' Erin asked worried and he nodded. It was not her fault the woman had react like that and she kissed him on the cheek, shortly before standing up and tossing their cups away and they walked back to the station, hand in hand. Burgess and Atwater greeted them and they walked upstairs again.

''We got to go already.'' Antonio said as he checked his watch and Jay nodded, kissed Erin and walked downstairs again with Antonio, whom dropped him off at the hospital. As he walked into the hospital he greeted most of the stuff as he got to know most of them after the recovery and hospitalization. Most of the nurses still remembered as he had been a really nice patient to them and the janitor that had found him on the floor after he fell. He remembered the pain and the bleed but he was glad he came out even after malnutrition.

One of the nurses that had been caring for him, looked at him, worried as she approached him.

''What happened to you? Got in a fight?''

''Kind off...it's nothing.'' He said as she looked at his bruised eye and face. He could hardly see through his eye as it was so swollen and Erin was worried his eye socket might be broken but he had assured her it was fine and it was just sore and bruised. But there was the headaches...Oh, it was probably nothing. He told himself.

''Are you sure? No headaches?'' The nurse asked worried and Jay shook his head, knew he was lying but he kept telling himself that the headache was probably just nothing.

He kept on walking to the doctor and greeted him as he entered the office and sat down in front of the desk.

''Did you remember anything the past week? Did the looking in a photo book before you fall asleep help you?'' The older man asked and Jay shrugged.

''Not much, it hurts me I have to keep telling Erin that I still don't remember anything. I know she understands but it is not easy to keep telling her. I want to remember her.''

The doctor nodded understanding and frowned as Jay was suddenly frowning and staring at the wall behind the doctor. He squinted with his eyes and almost dozed off.

''Something wrong?'' The doctor asked worried. Jay seemed to wake up and looked at the doctor, confused.

''I...I remember...I remember this man that used to come to me in the subway...he told me he was my father but I didn't believe him...I thought he was a crazy old fool and a homeless...I think he was my father.'' Jay said then, the images going through his head.

* * *

NOTE: Jay is remembering something! Something that might be very important for the search to his father or is he remembering something he might have seen in a movie but did not happen to him? His mind might be playing tricks on him.

What can we expect in the upcoming chapters? We can expect some bromance between Antonio and Jay, Jay and Erin having some real talk about the future and of course Jay continues the search to his father.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked this chapter. Please tell me what else you would like to see in the upcoming chapters and please tell me what you thought about this chapter! The more wishes and feedback, the longer the story! :)


	23. Chapter 23

Jay and Antonio walked towards the shooting range and Jay took the gun that was laying there, held it in his hands a little uneasy as Antonio was standing with a gun beside him and waited as Antonio explained it all and Jay fired a shot, carefully and he missed the target, but he liked it. It made him feel like he was a real cop again, not because he wanted to shoot people but he knew he had done it before.

After shooting for a few minutes he got the target back and saw he had missed mostly, but he was glad Antonio had taken here so he had the experience again. After the shooting Antonio took him to the bar by the shooting range and they shared a drink.

''Was I...a good shooter in the department?'' Jay asked, not sure if it was an appropriate question to ask but Antonio nodded.

''Yes, you are a great shooter.'' He said then and Jay frowned.

''The sheet where I missed the person with almost every shot doesn't really prove that.'' He smirked but then he looked in his glass.

''So I guess I was a good shooter once, but not anymore now.'' He sighed but Antonio shook his head.

''You still are, down inside. It just needs to come up again.'' Antonio encouraged him and Jay nodded as he drank a little and looked at Antonio then; ''Was the man that shot me a trained shooter?''

''NOt at all, his shot was...''

''lucky?'' Jay finished his sentence and Antonio nodded, he hadn't want to say it that way but he had meant what Jay just said and he nodded.

''What was it like?'' Jay asked as he didn't want to keep asking Erin as she didn't want to talk about it, still shaken by what had happened. When she thought back about him being shot, she almost immediately started to cry and he didn't want to do it to her.

''I...I just heard a gunshot and when I ran in that direction I saw you laying in Erin's arm, bleeding from your head. She was so scared that you were going to die because you were shot in the head...and we were all. We were pretty sure we were going to lose you because the bullet wound was pretty nasty, it had gone through your skull, but in the hospital you were still alive, even when you crashed in the ambulance and they took you into surgery. They reconstructed the part of your skull and...I guess you know this, right?''

Jay shook his head so Antonio kept on talking. ''We caught the bad guy, you know that...and you recovered.''

He didn't know if Jay had heard about his mother and Erin in trouble with each and he decided not to tell it, afraid he would ruin the contact between the two fo them.

''Where is the building I was shot?'' Jay asked then and Antonio took his phone and opened the maps and street view, showed the large building in the harbor and pointer at the pavement in front of the building.

''So many people left flowers and candles for you there the day after your were shot. They had heard about the detective being shot on the news and they prayed for your there, there were people every day and they supported you.''

Jay nodded slowly as this was also something Erin had never told him.

''Can we go there?'' He asked then and Antonio nodded. ''Sure.''

Slowly they walked to the car and got in, drove the large warehouse and Jay looked at the pavement, that was mostly empty now except for some burned up candles and Antonio opened the large doors with a lot of effort, but they could walk in then. Dripping sounds were still there in the warehouse and it reminded Antonio of when Jay was shot, as he had fallen in the water.

Jay looked around as Antonio brought him to the place he was shot and Jay kneeled down where there was a dark spot on the floor and he knew it had been from his blood.

''I remember a little things. We were going there to roll up a drugs gang, right?'' Jay asked and Antonio nodded.

''I remember running after the guy through this shallow water and then falling into the water. I couldn't move and thought I was drowning. Erin lifted my head out of the water and started to cry and then there is nothing.'' Jay said hastily and Antonio nodded as it was pretty much what he has seen from it.

A little shaken from the memories he walked back with Antonio to the car and he brought him home. After dinner with Erin they laid in their bed, in each others arms as they watched a movie.

''Why didn't you tell me about the shooting, not the details? I asked Antonio today and he even told me that people were praying for me outside the warehouse when I was in the hospital.''

''I...I didn't know.'' She said surprised as she had never dared to return to the warehouse after the shooting as she didn't want to confronted with what had happened there and she had been too busy with being on his side at the hospital.

''I am sorry, Jay. I would have told you.'' She said as she muted the TV so they could talk.

''It's okay, I know now.'' He said as he kissed her on her forehead. She crawled up a little bit and laid back in his arms, her nails tracing over his chest.

''Antonio took me to the place where I was shot. I remembered a few things, like running after the guy through the shallow water. Then falling to the ground and I couldn't breath and move with the water going into my mouth.'' Jay said then.

Erin looked at him, hopeful; ''Did you remember anything...about us, that day before you were shot? That morning we shared maybe?'' She asked as he hoped he remembered that he had comforted her in the night. It was something she remembered very well as it had been him telling her he would never get hurt or wounded or in danger but he had been that same day.

''Nothing about us...except that you saved me by holding me so I could breathe.'' Jay said as he thought back about the vivid memory of her holding him in the shallow water and he could finally breathe again and he had looked at her one final time before the lights went out in his head and he woke up in the hospital.

''But it is something and I am sure more will come.'' He said with a promising smile as he kissed her and she looked at him with a smile.

* * *

NOTE: jay is remembering more and more things and he is probably getting closer to regaining his full memory! He also got back to shooting, which also gets him a step closer to being a detective again, but will he every fully return even with his memory now he has the seizures?

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked his chapter. I haven't updated in a while because I wasn't sure if you were still interested in the story, but I hope you still are. Please leave a review before you go and tell what you thought :)


	24. Chapter 24

Jay got into the bus after the hospital, checking the note Erin had made for him that said which bus he had to take and he checked it, knew he was right. The station was up in two stops and he thought about the therapy session. They had talked about the shooting and Jay had remembered more and more, like talking with Erin the kitchen before they left, but still nothing before that. It was coming back so slow he was afraid it was going to take years and he didn't want it to take years because that would be awful for Erin.

''We are heading out, a raid in a drugs lab.'' Erin said to Jay as he just arrived in the office after therapy in the morning. She walked to the kitchen with him as he looked sad and mad. She never talked about this side of the job with him but she could imagine what it felt like for him. She had always felt the same worry and her worry had come true, but it was not a reason she couldn't do the work anymore.

''I know it is not easy.'' Erin said as he had expected this to be his reaction.

''No, because I almost died during one of those raids! I don't want to lose you Erin.'' He said worried as he laid his hands around her jaw, looking worried and she nodded understanding.

''I know, but I will be safe. I promise. I have to go Jay, but I will be back before you know. Just try to keep occupied.''

''How, I can't do something while I know that you are in danger.''

Lindsay sighed, hugged him. ''You are going to be okay, really. I am going to be even better. We are going to catch the bad guy and then I am going to be back before dinner and we can go out to our favourite place.''

Finally he nodded as he had no choice in it anyway. She was going anyway. Maybe she was right and he could do something useful like looking for his father, as he hadn't been up to it for the last few days. He remembered the homeless on the train but that also made him hopeless as he knew he would never find his father then. He looked as the cars drove away from the parking lot and he felt nervous, his heart beating faster and faster in his chest as he thought about the danger she was in now.

Sure, she had a gun, a team and a bullet free vest but he would always be worried about her. He looked out of the window a little longer, realized time wasn't going to pass any faster when he kept staring and slowly he walked to his desk and and sat down, launched his computer and kept checking the clock and his watch. Then he realized he looked almost every minute and that made no sense. Why was he so worried? Erin was trained and she was a really great cop, she would be fine and safe, but he couldn't help but worry.

Trying to stick with the work he opened the phone book and typed in his dads name, tried to see if there was something to find with the middle name. He printed the list, started striping every wrong one off with a pen and marking the addresses on another printed map. After the googled those addresses as well, some pictures showing up and he looked at the pictures.

Then, a picture of a man that had saved somebody in a garage fire showed up and he moved closer to the scream. Those freckles, the light eyes. Jay almost crawled in his screen as he moved closer and closer. It had to be his father.

''Jin? Do you think this might be the same man?'' Jay asked then as Jay entered the office and Jay walked towards Jay and looked at the picture on the screen and at the picture Jay was holding.

''Yeah, I think it is the same man...is that your father?'' Jin said as he saw a lot of resemblance between him and Jay. The eyes, the freckles, even the hair colour.

''Hopefully.'' Jay said then and Jin laid his hand on Jay's shoulder.

''Let's hope so.''

Then he walked away. With a deep sigh Jay checked the clock again, realizing two hours had already passed and he should have heard something of Lindsay by now and he hated it. It made him nervous. It made almost forget the positive news about his father.

Ugh, the pressure of the idea of Erin being in danger made the time pass really slow. He wondered how she was doing now and what they were doing. Hopefully she would tell him tonight. There was so much he could tell her now!

Jay stood up from his desk, wanted to walk to the kitchen to get something to drink when he suddenly collapsed and fell to the floor.

''Jay?''

Jin walked into the office, wanted to ask jay if he could hold some papers for Antonio until the team returned, but then he saw Jay laying on the floor, turning him on his side, worried. He was afraid Jay had had a seizure, but this was all he knew about first aid.

The crew arrived back a bit later and Erin kneeled down by Jay, worried, but he was breathing okay and she knew he would wake up soon.

The others gave them some privacy by bringing him to the kitchen and Antonio and Adam left again as she waited by him. A few minutes later his eyes slowly opened and he looked up at Erin.

''Hey.'' She said as she wiped the hair from his face and gave him a small smile.

''Hey. You are safe.'' He whispered and she caressed his shoulder and arm.

''Yeah and so are you, luckily.'' She said as she carefully helped him sitting up. He got up, sore and battered from the fall and they got ready to go home, as Jay needed to change after the seizure as he had accidentally wet himself and they walked to the car, Erin supporting Jay.

''I am so sorry about this.'' He said then but she shook her head.

''Don't be sorry. I love you.'' She said as she kissed him on his cheek and they drove home, quickly. He knew he was on his way to being his old self again but he also knew he would never be again. But there was also something new.

''I found my father.'' He whispered then.

* * *

NOTE: Did Jay finally find his father on the internet after all? Is he lucky and is it not the homeless man? but then, who is the homeless man? Is he also someone from jay's past? Are his seizures getting worse again?

Thank you so much for the response on the previous chapter. I hoped this fast update suited you after the last one took so long. please tell me what you though by leaving a review and keep me writing!


	25. Chapter 25

Nervous, Jay left the car and walked up the steps. For a second he hesitated knocking on the door and looked at Erin, watching him from the car. This man, the man that would open the door, was his father and Jay had no idea what to expect. What if his father didn't even want to see him? What if he didn't even open the door. Jay took a deep breath and finally knocked on the door. There sounded some shuffling inside and worried Jay tried to look through the window. The door opened and surprised the man looked at Jay. He looked at Jay with his blue eyes, filling with tears as he looked at Jay's face. Jay recognized him from the pictures and his lip started to shake.

''Dad?''

The man pulled him in his arms and started to sob and Jay tried not to cry. He was confused that his father was so moved to see him, especially because he never had been looking for Jay, but Jay got emotional as well that they were reunited after he searched for his dad for so long. His dad finally let go, looking at his son. He invited Jay inside and Jay followed him slowly, not knowing what to expect but he was so glad his dad recognized him. Entering the kitchen he frowned upon seeing a large board, with newspaper articles.

''I have always been very proud of what you are doing, Jay. I...I still am.'' His dad said a little shy and Jay looked at the articles. They were all about the intelligence unit and his dad even marked his name with a light yellow marker.

''It means a lot.'' He said then as he gave his dad a small smile and he saw the article of his shooting and he read it, as he never did before and he saw a not hanging under it, with the visiting hours of the hospital and the number of his room. His dad saw him looking.

''I...I wanted to visit you, but your mom was there...and I...I was afraid you would get mad.'' His dad said, not knowing what to say as he knew he had been stupid. He hadn't dared to enter Jay's room as he had seen his ex-wife sitting there, by his bedside, now he realized that even though he hadn't been there the previous fifteen years, he should have been here for him. He should have ignored his ex wife and he should have been there for his son.

''Jay, I am so sorry. I know I can't make this up to you.''

''You don't have to. I don't remember anything from before the shooting. I don't know what happened between you and mum. I don't remember what she said about you to me before. It is a new start, dad.'' Jay said as he turned around and his dad seemed shocked. Shocked by the news he had never expected. Shocked by what Jay just said. Shocked that his son had lost his memory and shocked the accepted him back so easily and he was so glad, so glad he finally got do spend some time with his son. It is what he had wanted for years, but his ex-wife never allowed him, threatened him and after he had moved away to Chicago he suddenly heard his son was studying and working there after not seeing him for nine years, but he had not dared to make contact with his son again. His dad took him to the living room and there they sad down, awkward and his dad brought him something to drink, looked out of the window and saw the pretty girl sitting in the car in front of his house.

''You shouldn't let her wait outside.'' His dad said and Jay walked to the door, got Erin with him as they walked back inside.

''This is Erin, my girlfriend.'' He said shy but proud and his dad and Erin shook hands. Erin sat down next to him on the couch as they sat in silence. Finally his dad started talking again, about his police work when there was a short knock on the front door. His dad stood up and walked to the door. Meanwhile, Erin pinched his hand and gave him a smile, glad that his father and he seemed to be good. His dad entered the room again and Jay's mouth fell open as he saw Jurgen Halstead, not his dad, but the older man he had met before on his search standing next to his dad, frowning at Jay.

''Jacob, what is Jay doing here?''

''Dad...how come you know Jay?'' His dad said confused and Jay was even more confused as his dad was called Jurgen, not Jay.

''He was looking for his father and he stood at my doorstep...oh my.'' Jurgen Halstead sr. said as he looked at his son, whom looked at his son again and Jay looked even more confused. His mind was overloaded and Erin laid her arm around him.

''Babe, he is your grandfather.'' She said, helping him to get back to his mind again.

The older Jurgen looked at Jay and at his son.

''Why have you never told me you have a son, Jacob?''

''Because I haven't seen him in fifteen years.''

''But your name is Jurgen!'' Jay said now, confused as he pointed at his father.

''I call him Jacob, because two Jurgen's were too confusing.'' Jay's grandpa said and Jay started to cry, as everything was too overwhelming. When he came back to his senses, Erin was glad he didn't have a seizure, but the man started talking then, calmly and as it all got to much for Jay, they left, promising they would meet soon again.

His dad and grandpa seemed to understand it was a bit too much for Jay to process with the brain damage and as they left, Jay realized that he did not remember them from before the shooting, not from when he was talking with Erin before they left to the raid. He hadn't known them. But the family he hadn't known before the shooting, was his family now.

At home, Erin made dinner as Jay was still trying to recover from his discovery and the meeting with his family. He tried to process it but it was too much for his mind. Although his brain was getting better, the damage still was there. She sat down on the couch next to him and kissed him on his cheek, rubbing over his back.

''Are you okay? Are you maybe a little happy?'' She asked and he nodded, slowly and laid his head on her shoulder.

''I finally have a family again, like a full family.'' He said with a small smile and she nodded.

''Even more people to love you, just like I do.'' She said as she kissed him on his forehead and was really glad to see him smile. He was going to be okay, he just needed some time.

* * *

NOTE: Jay found his father...and grandfather! Had you expected that the older Jurgen Halstead was his grandpa from the chapter before? I hope you liked this chapter as it finally got Jay and his dad together. But I promise you, this is not the end of the story at all, because Jay still has to get his memory back! He will get it back...hopefully!? Something good but at the same time something bad is coming his way again and it is going to leave you at the end of your seats again in a few chapters!

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked this and that you think it was realistic Jay forgave his father for leaving them. Please leave a review with what you thought about this chapter and if there is something you want to see in the future of the story.


	26. Chapter 26

''Babe, what are you doing?'' Erin asked confused as Jay was looking for something in the big closet next to their bed.

''I am looking for my running shoes. Antonio takes me running today. I mean, I had running shoes, right? I wore them in the hospital with therapy.'' Jay frowned as he looked through his stuff in the closet but his shoes were not there. Erin rolled in the bed, waking up and leaned on her elbow.

''They are in the other bedroom, in your sports bag.''

''Right.'' Jay said with a small smile as he walked to the other bedroom. He took the shoes and walked back to the bedroom where he slept with Erin now. He put the shoes on and looked at the laces. Erin saw him looking and rolled out of the bed, kneeled down and knotted them for him.

''You will have to learn me...I mean...I will learn it eventually.'' He sighed as he knew that he should know it by now as she had explained him at least three times. But he still couldn't remember the right order to do it. She kissed him on the cheek as she walked around him and laid back in bed.

''You aren't coming with us.''

'''No, you say hi to Antonio from me.'' Lindsay smiled as she didn't want to run today, too tired and she knew Jay and Antonio could have such conversations, she didn't even want to be a part off.

''Antonio is here!'' Jay said as there was a knock on the door. He ran to the door and opened, Antonio walking inside with a paper bag.

''What, are we not going immediately?'' Jay asked excited to run but Antonio pointed at the bag.

''You had breakfast?'' Antonio asked and Jay shook his head. Antonio handed him the bag and Jay took the sandwich out, looked at the bag and saw it was Laura's bakery.

''Never go running without breakfast.'' Antonio warned him and Jay nodded and enjoyed the sandwich. He had wanted to grab something to eat...after he found the shoes...but then he couldn't find the shoes. When he was finished they walked outside and started to run, slowly, through the park close by Erin's house. Antonio was running slower but realized that Jay was keeping up with him very well and actually he wasn't even running that much slower than he usually ran. They ran even more blocks when Antonio had so stop to catch his breath and leaned against one of the streetlights.

''What did Erin give you this morning? Damn.'' Antonio panted as he had expected Jay would not be able to keep up with him, but now he couldnt keep up with Jay.

''Nothing...but I think PT did some work.'' Jay smirked and Antonio nodded as he got up again and looked at Jay. He seemed a whole lot better than a month ago, when he was still a shadow of the man he once was. Sure, he still struggled every day with things and he was not as vital and able as before, but he was Jay again, although he was still different. All his cockiness was gone and he seemed happier than he was before. Even with all that happened. He and Antonio started running again and Antonio looked aside.

''Erin...told me that you met your family for the first time. How was it?'' He asked carefully, hoping he wouldn't upset Jay.

''It...it was good. My dad and I are meeting up soon by the cafe close the Erin, the one with the delicious coffee.'' Jay told and Antonio nodded. he was glad Jay had finally found his father after his long search, especially now he needed his dad.

''You know, in two months is the Chicago marathon. I am going to run it.'' Jay said then, determined and Antonio stopped, surprised.

''Whoah, calm down. What?''

''I want to run the marathon. '' Jay said and Antonio looked at him in disbelief.

''But that is in two months.'' Antonio said shocked.

''Yeah, so. Two months to get ready. Are you in or not?'' Jay said determined and Antonio smirked. He knew he would be able to do it if he trained the next two months and he knew Jay would be able to do it out of pure willpower and his stubbornness, but he was afraid Jay would strain himself. He seemed to forget sometimes he was not recovering forma cold and even after two months, he was not completely recovered.

''Don't give shit and say no, Antonio. I know you want to do it.'' Jay smirked and Antonio nodded.

''Fine, fine. But it is insane, you know that, right?''

Jay nodded and smiled; ''Guess I am insane...but I saw an article in my dad's kitchen, it was me running the marathon two years ago and I was on the picture, running for the CPD.''

''Oh I remember. You ran for the memorial and Platt was standing on the side of the route, giving everybody drinks and she refused to give you one because you were a rookie.'' Antonio laughed and Jay shrugged.

''Could be.''

Sometimes Antonio forgot that Jay didn't have any memory from before the shooting.

They started walking back to her home as they started to make plans for the marathon. They stopped by the small café and got some coffee for themselves as well as for Erin and walked back to her home. Antonio got in the car while Jay walked upstairs.

''Oh, my own barista.'' Erin smiled as he entered the bedroom and gave her the cup and sat down on the bed next to her, his legs tired from the run now. He drank the coffee as Erin looked at him.

''Do you mind taking your shoes off?'' She finally asked and with a red face he kicked them off as they watched the movie.

''Sorry, made your sheets dirty.'' He sighed as he looked at the two spots in the blanket but she shook her head.

''Have been there for the past three months. You never put your shoes off after running.'' She said and Jay smirked.

''Sorry.''

''I kinda like it. It's okay.'' She smiled as she kissed him on his cheek and laid her head on his chest as they watched the movie and he played with her hair.

''I got something to tell you. Antonio and I are going to run the marathon this year.''

Erin looked up at him, surprised.

''But you hardly trained.''

''I can do it. If I can do this, I can also return to the physical work in the department. I really want to, Erin. I want to join in again so I can work with you again, that I can protect you when you are out doing dangerous things.'' He said and Erin started to smile as he was so sweet. But she knew he wouldn't be able to return so easily, but she also was so proud that he wanted to do this.

''Guess you need a nice massage under the shower then to prepare yourself for the marathon.'' She said with a cheeky smile and he laughed as he got up from the bed and pulled her in his arms.

''I won't say no to that.''

* * *

NOTE: Jay has got big plans, running the marathon with Antonio. But is everything going to be okay with Jay running the marathon (nah of course disaster is waiting to happen.)

I hope you liked this chapter, Jay's new idea and the new direction of the story. course we will see more of his dad, his memory and his new plan - and if Erin lets him run the marathon at all - Thank you for reading and please leave a review with what you thought and what you think is going to happen next, or what you want to see next!


	27. Chapter 27

**Two months later, the day of the Chicago marathon**

* * *

''Ready?''

''As ready as I am going to be.'' Jay smiled as he pulled the CPD shirt over his head, over the shirt he was already wearing for running and Erin kneeled down, tied his shoes and kissed him as she got upright again. The last two months he had been training almost everyday.

''What if I don't make it to the finish?''

''Then...then that is too bad. But you are going to do it, Jay.'' She said as she waved at his father and grandfather whom came to wish Jay good luck.

''Hey boy, good luck.'' Jay's father said and Jay nodded, smiling proud as he knew he was going to do it, but even more proud that his father and grandfather were here to watch him.

''You can do it.'' His grandfather said and Jay nodded as the man embraced him.

Then they walked away to claim a god spot by the route and Jay stood next to Erin, nervous. He rubbed his hand over the scar on the back of his head and felt stupid for forgetting to take the cap he put on the kitchen table. It was not that he was ashamed, but he didn't want people looking at him again.

Erin saw him doing so and she opened her bag and handed him the cap, before she could forget. A cap with the CPD logo. Antonio had taken it for him yesterday night when he had brought the last stuff for tomorrow and Jay had already been in bed. Jay took it gratefully and put it on his head.

''I am not ashamed, I am just don't want people staring at me.''

Lindsay nodded understanding and hugged him again.

''You are going to do it and I am so proud of you already.'' She smiled at him, proud, as Antonio came walking their way, holding their numbers to put on their shirts. Eva walked with him and she stood in front of Jay and held out a small leather bracelet then.

''I braid it for you, as a lucky charm!''

''Thank you, it is really pretty.'' Jay thanked her and Erin helped him getting it around his wrists. Then he and Antonio had to walk to the to the finish. He kissed Erin, quickly and she promised that she would be standing on the side with Gatorade and he nodded as he walked away, waving one last time. They waited between all of the people until they could start and some other officers joined them for running and Jay smiled as he saw the leader of homicide, Waters, whom had helped him out a lot when bringing the files around. They started running and shortly after starting they gave up running with the other officers. Jay and Antonio were both in great shape, but not good enough to run with the people who spend so much time running it was almost a second fulltime job.

Jay cursed inside as his hip started to hurt and he knew he shouldn't have run the other round last night, but he wanted to do it so badly. He gritted his teeth as they kept running because he wanted to do it. They were keeping up pretty well with the people around them and the running was going in a pleasant pace.

''You can go faster if you like.'' Jay said to Antonio as they were running in his pace but he didn't want to annoy Antonio by running to slow. They were running for almost 3 miles when they saw the building where the others were supposed to be waiting for them with drinks. Jay could already see the group standing there, but there was also a group of yelling people on the other side of the road. People with signs and banners, protestors. But they were fighting...rioters? Jay looked confused and looked at Antonio.

Antonio told him to just keep running as they ran past the protesters and he waved at Lindsay, whom was standing only a little bit away now as he saw her leaning against the fence. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm and Jay lost his balance, tumbling backward. Smoke was spreading and Jay tried to grab Antonio's arm before he could fall. Antonio was still turning around when Jay couldn't hold himself in time and fell backward, his head hitting the iron fence with a nasty, harsh bang and he fell to the ground. The last thing he witnessed was the terrible pain in his neck and head.

All sounds seemed to disappear and barely a second later, everything faded to black.

''JAY!'' Antonio yelled worried as he kneeled down by Jay. Jay was unconscious and all colour seemed to leave his face.

Erin and the others saw the smoke bomb being thrown and Erin looked worried, as Antonio and Jay should have been here by now. Other runners came crawling from the smoke and the police was arriving to get the rioters and demonstrates away. Then, she jumped over the fence, walking to the place where Antonio and Jay had disappeared in the smoke and she looked for them.

''Antonio...Jay?''

Suddenly she spotted their blue t-shirts, Antonio kneeled down by Jay, shaking and worried.

''He fell...he fell with his head on the fence.'' Antonio said shocked and Erin looked at Jay. Just above them a rioter spit on Antonio.

''You dirty CPD, using all tax money.''

Antonio jumped up and wanted to fight the man when he was stopped by Olinsky and Voight. Burgess was already calling an ambulance.

''Don't mind the dirt bag, he is not worth it, focus on Jay instead.'' Voight said. Jay's father jumped over the fence.

''Jay, my boy!'' The father yelled as he pushed himself through the runners that did not notice what was going on and kept running. The man stood by the group, not knowing what to do, so shocked about what happened.

''We have to give him some space.'' Ruzek said then and together with Olinsky, Burgess and Atwater they started to push the people and the fence back as Lindsay sat by Jay. She made sure that he could breathe and stabilized his head with her hands. The unit pushed the crowd back and other police was backing them up and arrested the rioters, while Voight and Antonio tried to protect Jay and some of the other runners that fell. Erin was still sitting by Jake, holding his head as she was afraid he had injured his neck when she suddenly felt something dripping between her fingers and worried she looked at her hand, watery blood between her fingers, that was coming from his ear.

''Come on Jay, You can't leave me! We have so much more to do together!'' She cried. ''Jay, you can't leave me.''

* * *

NOTE: A day that started so well ended so bad. Is Erin going to lose Jay in exact the same was as she almost lost him before? Is the ambulance going to arrive at time and can they save Jay's head again?

Thank you so much for reading. I didn't intend to make such a big time jump but it was needed for the storyline. I hope you liked this chapter even with the shocking ending. Please tell me what you thought by leaving a review!


	28. Chapter 28

**3 days later**

* * *

''Sweety, I am right here with you. You are going to be okay, it is all going to be alright.'' She said as she caressed his hand and looked at the monitors. He looked at her, slowly raised his arm for a little bit it fell back on the blanket. He wanted to get the mask of his face, talk to her, but he couldn't. It was three days since the accident that happened at the marathon and Jay hadn't been awake for most of them. The painkillers and head injury kept him unconscious.

Erin had held him until the ambulance arrived. They had put a brace around his neck and put him on a backboard, telling her that she should drive along, as it was pretty bad. In the hospital they had taken him away immediately and shortly after she got the update that he was in emergence surgery, as the blow on his head has caused one of the artery's that were weakened because of the bullet, to burst. Shortly after, he was brought to the PACU and to the ICU and Lindsay had stayed with him, just like yesterday. Yesterday, early in the morning, he had woken up and he had been awake for a few times that day. Today had been the same. Sometimes he was very clear and awake, the other times he woozy of the painkillers.

''Erin?'' Sounded weak from the bed and she moved forward, closer to him and looked at him.

''Jay...it's going to be okay.'' She reassured him again and she moved a bit to the side so he could see her better, as he couldn't move his neck in the brace.

''Where are we?'' He asked confused and she tried to keep herself from crying, so relieved he was talking and breathing.

''We are in the hospital, you fell after something happened at the marathon, your head hit the fence.'' She said as she kept caressing his hand and slowly his hand pinched his hand and she sighed relieved, as he was not paralyzed as the doctors had predicted. At least not his hand.

''My back hurts...not my head.'' Jay said weak and Erin nodded; ''Your fell against the barrier, your back one of the legs of the barrier. Your spine is swollen, but it will all be okay.'' She said compassionate as she knew he would stress if he knew he had no feeling in his legs. But he was under so much painkillers now he didn't notice.

''My head feels like that night we went out for a drink...and we drank more than one.'' Jay said then with a wry smile and Erin started to laugh, tears in her eyes; ''You remember?''

''Yeah...I do.'' Jay said then, almost surprised and a laugh escaped him then.

''I remember everything, our first date, high school, starting to work in the office, our cases. It's all back.'' He said with a smile and Erin laughed, so happy. The memories were finally back and she had not expected this at all. She was so worried after he fell on his head that everything would have gotten worse. Ofcourse, it was really bad but at least there was something good.

''Don't cry sweety.'' He said with a small smile and she wiped the tears away, kissing him on his hand as she didn't want to hurt his battered head. He closed his eyes again and fell asleep. Lindsay knew that he would receive bad news tomorrow, but she was glad he could sleep now with the painkillers, but oh she was so happy, so so happy. So happy that he finally remembered everything, so happy that he finally remembered his live again and also really happy that he remembered her again.

Slowly she stood up and left. He looked really bad in the bed, vulnerable with his head in a thick layer of bandages and she realized the road might even be longer, as the bleeding in his brain had made the damage worse. She tried to prepare herself for the worst, that even now Jay got his memory back, he still wasn't the Jay he was before. But that didn't mean she loved him any less.

The next morning she returned and he was sitting up a little bit, slowly eating something now. She walked to him and kissed him carefully, afraid to hurt his head. The brace was still around his neck as they were still afraid he hurt his neck. They wanted to MRI him, but because of the iron plat ein his head. Today they were going to make another x-ray to be sure and they hopefully he would get rid of it.

''Enjoying the yoghurt?'' She said as she sat down on the chair.

''Not really, it's hard eating.'' He sighed and she took the spoon and yoghurt from him.

''We practiced so much.'' He said as she started to feed him again, just like they done before.

''You know, next time we should do this at the Italian restaurant we went on our first date.'' He said and Erin sighed with a smile. He remembered everything again. As he finished breakfast she made sure he was comfortable.

''I can't feel me legs, is that the medication?'' He asked as she moved him a little bit as he wanted to sit up a little bit more.

''Jay...''She said as he didn't know what to say and he looked so worried. ''You fell on the fence pretty nasty and...and your spine is swollen. It is pressing on your nerves...untill the swelling goes down, you are paralyzed. But it is going to be okay.'' She said as she took his hand again and he looked at her.

''Temporarily?'' He said sad.

''Yes.'' She said and he looked aside, really sad. Four days ago he had been running the marathon and now he was in the hospital, not being able to move a single toe. It made him desperate, as it seemed that every time he improved, he got pushed back again. He tried not to cry as he was so happy he got his memory back but it was a huge setback, even if it was just temporarily.

''What now?'' He asked fearful.

''You will recover Jay, I am sure of that.''

He looked at her, sad as he knew he couldn't walk, that he would need to care for him again and he felt guilty about it because he knew it was the the relationship she wanted.

''Both were caused by the same fall.'' He sighed and she nodded.

''I am so sorry, Jay.'' She cried then. She felt bad because he couldn't walk or run, the thing he liked the most to do and the doctors had no idea how long it would take before the swelling would go down. It could be months and the longer it took, the less likely it was he would ever fully recover. Jay saw how sad she was and realized he shouldn't pity himself. They were going to come through this, again.

''You know what, I guess I prefer remembering you over ever making a step again. You are my everything, Erin.'' He said then and She kissed him.

* * *

NOTE: Jay is alive and breathing but will he recover from this again? He has his memory back but his brain damage seems to have become worse? Will he ever walk again? Can Erin and Jay overcome this blow?

I got something to tell you, this story is going to get a sequel as it will be finished in 2 more chapters. This is story is going to have 30 followed by a sequel. The sequel will be called memories and will include a lot of Linstead...something very important for Linstead...sometthing really small and precious - which will be revealed at the end of the story - and their road of their changed lives. Well, if you like to see a sequel ofcourse, please tell me if you do like that idea!

I hope you liked this chapter. Please do leave a review before you go with what you thought about this chapter and what you think about the sequel! Thank you so much for still following the story.


	29. Chapter 29

**One week later. **

* * *

Erin pushed the wheelchair to the car and Jay was excited to go home, but he also knew that he would be stuck in the stupid chair for a while. Erin opened the car door and Jay looked a little lost, as did Erin. They had assured his doctor that they would be able to manage and do this together and his PT had showed him how to do a lot of practical things, but he had no idea how to do this. Before he could even look at Erin she put the brakes on the wheelchair.

''Come on, hold on to me.'' She said and Jay did so and she helped him in the car. With a lot of effort as his whole body was still sore, he pulled his legs inside the car, barely any feeling in them. He could feel a little bit, but it was more of a vague sensation then actual feeling, but he knew it was a good start, because three days ago there had been nothing. They warned him it could take a while though, as his spine was still swollen and pressing ont he nervous and the longer that took, the worse the damage would be, but he kept hoping that he would make a full recovery. Erin folded his wheelchair, threw it in the trunk and sat down behind the wheel. She drove home.

''To the left, right?'' Jay asked he tried to remember the way home but it seemed to have disappeared from his memory while all the other things had returned. Everything was still a little blurry in his head.

''No, to the right.'' Erin said worried and Jay nodded. It was al a little vague. She helped him back in the wheelchair. Jay pulled his legs up again, his neck hurting and he hoped the soreness would soon go away. He started to wheel to the door, Erin pushing him suddenly and he look up. ''You don't have to push me all the time. I can get there myself.''

''I know, but you still need to strengthen up.'' She said as she kissed him in his neck, looking at the plaster on the back of his head. She opened the door of the complex and he wheeled the door, to the elevator and got in.

''It's a lightweight, sportive wheelchair. I can do it Erin.'' He said and she nodded then. They entered her house and Jay was glad to be home. He had asked Antonio to sell his apartment was he never was there anymore and Antonio was working on it. Hopefully it would be sold soon so he could really move in with Erin, although he had been living here for the past three months.

''I will unpack your stuff...can you make some coffee? Then we have lunch.'' Erin said and Jay nodded, wheeled to the kitchen, almost getting stuck in the door frame. The doorbell rang at the same time and Erin walked past him, opened the door.

''Antonio?''

''Came to see Jay.'' He heard Antonio said and walking towards him. Jay turned the wheelchair around in the middle of the kitchen.

''Hey, how are you doing man?'' Antonio asked worried and Jay wanted to shrug, but his shoulders and neck were still too sore.

''Okay, I guess. Getting adjusted.'' Jay said and Antonio nodded and handed him something.

''Here, this is for you.''

''What?'' Jay asked surprised as he saw the medal of a finisher for the Chicago marathon and Antonio nodded.

''It's from Waters, he thinks you should have it.'' Antonio said. ''I understand if you don't want it.''

''No, please thank him.'' Jay said, it was not that the medal meant anything to him but he felt even more ungrateful to let Antonio return it to Waters. The men meant it well. Antonio left short after and Jay got back to making coffee. A little lost he looked at the coffee machine and checked the drawer if there was a a manual. He had been making coffee with this machine right before the marathon, but now it was all gone. It was so annoying and upset he hit his fist on the kitchen counter as he couldn't even turn his wheelchair in a position that didn't include smashin his knees in the cupboard or not being able to reach it. Calming down he tried to reach to the upper cupboard to grad the cup and realized he couldn't reach it. He tried to reach out, but couldn't get any higher as there was a strap over his thighs.

''Careful!'' Lindsay said as she ran his way and worried she reached to the cupboard, grabbed the two mugs and handed them to him before he could let them fall, or he would hurt himself. She laid her hand on his shoulders as he looked away.

''I really wanted to do it. But I can't remember the order and I couldn't reach it.'' He said angry and sad.

''It doesn't matter.'' She said as she kissed him on his temple and he looked up. ''Can you check the tape on my back?''

Erin nodded and as Jay bow forward as far as he could she pulled up his shirt a little bit, looking at the tape on hisback, that was still in place. It was supposed to support his back and help the pain and she hoped it did.

''Yeah, it's okay.'' She said and he nodded, turned the wheelchair, getting a little more skillful every time he did and she made the coffee as she waited. He tried to imagine what it was like if this would be forever, that he would be stuck in his chair forever. Would they last? Sure, he loved Lindsay with all his heart but the last thing he wanted was being a burden to her, which he felt he was now.

After lunch Lindsay helped Jay lay down in bed. He fell asleep immediately, exhausted from the morning and small part of the afternoon and she walked away, picked up the bucket on her side of the bed, as she had been feeling sick a lot lately, but it was better today.

She woke him up later that afternoon and he insisted on getting out of bed, so she helped him out and they had dinner. After dinner she walked to the bathroom to take a bath and she kissed him before looking away as he was flipping the pages of the photo album.

In the bathroom she grabbed a new bottle of bodysoap as it was almost finished and knocked over a box of tampons, the box tumbling on the floor and its content flying out. ''Shit.'' She mumbled as she picked them all up.

Jay was flipping the pages of the photo album, memory after memory came back to him and then he looked down, at his legs, powerless on the footrests and he sighed. He wished that he could walk and he tried to happy he got his memory back and not to feel sorry for himself, but it was even harder now he knew the brain damage had returned as well. He felt even worse for Erin now as he knew he was not the man she ever fell in love with anymore and he would never be that man again. Sure, he would learn how to walk again, eventually, but he was not the detective that solved cases. He hadn't even able to make coffee. Sad he laid his head on his arms and started to sob.

In the bathroom, Erin was crying as well. She wiped her tears away and wanted to walk out of the bathroom and talk to Jay, when she saw him slumped down on the table, crying. She wiped her last tears away, knew it was not the time to talk to him now and slowly she brought him to bed, knowing they had a long road ahead.

* * *

NOTE: Poor Jay. Will he get rid of his worries and finally talk to Erin about them? What did Erin want to talk about to him? Why was she crying.

I guess you will find out in the next and last chapter of this story, which will continue in the sequel and no I won't let you wait to the fall after the cliffhanger the story will have tomorrow! Got any predictions what that cliffhanger may be? There are some signs in this chapter ;)

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you liked this chapter although it was not the happiest chapter.


	30. Chapter 30

''So, what are we going to do today?'' Erin said as she rolled over, she wanted to go to the district to finish the paper work that just heaping up at her desk and she kissed him on his cheek.

''You know, I want to do whatever you need to do. I guess you need to go to the district. I'd like to go there, but...''

''But the stairs.''

''Yeah.'' Jay sighed. The last time he had been there when he was hardly able to walk, it had been enough that he could get up the stairs, now he was completely paralyzed he knew it was impossible to get in the office.

''I am sure they can arrange something.'' Erin said but Jay didn't know, he didn't want to feel embarrassed.

''I am going to call Antonio and they are going to arrange something, I am sure.'' She said then and without even listening to his objection she walked out of their bedroom and Jay laid in bed, a little lost. Slowly he sat up, his back and neck killing him and slowly he pushed his legs out of bed so he sat on the edge. Slowly he moved himself to the wheelchair then, his neck and back hurting even more and he pulled his legs on the footrest again. It was exhausting and he hoped it would be over soon. Slowly he wheeled to the bathroom, where Lindsay was already dressing up for the day. Wheeling through the door frame his hand hit the doorpost and he cursed, grabbed his hand.

''The doors are too narrow.'' He said dryly and Erin looked worried, but he waved with his hand to sign his hand was fine. He moved to the bathtub and turned the wheelchair again, throwing his legs over the edge of the bath, slowly putting his arms on the edge and he lifted himself on the edge.

''Need any help?'' Erin asked as she turned around but he shook his head, he wanted to do it himself. She looked at his back, the bruising that was still there around his neck and she walked to him, held his sides as he slowly lowered himself in the bed.

''This bathroom...''

''Is not adjusted, I know.'' She said as she helped him sit down and an now she wondered if he had been right for insisting on going home instead of the hospital, where they took good care of him while they had to improvise everything.

''You know, there is something I want to talk about with you later. Let's have lunch at the café before going to the station.'' She said as she massaged his shoulder with the hot water that was slowly filling the tub and he nodded. After he was done bathing she helped him out again and helped him dried off and he hated it that she had to do this for him, but he kept quiet and tried not to feel bad about it. She helped him getting dressed in a casual pair of jeans that were not too thigh, a t-shirt and a vest and he sighed, exhausted from getting dressed already. It was a pain and he hoped he would get the feeling and movement in his legs back soon so something as simple as getting dressed wouldn't take so much energy.

He and Erin left to the coffee café they always had lunch and coffee and Jay was glad when he noticed the wheelchair ramp, strangely enough he had never had noticed it before, probably because he never had to pay attention to it. Erin pushed him inside and they took place, but this time only Erin on the comfy couch while Jay tried to get his knees under the table.

''You know, what I want to talk to you about...I think we should move, move to a house where you can easily get around for the time being. We could make it all ours and adjust as much as you need.''

Jay nodded as he really like that but he also thought about what he had been thinking about yesterday.

''But are you sure about moving in with me...this could be permanent.'' Jay said then and she looked confused and shook her head.

''Your are nerves are not badly damaged. You will walk again and even if it was permanent, I would never leave you because of that and you know that.'' She said, hurt that he even had those doubts about himself.

''Okay. Yeah I'd love to move in with you. It's all I want.'' He said as he kissed her and they paid, wanted to go to the district but Jay suddenly laid his hands on the wheels so Erin stopped pushing.

''Maybe we can go tomorrow, my back hurts...I am a little tired. Sorry. You should go if you want or not to. I can take a nap at home.''

''We will go tomorrow.'' She said with an understanding smile and she pushed the wheelchair back to the apartment. They went back inside and She helped him getting undressed again, or at least his jeans and he looked aside as she checked the catheter, closing her eyes and he hoped that she had been truthful in the café about being okay with whatever was on their path, because he felt really bad about it. She helped him getting the sweatpants on and he looked at her.

''I will ask if the PT guy can help me with how I should do these things myself. I don't want you to have to do this, I mean, I should be able to do it on my own.'' He said.

She kissed him on his forehead.

''Don't worry, it's okay, but I understand if you want to care for yourself again.''

She pulled the blanket over him and kissed him again. He fell asleep and was awoken by her again for dinner and as he wheeled to the table she grabbed a few papers and showed them to him;

''What do you think about this house? It's almost completely empty so we could get everything how you want and need it, even if it is just for a bit of time and it is very close to here. Third floor, with an elevator. Three bedroom, two bathroom.

Jay nodded and smiled. ''I really like it.''

''Jay, I have something else to tell you something.'' Erin said then as she sat down and he looked at her from over the table, putting the spoon back in the pasta and chicken before putting it on his plate and he looked at Erin.

''I...we are expecting a baby.'' She said then, slowly. She expected Jay to laugh, or smile or ask if that was really true, but instead he just looked shocked at her, not the slightest bit of happiness in his face and Erin's blood ran cold as she was afraid she had expected the completely wrong reaction.

''Oh...really?'' He said then, not in a happy way and Erin's lip started to shake.

''Yeah, really. We are expecting a baby!'' She said then, a little angry as he didn't show the least sign of happiness nor caring and Jay nodded.

''You are not happy at all, are you?'' She said, broken by his reaction.

''I...I don't...I don't think so.'' He said then.

**To be continued in the sequel: 'Memories'**

* * *

NOTE: Uh oh, Jay is not happy at all about the news, while Erin had imagined something completely else.

The first chapter of the sequel should be up tomorrow. Thank you so much for reading the whole story and I hope you enjoyed it and to see you back at the sequel. Please tell me what you thought of this last chapter (I wonder if we can bring the review amount up to 200 after the last chapter ;) ) and what you hope to see in the sequel and thank you so much, again!


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